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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#441

Post by MrPatan »

navane wrote: post #351
notch656a wrote: post #276

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's interesting how opinions on this change depending on how it's phrased. Sometimes I see it phrased as older kids taking on some of the labor in what is perceived as maturity building activity that may serve them in adulthood. Others use a completely different phrase, calling it "parentification" and then call it child abuse or worse, believing it's better for the kids to all fight for the resource of the parent r…

A proffessional athlete was asked, in the context of a knockout tournament where different conpetitors had different waiting period between matches: "is it better to have more time and rest between the fights, or to have less time but more momentum?" She replied: "Whichever happens to you, you turn into a positive frame."

Or the 21st century version: Whichever happens to you, you turn it into a reason why you didn't succeed and you're not to blame.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#442

Post by Shocka1 »

poisonarena wrote: post #354
dionidium wrote: post #249

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If it makes you feel any better I delayed having kids and spent my 30s dating and hanging out and going to bars -- and it was terrible. I was never more depressed. I got tired of dating. I got tired of bars. I was lonely. My life had no meaning or direction. I had a nice career and could go anywhere and do anything I wanted, but it turns out none of that made me even a little bit happy. I remember one summer making p…

37, almost 38 and no kids, doing what you are describing right now all over the world, and it is absolutely amazing. I think your depression and feeling of everything being overrated is a you thing, and not everyone feels that way. This has been the best decade of my life and I have been poor the whole time, just hustling and making things work how i can with jobs and money and exploring the world and the people

I'd agree with you. As a sidenote, I held an American professional Superbike racing license through most of my 20s and did a whole bunch of crazy stuff I won't mention here on top of it. Watched several people die and get maimed in one of the many races I competed in. Before that I spent some time in the Marines, including time in a warzone. I have a few regrets from a couple bad decisions I made, but I enjoyed every moment of that absolutely crazy life and never felt more alive looking back at it. It seems like an old dream I had at this point - In my 30s I slowed down, got married and had children. It's much different than my previous life, but it's been a wonderful and powerful experience as well. I feel like I've had my cake and ate it too, and you bet ya I feel blessed every single day to be here taking my share of fresh air.

It would be interesting to see my thoughts if I had never had kids, but I feel as though it would be positive either way because I choose it to be.

That being said, I do feel personally like there is more to life than living for yourself. Whether that transfers to having kids or volunteering somewhere to help others, etc., I'll leave that decision to the reader.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#443

Post by MrPatan »

volkl48 wrote: post #185
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

1) You may be good at this or have some situation in terms of support structures or lifestyle where this is particularly easy, but this is not at all what many parents I know/encounter express to me (as a person who's openly childfree). The combination of more than one kid and 2 parents working FT out of the home, seems to equal an absolutely exhausting long-term grind for many unless they've got a lot of family near…

Why would I tell a childfree friend about the joys of parenthood? Who would do that?

To somebody who's just Wrong on the Internet, though, I would happily say that it's not the most important thing. It's the only thing.

Good luck!

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#444

Post by stickfigure »

cossatot wrote: post #298
Panzer04 wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This feels a lot like a more extreme version of what I'm doing now (especially the camping thing), and I'm a lot younger.. Thanks for the perspective.

Camping is also a great activity with kids, for what it’s worth. Backpacking 20 miles into the wilderness is not going to be an option at least until they are older, but car camping can still be pretty fun even when they are itty bitty especially if there is some fun and accessible terrain to explore—water to throw rocks into, mossy rocks and tree trunks to check out and stumble over, etc.

Kids make camping even MORE fun.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#445

Post by HideousKojima »

skinnymuch wrote: post #439
HideousKojima wrote: post #428

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I have the opposite though: perhaps I need to not to have kids to stop the cycle of creating meaning through procreation. You won't stop the cycle though, others who do actually have kids will simply continue it, and the single biggest way in which you could have had and influence on the future of the world and the human race will have been eliminated. And that's before you get into any religious implications of hav…

Being wealthy or powerful probably has more influence on the world and humans than having kids.

Nonsense, on a long enough timescale your descendents will intermarry with other people, and the wealthy and powerful of future generations will be your descendents. Dave Thomas may have had a major influence on the US with his restaurants and charitable foundations, but if he had never been born in the first place he wouldn't have been able to accomplish any of that. I chose Thomas as an example because he's a literal orphan and his adoptive family wasn't particularly wealthy either as far as I can tell.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#446

Post by ourmandave »

SoftTalker wrote: post #171
purpleblue wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All my friends have guided their parenting based on this song. It has had a tremendous effect on me.

While I'm not yet retired, my sons have moved away. I'm not really the sentimental type, and I enjoy having days mostly to myself again, but they are always on my mind to one degree or another.

^ This 1000%.

And they know that if they need anything, you're there for them. Always.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#447

Post by skinnymuch »

HideousKojima wrote: post #445
skinnymuch wrote: post #439

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Being wealthy or powerful probably has more influence on the world and humans than having kids.

Nonsense, on a long enough timescale your descendents will intermarry with other people, and the wealthy and powerful of future generations will be your descendents. Dave Thomas may have had a major influence on the US with his restaurants and charitable foundations, but if he had never been born in the first place he wouldn't have been able to accomplish any of that. I chose Thomas as an example because he's a liter…

I agree maybe that’ll happen. Maybe it won’t. OTOH, as society is now, being rich and/or powerful can definitely influence things and almost all influences of society happen by the rich and powerful.

In my pov, saying having kids is the most important way to influence the world unfortunately provides an excuse to prop up the status quo of incredibly imbalanced power and wealth structures.

It also seems a bit mean to posit having children is the way to most influence society. Not every one can responsibly and properly raise children. Or have the financial foundation

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#448

Post by TedDoesntTalk »

BLKNSLVR wrote: post #434
novok wrote: post #333

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Put the 5 year old on your shoulders and make it twice the workout :p

My daughter used to climb on my back when I did push ups for some additional resistance. She used to give me a light slap if I was taking too long between reps. Good times.

Funny, my son does that to me now! But he's 43 pounds. I can't really do more than a few with him on my back

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#449

Post by hhmc »

gonehome wrote: post #381
hhmc wrote: post #360

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Happiness is extremely overrated This seems like a strange conclusion to draw, it doesn’t sound like you were happy

Somewhat disputing definitions - he’s talking about the low stakes idle hedonistic “happiness” from commonly thought of as pleasurable things (brunch, camping, food/drinks with friends, etc.) vs. the type of more difficult stuff that while maybe less pleasant in the day to day moment is often more fulfilling over longer time horizons. Not worth arguing about the word meaning rather than just taking the underlying arg…

> he’s talking about the low stakes idle hedonistic “happiness” from commonly thought of as pleasurable things (brunch, camping, food/drinks with friends, etc.)

But it doesn't sound like they were happy even by this definition..

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#450

Post by skyhvr »

lee wrote: post #418
Defitio wrote: post #388

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my opinion plenty of people just use kids as a scapegoat for meaning of life. My question would be why you value your kids time more than bouldern? Because you made them? Because they consume so much time with them? Or because you are just better in being a parent and biological getting satisfaction out of it? Unfortunately for me I'm not sure if I would end like you or the other poster who regrets it sometimes. A…

> Or because you are just better in being a parent and biological getting satisfaction out of it? It is totally this. We are biological creatures and we cannot escape that. Love, sex, friendships, relationships, parenting, happiness, and so forth are all aspects of our biology. We are not automatons living a purely rational life. Satisfaction in life depends on those biological mechanisms and shouldn't be seen throug…

Thank you for this poignant reminder.
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