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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#91

Post by theGnuMe »

xwdv wrote: post #74
deamanto wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey just wanted to say that I really appreciate this comment and it's an opinion I haven't seen shared before even though in hindsight it's obvious. I personally have chosen not to have kids - one reason is doomer level but the other is time and independence. I have a dog that is a relatively (to kids) minor responsibility but in my day to day life feels like the biggest responsibility, I compare that to having a kid…

I have found dogs are more of a pain in the ass than kids. Having a dog is like having a kid that is stuck in the early toddler years in terms of effort IMO. Also far less rewarding, as a dog won’t really change much over time once it gets to adulthood fairly quickly. If you could have a dog for some significant length of time, a kid will be no problem by comparison.

Dogs really need a job. They were domesticated to work along side us. Any owner should invest in training them.

Ironically, it is kind of the same with kids, kids really need a job and cultures that put the kids to work doing chores and things at an early age seem to raise better adjusted kids.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#92

Post by kotlin2 »

irrational wrote: post #86
issa wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"forever" is very relative. If you have one kid, and a partner to raise them, then what you describe is very accurate. But if you have two kids spread out over a few years, then you can pretty much assume 15+ years of your life are going to be very kid focused. This is not a BAD thing! But go in with open eyes! And, most importantly, results will vary significantly. All kids are different. And factors like if you liv…

We had 7 kids spread out over 15+ years (the oldest is 25 and the youngest is 9 - so about 16 years). Our oldest didn’t learn to sleep through the night until she was 7! At one time it seemed like I would never get a full nights sleep again, but it has been so many years now since I was last woken up by a kid at night (the last time was our 17 year old waking us up after he got home from work at 2am to tell us the ba…

I’ve always wondered how people with many kids can be emotionally available for all of them. How do you do it?

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#93

Post by WheatMillington »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

I'm an introvert who enjoys alone time, and a parent of two. I agree with you on all your points, you're entirely correct. No, that stuff doesn't become magically enjoyable.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#94

Post by dhdhhdd »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

My kids are 5 and 2. I spend increasing amount of time with the 5 year old. Doing different projects, reading, math, teaching him how to read watch, talking about how stuff works. I don't know if it's less, it's just different.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#95

Post by wil421 »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

I have a 3 year old, 17 month old, and a 3 week old. My oldest and middle child go bike riding with me and my bike trailer. They also go kayaking with my wife and I. It can be a chore at times but over all it’s not and very enjoyable. They have a shorter limit than us for doing things.

It’s not a chore it’s a necessity. They are such a joy sometimes it’s unbelievable so you just grind it out. The lack of sleep is my least favorite part with the babies but it’s not so bad.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#96

Post by warner25 »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

I'll go ahead and say that you aren't wrong.

I have four kids under eight years old. I often feel like I'm just trying to kill the hours until they nap or go to bed, when I can finally have some quiet time alone. I feel very guilty about this whenever I'm reminded that this should be the best chapter of life with my kids, and it'll fly by, and I'll miss it when it's gone. I'm not saying that I don't have moments when I gaze at my kids in awe and feel full of love (which does seem to be different when they're _your_ kids)... I'm just usually exhausted and need more alone time, as an introvert, to recharge.

The article is right that "When kids are outside for lengthy periods of time they become engaged, contemplative, calm and happy. In other words, they don't drive you bonkers!" If we're inside our house, they fight and scream and cry and make a mess and break things and never leave me alone. If I take them outside, they can spread out and explore and the house stays intact (so I don't have to clean / fix it later). Sometimes at the park I can even read something or listen to a podcast / audiobook while they play.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#97

Post by notch656a »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

I feel it. Whether the statistics are true or not, the idea of being 75% done with the time by 12 sounds extremely liberating. I put in the time and effort for the sake of the children, but the truth is I want them independent as soon as possible. The older they get and the less they need (and the less time I have to spend with them), the more joy I get out of life. The first year was a black hole of lots of work which obviously the child has no capacity to really express gratefulness for (not that it is owed).

There's nothing that can really prepare you to know what parenthood will be like with you're particular children, and by the time you know what it's like to regret it it's too late -- at the very least you're in it for child support. I recommend anyone who enjoys their life as it as and don't see it as a "must have" to fulfill their sense of purpose to strongly STRONGLY consider before they have kids.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#98

Post by bedhead »

I've got two teenage boys and an 8 y/o daughter and this headline alone hit hard. The boys increasingly have their own lives and a growing amount of independence (which is good and we allow/encourage) but these days, scrolling through old iPhone photos when they're wearing Curious George tee shirts and whatnot can get you emotional fast in a way that didn't happen before. They increasingly don't need us nor want us around every last second, and I get it, but it can be a bitter pill to swallow. We're extra appreciative of every last second with our daughter now, and we tell our friends with little kids the same cliched advice to soak in every possible moment while they're young. It really is a special time both for you and them and it's when you'll spend the most time with each other.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#99

Post by magicalhippo »

keithnz wrote: post #8

on the flip side, a lot of kids experiences before 12 will be forgotten, some will be super memorable for their entire lives, but a lot of their memories of you as a "parent" and who you are as a person will be after the age of 12.

I've reached my 40s, but I have lots of memories of things I did with my parents and others from I was 4 and up. Not super special stuff either, but also "daily" interactions.

Now, I don't feel like I have a particularly great memory, I just imagined everyone could recall many different things from their childhood.

However I've noticed in the last few years both my SO and my mom often utter surprise when I recall some episode from when I was a kid, like "wow, you remember that?" Almost makes me feel like some weirdo for recalling that early stuff.

As to the topic at hand, since I do recall a fair bit from I was 4 and up, I'd say the time I spent with my parents before I was 12 definitely shaped me. So while I don't recall details of may conversations or similar, their parenting and behavior left a lasting impression.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#100

Post by fortylove »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

Completely agree with this comment. Having two kids is the best thing that's happened to me in life. Sure it's hard, especially early on. But to see them grow and make the right decisions is a better feeling than any work project or hobby can provide.
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