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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

1000hoursoutside.com

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#161

Post by rdtwo »

zdragnar wrote: post #106
JamesSwift wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. I always say getting married means the previous phase of your life is now over. Thats not a statement on better or worse, its just that you've now transitioned to another phase. Its the same with kids. Pre-kid life is now over. This is a new, different phase.

Interestingly enough, this advice is bordering outdated. In the US, recent estimates put children being born to unwed parents at around 40%. This varies by race and income- for example, since 1990 the rates for white parents doubled from 15 to 28%, whereas on the other end of the spectrum the rate went from 63 to 69% for children of black parents. Breaking down by economic, education and other levels follow more or l…

It makes sense parents that don’t share the load equally drift apart. I see so many families where one parent gets all the hobbies and trips while the other gets to stay home or work on kids and Housework 24/7

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#162

Post by rdtwo »

smesla wrote: post #151
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

Yeah but now I have to consider suicidal teenagers and climate change. I'll be lucky to live to 70, my (potential) kids, maybe 60, if the environment doesn't completely collapse.

Climate change won’t affect you unless you are poor. If you are poor then being poor is a much more immediate problem.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#163

Post by a_e_k »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

I have four kids. YMMV, but I've found with mine that six years old seems to be the magic threshold. Developmentally, it seems like at that age a switch suddenly turns on and they start really showing distinct interests, talking fluently, thinking more abstractly, making solid friendships with a few peers, and wanting a bit more independence. I find the 6yo age to be a blast.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#164

Post by markus_zhang »

ourmandave wrote: post #25

This reminds me of that song I really hate, Cat's in the Cradle. I've long since retired, my son's moved away I called him up just the other day I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind He said, I'd love to, dad, if I can find the time You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu But it's sure nice talking to you, dad It's been sure nice talking to you And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me H…

Is this the norm in NA? I live close to some elder people but their grandchildren did visit them from time to time. I guess keeping an amiable relationship when he is young is the key here? I have a two year old and have been gradually increasing time spent with him.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#165

Post by kotlin2 »

ROTMetro wrote: post #43
wang_li wrote: post #19

While it may be a true statistic, it seems to dramatically miss the boat. Time spent with a newborn, with an infant, with a four year old, with a ten year old, with a sixteen year old, with a twenty year old are not the same. You can have more interaction, more contentment, more sense of continuity, and more sense of family, in a Thanksgiving weekend spent with your adult child and their family than the entirety of y…

My son had a springsuit at 1. We would just sit in the sand at Manresa. It was some of the most peaceful, most content, most important time in my life. I don't really remember any discussions from a holiday dinner. But I remember sitting on that beach, and the very important rocks that we examined so seriously. The texture of them. The smell of the salt air. Exploring the bucket with sandcrabs I had gathered. Maybe y…

Definitely not a rule. Im pretty sure my mom doesn’t even like who I’ve become as an adult and she definitely loved me a lot as a kid. Now that I have a kid of my own, and I understand the all encompassing love you feel for a child, I find how my mom feels quite sad

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#166

Post by NotYourLawyer »

On a somewhat similar topic, I was thinking about infidelity the other day. I'm not inclined to cheat (who has the time?) but even if I were, and even if I cared nothing for my wife's feelings... cheating is just a bad mistake from the standpoint of time with kids. If I got caught, we'd probably get divorced and get 50/50 custody. I'd have thrown away HALF of my remaining time with my children. There's no pussy in the world that's worth that tradeoff.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#167

Post by markus_zhang »

bedhead wrote: post #98

I've got two teenage boys and an 8 y/o daughter and this headline alone hit hard . The boys increasingly have their own lives and a growing amount of independence (which is good and we allow/encourage) but these days, scrolling through old iPhone photos when they're wearing Curious George tee shirts and whatnot can get you emotional fast in a way that didn't happen before. They increasingly don't need us nor want us…

Is there a way to share housing with them? In some cultures it's normal for second generation to live with first generation even after marriage (although nowadays they tend to separate but live close by). I wonder if NA culture would gradually allow that. I have a two year old and thinking about purchasing a nearby condo and give it (at least the part already repaid) as gift to him when he starts looking for jobs.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#168

Post by SoftTalker »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

You're not wrong, but your life never goes back to its pre-kid state.

My kids are all adults. I still think about them every day, advise them, help them, worry about them. When my wife was pregnant with our first, an older co-worker said "your life will never be the same" and she was right.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#169

Post by NotYourLawyer »

debacle wrote: post #59

It might be in the article but I didn't see it. Where's the citation for this statistic?

Why does it need a citation? It's absolutely plausible just based on back-of-the-napkin math. I'd be surprised if it's off by more than 10% in the majority of cases.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#170

Post by markus_zhang »

magicalhippo wrote: post #99
keithnz wrote: post #8

on the flip side, a lot of kids experiences before 12 will be forgotten, some will be super memorable for their entire lives, but a lot of their memories of you as a "parent" and who you are as a person will be after the age of 12.

I've reached my 40s, but I have lots of memories of things I did with my parents and others from I was 4 and up. Not super special stuff either, but also "daily" interactions. Now, I don't feel like I have a particularly great memory, I just imagined everyone could recall many different things from their childhood. However I've noticed in the last few years both my SO and my mom often utter surprise when I recall som…

Can relate. My parents were more strict with my study and piano practices after 10 so most of the good memories came from time before that.

My best two pieces of memories: 1) Parents took me to a geology museum and I got awed by the huge dinosaur skeleton; 2) In some Saturday nights I'd sleep between parents and we all watched paleontology programs on TV

I'll probably do similar things with my son.

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