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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#111

Post by FactolSarin »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

I rarely take mine to the park for the reason you mentioned.... It's boring. I just tell my kids to go play outside. They're 7 and 8 and are each other's best friend. Just find something you and your kids enjoy and do that

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#112

Post by andyferris »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

Hang in there another couple of years. Now my youngest is 7 I find life a lot more liberating then when they were under 6. And its fun doing "older" activities with the kids. But yeah it's hard for more than "the first few months/years"!

> when I see the child free people around me, and how they're spending their 30s

On the flip side, I wonder if you might enjoy your 70's and 80's a lot more with kids (and possibly grandkids).

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#113

Post by sam345 »

hattmall wrote: post #70
deamanto wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey just wanted to say that I really appreciate this comment and it's an opinion I haven't seen shared before even though in hindsight it's obvious. I personally have chosen not to have kids - one reason is doomer level but the other is time and independence. I have a dog that is a relatively (to kids) minor responsibility but in my day to day life feels like the biggest responsibility, I compare that to having a kid…

Having a dog is legitimately more than a kid 90% of the time if it's an indoor dog you treat like a kid. It's different, but constant and the dog never becomes self sufficient. It's also more challenging to travel with them.

I'm sorry I have had both kids and dogs. Dogs are WAY easier and less expensive than kids. On the positive side, kids are 1000% worth it and are with you for your lifetime. There is very little comparison between the two Why are kids compared with pets? . Would anybody compare a spouse with a dog ? Such comparisons are demeaning to both sides of the equation.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#114

Post by neverartful »

And during that time that they're 12 or younger:

- Read to your young children regularly. Ideally, every day. This is something my father did with me when I was very young and I can't express how wonderful it was.

- Remember that you're setting the example for them -- make it a good example. 2 specific examples that I always observed: never use profanity (even saying 'crap' was very infrequent), and never let your kids see you drunk (tipsy maybe, but not drunk). Let them see that people can go through a normal life without resorting to excessive use of alcohol (and no drugs!).

- Always have them as your top priority. Your kids take priority over your other interests and also your job. Family is forever. Your job is your job until the next one.

- Be involved in their school. Show up to every single parent-teacher conference and every single school event. This shows the school and your child that you're serious about their education and their well-being. Do everything possible to equip them for success in education.

- Teach them the morals, ethics, and faith that you have. Never assume that someone else will (or even should). Let them see that you live by them.

- Be fair and respectful to everyone (give them the benefit of the doubt). If your child grows up seeing you being this way, they're more likely to do the same.

- Have a lot of laughs. Laughter is a great thing. Whether it's watching an old, silly TV show, reading a silly book, or just being silly yourself -- make your children laugh.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#115

Post by gday2020 »

popularrecluse wrote: post #67
deamanto wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey just wanted to say that I really appreciate this comment and it's an opinion I haven't seen shared before even though in hindsight it's obvious. I personally have chosen not to have kids - one reason is doomer level but the other is time and independence. I have a dog that is a relatively (to kids) minor responsibility but in my day to day life feels like the biggest responsibility, I compare that to having a kid…

Well another thought is that the only way to revert this so-called doomerist path is to choose to have and raise kids with empathy for others and with care towards the natural world they've inherited. Because the people who don't give a shit ain't going to stop having them.

Raising them with good values doesn't mean that they will keep those throughout their life, unfortunately. Quite risky to bet on that.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#116

Post by irrational »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

I love being alone for extended periods of time. I once went to a week long conference and at the end of the week I realized that I had not spoken to a single person the entire week, after telling the people at the conference check in desk my name. But, I love spending time with my kids. It doesn’t feel like a chore at all.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#117

Post by irrational »

kotlin2 wrote: post #92
irrational wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We had 7 kids spread out over 15+ years (the oldest is 25 and the youngest is 9 - so about 16 years). Our oldest didn’t learn to sleep through the night until she was 7! At one time it seemed like I would never get a full nights sleep again, but it has been so many years now since I was last woken up by a kid at night (the last time was our 17 year old waking us up after he got home from work at 2am to tell us the ba…

I’ve always wondered how people with many kids can be emotionally available for all of them. How do you do it?

I don’t do it. At least not all of it. There is also their mom and their siblings. They have tons of people available for them. Often they are more interested in finding alone time since they are constantly surrounded by people who are emotionally available for them.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#118

Post by hackly »

andyferris wrote: post #112
WheatMillington wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

Hang in there another couple of years. Now my youngest is 7 I find life a lot more liberating then when they were under 6. And its fun doing "older" activities with the kids. But yeah it's hard for more than "the first few months/years"! > when I see the child free people around me, and how they're spending their 30s On the flip side, I wonder if you might enjoy your 70's and 80's a lot more with kids (and possibly g…

With the way things are going, they might be living with me in a basement and sharing my old age security for sustenance.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#119

Post by irrational »

kotlin2 wrote: post #110
zdragnar wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Part of it is that you are not their only support network; many siblings offers many outlets and sources for help / support / etc. Running a family that large is also certainly more time consuming in some aspects- grocery shopping is a significantly different experience when you go through multiple gallons of milk and dozens of eggs every few days, as an example. You rely on older children to help, and the whole fami…

Hmm that’s interesting. I wonder if the two systems produce equal outcomes into adulthood.

I’m not certain about adulthood (I doubt they are equal - there are probably positives and negatives both ways), but one of my kids has a friend who is an only child. She spends most of her time by herself and her home is very quiet. When she first came to our house, which is constantly in commotion (in a good way), she was sort of shell shocked. She has gotten used to it over time.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#120

Post by throwaway754653 »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

Glad it worked out for you but I have to disagree 100% -- we have 2 kids (2 and 5) and it feels like they're only getting more time intensive as they age.

Your anecdote about work made me laugh - my wife and I (both fully remote, WFH) have been dreaming of finding in-office jobs just to have more time away from the kids. I now relish my time at work, the only reprieve I'm able to get!

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