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Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

bbc.com

121–130 of 150 posts

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#121

Article says: "Talking to strangers can teach you things, deepen you, make you a better citizen, a better thinker, and a better person. It's a good way to live. But it's more than that. In a rapidly changing, infinitely complex, furiously polarised world, it's a way to survive." "The study participants who interacted when buying their coffee reported feeling a stronger sense of belonging and an improved mood than tho…

People say the same after a long, solo walk in nature. A more apt headline would be “doing a variety of things instigated valuable state change in our biology.”

Qualified answers are customization of well known generalizations.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#122

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Quoted post unavailable.

Do you really think about someone being hetero or bi or gay or whatever when you talk to them for 30 seconds (how do you even notice)? Especially a stranger that you never see again?

Some people do immediately project a gay vibe just by stereotypical mannerisms. Yeah I know that isn't always a reliable indicator, but it's something I notice. Beyond thinking "he's probably gay" it's not something I think about any more than "he has brown hair" or "she is Japanese" it's just a characteristic of the person that I notice.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#123
post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What luxury do men have in 2022? The luxury of not being able to express feelings? The luxury of having a smaller chance of getting hired? The luxury of having a higher suicide rate? The luxury of getting constantly called out on social media? The luxury of being told to stop whining when we point these things out?

Wow ... I think you've gone over to the other side with that list ... with the exception of the suicide rate. Honestly. I'm a bloke, by the way. Either you're in a bad place and I wish you well. Or you have a very skewed view of current reality, and ... I wish you self- and social- awareness.

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

Just for listing a few simple, non-controversial points I'm told that I'm in a "bad place" and that I have a "skewed view of current reality". Ad-hominem garbage.

Oh yes, I'm drowning in luxury right now.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#124
Our friends understand us through half-sentences and poor phrasing and assume good intent. Talking to strangers requires accurate wording and well-formed, generally understood tone and facial expressions. At the very least, it's very good for learning to speak well. This is not mentioned in the article.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#125

I loved the understated humour of: "Some social scientists believe teaching kids that literally everyone in the world they hadn't met is dangerous may have been actively harmful." Harms take many guises. Mutual distrust drives people to mediate and avoid others through technology as a psychological shield. That breeds bad technology which divides and dehumanises, and feeds the loop. Here on HN some people have argued…

I enjoy thinking of trust as a social technology. We've seen how ridiculous a trustless transaction system would look with Bitcoin having to validate things to a ridiculous extent. Similarly, a society that distrusts wastes a lot of time and energy doing things by themselves, which is inefficient in the best case and leads down harmful and delusional avenues in the worst. We should be engineering our cities and communities with the intention of creating surface area for trust to emerge (e.g. public transit where we can just coexist in the same space), rather than mandating that trust ought to occur, since that isn't how brains work. Give strangers the opportunity to see that others are not so bad. We all prosper, economically and spiritually.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#126
post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are supposed to buy the book to know the secrets. :) The article is still useful as it does a decent job of busting popular social perceptions in the west that often prevent us from socialising even to make small talks with strangers. Ofcourse as an indian, I didn't find it much useful - I grew up watching my parent's generation interact and socialise with strangers whenever and wherever they travelled. So I too…

I'm just glad that HN salvaged the situation with the quality of the comments. Sometimes all we need is a good prompt.

[deleted]

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#127
post #15

Giving compliments to people on their style, demeanour/energy or some situation that’s interesting in the moment is how I talk to strangers. Also, only do it when you mean it. Some people respond negative to lukewarm but most people really appreciate it.

It's weirdly hard to compliment people, at least as a man. If you haven't warmed them up a bit first, it never feels right to compliment what they wear. On the other hand, people love hearing that they have a nice playlist or run a cool place. It's something we put a lot of us into, so being complimented about it always hits hard. Compliments are an acquired skill, but one that's so satisfying to use.

I am a guy. Feel free to ask me questions via email on how I do it.

My only actual skill: being fine with awkwardness. It happens 20% of the time

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#128
post #125

I loved the understated humour of: "Some social scientists believe teaching kids that literally everyone in the world they hadn't met is dangerous may have been actively harmful." Harms take many guises. Mutual distrust drives people to mediate and avoid others through technology as a psychological shield. That breeds bad technology which divides and dehumanises, and feeds the loop. Here on HN some people have argued…

I enjoy thinking of trust as a social technology. We've seen how ridiculous a trustless transaction system would look with Bitcoin having to validate things to a ridiculous extent. Similarly, a society that distrusts wastes a lot of time and energy doing things by themselves, which is inefficient in the best case and leads down harmful and delusional avenues in the worst. We should be engineering our cities and commu…

Good thoughts.

Trust is such a complex subject.

For example, I see a fault in current cybersecurity thinking caused by misunderstanding "zero trust". In the right place zero-trust is precisely what we need, and the US government has recently made a huge policy leap in defaulting systems to zero-trust.

But oddly (not paradoxically) the place to deploy zero-trust is internally. And the place to design systems which leverage trustability is on external facing ones.

People who don't get it throw up their hands and say "that's crazy, it's the people outside we cannot trust". Surely our internal systems are trustworthy, so no need. On the contrary, it's precisely because internal trust already exists that security and low friction benefits accrue from going full zero-trust. For public facing systems the benefit comes from a more trusting stance, backed by high system security and resilience.

It's pretty much the opposite from what we've been doing.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why? There is a natural power imbalance between men and women. If you find it tiresome then you're getting a sense of how tiring it can be to be a woman in public.

Quoted post unavailable.

None of the men I know carry mace, walk with their keys in their fists like brass knuckles, or have stories about being harassed in public. Most of the women I know have all three of these things in common.

When I was in my early 20s I regularly tried to hit on/chat with strange women in random public settings (sitting at a park bench, buying groceries, etc). It made them visibly uncomfortable. But I felt like I was entitled to keep doing it anyway, and my male friends felt the same way. It wasn't until reading "me, too" stories that I realized I shouldn't regularly make people uncomfortable, and not to excuse my carelessness (women had certainly tried to communicate this and I had failed to listen), but part of the reason was that I had been given the impression that that was simply how a man behaved, and I didn't really know men who disagreed with that perspective. I also didn't understand why I was making them uncomfortable and just how common harassment was, and how in their mind there was a totally reasonable concern that I might be dangerous or creepy (and indeed, the way I was acting was a bit creepy, so how can I blame them). I think I mostly saw it through the lens of whether or not my advances were rejected and how I felt about that, and to the extent I considered whether they were welcome, it was to minimize rejections rather than to understand the experience of a fellow human.

Not everything is gendered, but the experience of talking to strangers unfortunately is. I'd like for it not to be, as well, but without recognizing truth there is no reconciliation.

Re: Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

#130
The real issue with trust comes when a large portion of "civilized" society is willing to violate trust on a regular basis to such degree that I can literally count on one hand (with multiple fingers left over) the people I can actually truly trust… How's trust supposed to work in a society that teaches money is more important than literally anything else, and that you should be willing to do anything (including backstab your fellow humans) to get more money (or power, fame, or whatever other greed-pit you're trying to fill), else you're just "naïve" and deserve to have your trust violated.
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