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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

1000hoursoutside.com

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#61

Post by deamanto »

gamerDude wrote: post #17

This is also a reminder of the opposite. For those of us on here, we have less than 25% of our time with our parents left. I lost my father earlier this year. I count myself lucky that I felt very satisfied and complete in our relationship.

I listened to a Hidden Brain podcast recently which told me to try and think of the amount of time we have left with any experience like meeting our parents, visiting X place etc. and it's supposed to make you appreciate the situation more and not to sweat the small stuff.

What you've wrote about time with our parents is sad but in a beautiful way.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#62

Post by JamesSwift »

issa wrote: post #50
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

"forever" is very relative. If you have one kid, and a partner to raise them, then what you describe is very accurate. But if you have two kids spread out over a few years, then you can pretty much assume 15+ years of your life are going to be very kid focused. This is not a BAD thing! But go in with open eyes! And, most importantly, results will vary significantly. All kids are different. And factors like if you liv…

Agreed. I always say getting married means the previous phase of your life is now over. Thats not a statement on better or worse, its just that you've now transitioned to another phase. Its the same with kids. Pre-kid life is now over. This is a new, different phase.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#63

Post by jmcphers »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

It becomes different -- but not better or worse.

The truth is that taking kids to the park can feel like even MORE of a chore when it's your own kids, because you've had to do it every week, it has no novelty, and you would love just a few hours to yourself instead because you're a parent and you don't get much of that.

The reason it's still better when it's your kids, though, is that it's an investment. Kids are a lifelong relationship. They outlive you. All that time you spend with them starts paying interest and dividends, the same as it does when you spend time with other people you love and spend time with.

My oldest is 12 now and she's funny, insightful, and one of my favorite people to be with. The years I invested in reading and parks with her in the early years are being paid back with hours spent talking about our favorite books and going outdoors together. It's worth it.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#64

Post by xvedejas »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I think the main thing that informs me personally is that I didn't enjoy spending time with my parents when I was a kid. I imagine those who want kids must have had a more positive kind of childhood experience and relationship with their parents.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#65

Post by flycaliguy »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

One thing that might be hard to appreciate is how much, at least for me, having kids changed my personality. I’ve become a much more patient person. Spending extended periods of time with my kids almost has a meditative quality in which I’m living in the moment and absorbing my surroundings in a deliberate way. My son’s presence in his environment provides a fresh perspective that I can tune into and ride along with.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#66

Post by coryrc »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

You get to choose what you do with your kids, to some degree. My cousin and his wife love sports, their kids are all in sports and they go to all the games -- they'd be doing that even without kids. I like walking and sneaking into construction sites, my kid likes walking and sneaking into construction sites because that's what we do.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#67

Post by popularrecluse »

deamanto wrote: post #55
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

Hey just wanted to say that I really appreciate this comment and it's an opinion I haven't seen shared before even though in hindsight it's obvious. I personally have chosen not to have kids - one reason is doomer level but the other is time and independence. I have a dog that is a relatively (to kids) minor responsibility but in my day to day life feels like the biggest responsibility, I compare that to having a kid…

Well another thought is that the only way to revert this so-called doomerist path is to choose to have and raise kids with empathy for others and with care towards the natural world they've inherited.

Because the people who don't give a shit ain't going to stop having them.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#69

Post by sshine »

deamanto wrote: post #55
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

Hey just wanted to say that I really appreciate this comment and it's an opinion I haven't seen shared before even though in hindsight it's obvious. I personally have chosen not to have kids - one reason is doomer level but the other is time and independence. I have a dog that is a relatively (to kids) minor responsibility but in my day to day life feels like the biggest responsibility, I compare that to having a kid…

I've heard having a dog is like having a kid that never grows up.

In some ways they're always more independent of a child. In some ways they never will be.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#70

Post by hattmall »

deamanto wrote: post #55
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

Hey just wanted to say that I really appreciate this comment and it's an opinion I haven't seen shared before even though in hindsight it's obvious. I personally have chosen not to have kids - one reason is doomer level but the other is time and independence. I have a dog that is a relatively (to kids) minor responsibility but in my day to day life feels like the biggest responsibility, I compare that to having a kid…

Having a dog is legitimately more than a kid 90% of the time if it's an indoor dog you treat like a kid. It's different, but constant and the dog never becomes self sufficient. It's also more challenging to travel with them.
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