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Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

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Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#131
post #76

Giving compliments to people on their style, demeanour/energy or some situation that’s interesting in the moment is how I talk to strangers. Also, only do it when you mean it. Some people respond negative to lukewarm but most people really appreciate it.

I remember the first time I went to Austin from the UK for a work trip. I wore my usual stupid pun t-shirts and the amount of comments/compliments I got walking down the street from strangers was insane to me (at least once a day). The first few times I probably reacted poorly because it was so unexpected. I thought they were trying to get me to stop so that their friends could go and mug me or something. Took a whil…

Haha. American here. I still remember when I moved to Austin from Boston. Even within America Texas is a fairly friendly, outgoing place. At least compared to metro living on the East Coast.

The culture shock was noticeable. In Boston if a stranger walked up to me to say something my feet would already be pointed in the direction in which I intended to walk away from them. Whereas in Austin people are far more friendly, outgoing, and open to impromptu social interactions. I found it a very welcome change.

My theory is that such attitudes are heavily influenced by population density. If you live in a city that is packed full of people you start to guard yourself against the number of daily social interactions you will allow. For many, it’s emotionally draining to constantly acknowledge, say hello to, chat with, or humor every person that you meet. When you commute on the train every morning that becomes quiet time for you, even when you’re in a train car full of other commuters. It’s generally considered rude to chat up people too much. At least don’t be surprised when people want to keep to themselves.

Whereas in Texas and parts of the American midwest there is less need for people to live right on top of one another. Everyone travels alone by car, walking is less common. Meeting strangers in public is then less of an imposition and generally more of a warm-hearted experience.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#132

I loved the understated humour of: "Some social scientists believe teaching kids that literally everyone in the world they hadn't met is dangerous may have been actively harmful." Harms take many guises. Mutual distrust drives people to mediate and avoid others through technology as a psychological shield. That breeds bad technology which divides and dehumanises, and feeds the loop. Here on HN some people have argued…

It also stops, or makes it more difficult, to assault/rob a cashier. Though I think picking food will always be better with a human, given all the random questions you can ask them.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The daily luxury of speaking with strangers shit fear of sexual assault. Assuming that is a typo where "without" is supposed to sit, which men have that luxury? I know a man who was raped by a group of strangers at knifepoint, so he doesn't have that luxury. Or does he? Do I, now that I know the reality beyond a mere statistic or a rumour? I just don't know what you're proposing so I'd like to hear about how it wor…

Are you honestly saying that the man you know is statistically typical of stranger rape? Because you can't be saying that the fact that it has ever happened means that it rational for men and women to have equal levels of fear about it. Because we all know that men rape men. Here's a question, though. Have you ever sat in a group of women fearing that you would be raped?

No, but I have sat and feared how easily they could destroy my life. A little scandal here, an accusation there and life is over.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#134

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you really think about someone being hetero or bi or gay or whatever when you talk to them for 30 seconds (how do you even notice)? Especially a stranger that you never see again?

If I'm speaking to a strange woman then I'm very much aware, yes, of all the previous bad experiences she's statistically likely to have had with strange men and I'll do my best to avoid adding to her rightful discomfort.

So you either don't talk to women, or you do so willingly knowing it causes them discomfort.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#135
post #125

I loved the understated humour of: "Some social scientists believe teaching kids that literally everyone in the world they hadn't met is dangerous may have been actively harmful." Harms take many guises. Mutual distrust drives people to mediate and avoid others through technology as a psychological shield. That breeds bad technology which divides and dehumanises, and feeds the loop. Here on HN some people have argued…

I enjoy thinking of trust as a social technology. We've seen how ridiculous a trustless transaction system would look with Bitcoin having to validate things to a ridiculous extent. Similarly, a society that distrusts wastes a lot of time and energy doing things by themselves, which is inefficient in the best case and leads down harmful and delusional avenues in the worst. We should be engineering our cities and commu…

[deleted]

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The daily luxury of speaking with strangers shit fear of sexual assault. Assuming that is a typo where "without" is supposed to sit, which men have that luxury? I know a man who was raped by a group of strangers at knifepoint, so he doesn't have that luxury. Or does he? Do I, now that I know the reality beyond a mere statistic or a rumour? I just don't know what you're proposing so I'd like to hear about how it wor…

Are you honestly saying that the man you know is statistically typical of stranger rape? Because you can't be saying that the fact that it has ever happened means that it rational for men and women to have equal levels of fear about it. Because we all know that men rape men. Here's a question, though. Have you ever sat in a group of women fearing that you would be raped?

I also know a man who was raped by a woman, but I have three questions:

- why does a fear need a rational basis for it to be relevant?

- why does a fear need to be based on something "statistically typical"?

- why does a fear need to be at the same level of someone else's fear to be justified?

As to your last question, shouldn't it be “Have you ever sat in a group of men fearing that you would be raped?” because:

a) the rape committed by the woman produced no fear in that man

b) men are the "statistically typical" rapists, and violent at that

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#137
post #125

I loved the understated humour of: "Some social scientists believe teaching kids that literally everyone in the world they hadn't met is dangerous may have been actively harmful." Harms take many guises. Mutual distrust drives people to mediate and avoid others through technology as a psychological shield. That breeds bad technology which divides and dehumanises, and feeds the loop. Here on HN some people have argued…

I enjoy thinking of trust as a social technology. We've seen how ridiculous a trustless transaction system would look with Bitcoin having to validate things to a ridiculous extent. Similarly, a society that distrusts wastes a lot of time and energy doing things by themselves, which is inefficient in the best case and leads down harmful and delusional avenues in the worst. We should be engineering our cities and commu…

[deleted]

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Quoted post unavailable.

None of the men I know carry mace, walk with their keys in their fists like brass knuckles, or have stories about being harassed in public. Most of the women I know have all three of these things in common. When I was in my early 20s I regularly tried to hit on/chat with strange women in random public settings (sitting at a park bench, buying groceries, etc). It made them visibly uncomfortable. But I felt like I was…

Have you considered that it might just be you live in a dangerous place? None of the women I know carry around those things and never have. If they have stories of being harassed in public places, it never came up in conversation either. But I live in a place that's quite well policed and safe. In a more dangerous city, out on the street if there's nobody around, yes you're going to be safer if you're a ripped 6'3 man than a small lady. No doubt about it. But again, to stress this, it's the other way around if you're at a managed venue of some sort like an office, a conference, etc. There it's actually the men who have to fear the women and not the other way around, although fortunately as bad incidents are very rare in both directions, we can all mostly live without fear.

With respect to hitting on women - again, please don't be tricked by others into thinking these are universal global truths. I successfully flirted with and got dates with female strangers quite a few times in the past, in all sorts of places (before I met my wife). In fact I even got picked up by a stranger myself once! So it's not only men that hit on strangers. Of course it's heavily dependent on how you do it - I definitely found it much harder to do that when I was in my early 20s. As with all men, you're just a lot more awkward and less able to read the signs at that age, as well as less successful, so much more likely to come across as undesirable ('creepy'). That's true of both genders. But it didn't stay that way.

A lot of women had big problems with #metoo and the general culture it was trying to create. My experience has been that for every woman who loudly proclaims their hatred of creepy men there are multiple others who quietly wish that a nice man would strike up a conversation and chat them up, and are sad that men have now been trained not to do it. #Metoo and the feminism that surrounds it is intensely ideological, so people who disagree often are afraid of speaking up because they know they'll be viciously attacked by the left, even if they are themselves female. If you live in a very lefty place like San Francisco, especially one with a gender imbalance (so attractive women get hit on a lot and badly), you're probably going to draw conclusions like the above. If you live somewhere a bit more normal you'll see both sides of this and realize the balance of power has been tipped so far in the direction of women now that it makes quite a lot of them unhappy. They are now expected to take risks and do the work that traditionally men would do, because the men are afraid to do so.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#139
post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow ... I think you've gone over to the other side with that list ... with the exception of the suicide rate. Honestly. I'm a bloke, by the way. Either you're in a bad place and I wish you well. Or you have a very skewed view of current reality, and ... I wish you self- and social- awareness.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. Just for listing a few simple, non-controversial points I'm told that I'm in a "bad place" and that I have a "skewed view of current reality". Ad-hominem garbage. Oh yes, I'm drowning in luxury right now.

Thanks for expressing your feelings on the matter.

Have a great day.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#140

Some of this is a bit presumptuous... > "The authors concluded, "the next time you need a little-pick-me-up, you might consider interacting with the Starbucks barista...thereby mining this readily available source of happiness"." Baristas, waiters, etc. are paid to provide services, not necessarily to be conversational partners. From their point of view, their choices are "be nice to this person who is chatting you u…

As someone who does customer service/support (mostly online retail but occasionally get in-person pickups), friendly conversation is honestly a perk of the job. I think advising people to avoid it because the staff can't escape or ask you to leave just sucks that little bit of joy out of life for not only the customer, but the server too. Of course, "friendly conversation" is the keyword here. Nobody wants to be emot…

Thank you for the counterpoint. I think most adults can read other well enough to be able to start and continue conversation. And also pick appropriate time and place. (5 customers behind you? Keep the line moving.)
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