That is clearly only true for people who for some irrational and detached reason hand their children over to the strangers of the indoctrination camps we still call schools.
Earth to Mars: you're a freak and your beliefs are freakish
75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
201–210 of 479 posts
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#202Earlier quoted context omitted.
I lived with my ex-partner and her parents for a while, and the family would spend most of their time at home together. Easily 6+ hours per day during the week, and most of the weekend time.
Is this "spending time" or physically in the same building? I was home "with my family" for 6+ hours but we were definitely not interacting with each other outside of meals. I was on my computer, siblings on tv, others doing random stuff. Nothing unreasonable at all. The article is trying to point out about quality time not just physically in the presence of each other.
Like actually spending quality time together. Cooking together, eating together, talking, sometimes playing games or watching TV or a movie. After dinner we’d typically just sit around drinking tea together.
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#203Earlier quoted context omitted.
I always say I only found unconditional love once I became a parent. (From me toward my child) As you say, the commitment is forever, whether we are present or not. For the movie Interstellar, one of the themes Nolan developed was that at some point we become our children’s memories. It probably happens around the 12 year old mark. For all parents out there, be present, however you can.
This is not always so. For me, unconditional love was a youthful thing. My parents are much less admirable now, as I have grown older. My reasons are legion. I don't wish them harm, but they are nothing like me.
From the comment you replied to:
>(From me toward my child)
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#204Earlier quoted context omitted.
My partner and I have 5 kids under 7yrs old -- four of whom are adopted and two of whom are struggling with severe developmental delays (and likely autism, still waiting on formal diagnosis). When kids get older, they get a lot more "fun" and a lot less immediate work. I can take my eldest two out pretty much anywhere without a ton of effort, they are fun to hang out with, they can be trusted to be kind and respectfu…
I've heard stories of how difficult the process of adopting kids can be. So, kudos to you, that sounds like a lot to manage. Regarding opting out, I get it, but I don't agree personally. Not having kids, can enable some pretty great lifestyles. But I do feel like you don't get a chance to understand what being a parent is all about. No amount of being a great aunt / uncle / whatever, gives you that feeling of needing…
I would have been a shit parent to a human child. I would still be a shit parent to a human child. I don’t want one, if I accidentally had one they would eventually not want me too. I’ve been a half decent parent to my youngest sibling, because what you say about life forcing you to change has some truth.
I’ve experienced what you described with my pup, but that’s because she is exactly the bond and the responsibility that fits my life. It revolves around her, every day, all the time. No amount of parenting a human would ever change that.
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#205One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…
Glad it worked out for you but I have to disagree 100% -- we have 2 kids (2 and 5) and it feels like they're only getting more time intensive as they age. Your anecdote about work made me laugh - my wife and I (both fully remote, WFH) have been dreaming of finding in-office jobs just to have more time away from the kids. I now relish my time at work, the only reprieve I'm able to get!
Not my experience at all.
The problems get more complicated, but further and further apart. The need for minute by minute management evaporates.
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#206Earlier quoted context omitted.
1) You may be good at this or have some situation in terms of support structures or lifestyle where this is particularly easy, but this is not at all what many parents I know/encounter express to me (as a person who's openly childfree). The combination of more than one kid and 2 parents working FT out of the home, seems to equal an absolutely exhausting long-term grind for many unless they've got a lot of family near…
I think you’re painting a pretty simplistic and distorted caricature of reality.
I don't think I am, at least speaking to the US, but if you've got a particular argument I'm open to hearing it.
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Just as some related examples to illustrate that there's a whole lot of children not growing up in some idealized life though:
~23% of children in the US live with one parent and no other adults in the household.
~40% of children born to married parents in the US will see those parents divorce before they turn 18.
~40% of children are born to unmarried parents. I don't know where to find what the rate for those parents splitting up is, but I'll assume it's probably not better than the married ones.
1/7 children experienced abuse or neglect in the past year, 1/4 will at some point in their childhood.
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#207One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…
> The sleepless nights and diaper changes are a mere blip on the scale of a lifetime with kids. You're looking at what, 2-5 years of that? Per kid? Plus the huge time commitments for all of the other burdensome stuff that having kids entails, like school and transport and non-school education? 2-5 years out of a lifetime isn't much, but 2-5 years out of your 30s or early 40s is a gigantic percentage of your remaining…
> You're looking at what, 2-5 years of that?
5 years of diaper changes? Or sleepless nights?
Diaper changes can end by mid-year 2. Sleepless nights can be mostly eased well within a year.
Of course, there's always random suck. I had a crisis that I was receiving texts up till 3AM... and then my 8 year old showed up with a stomachache at 3:30AM.
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#208One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…
When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.
It’s the same with exercise. People say it’s a great lifelong persist but I tried it for an hour and it’s just awful.
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#209A huge asterisk here is that this varies greatly by culture. For better or worse* certain cultures value strong family bonds and time spent with the parents, as well as bilateral support well into adulthood. Many cultures also encourage multigenerational living within a single household (or in extremely close proximity like my parents did). For example, my parents were happy to have me live at home as long as I wante…
Yes! American, Anglo-Saxon culture while widespread is not the norm. There is such thing as Inter-generational living. You often see advice on the internet: Why are you 20 and still living with your parents, you're a loser. You're 30 still living with your parents, you won't amount to anything. Yeah right!!! Meanwhile they leave alone with a dog, - need a ton of additional psychotherapy to stay sane. - Need to setup…
> Meanwhile they leave alone with a dog
“But I contradict myself”
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#210Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's more about having self respect. Why use the same language as drunken sailors and criminals?
> Why use the same language as drunken sailors and criminals? Aside from hate speech, I honestly don't care what kind of language my kid uses. But I'd be pretty disappointed if they reduced groups of people into negative stereotypes like this.
Indeed. Some sailors are amongst the greatest people I've met. And their language was salty.
Language is communication. Context is important. You don't bust into a church or interview swearing loudly. You don't try to communicate every thought with a curse word.
But fuck it, they are handy sometimes.