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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

1000hoursoutside.com

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#81

Post by 2muchcoffeeman »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

Playing with my nieces and nephews I found that it’s not hanging out that is a chore, but that they won’t always accept my years of experience as correct when I attempt to introduce them to the toys, games or shows that I grew up with.

:P

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#82

Post by conductr »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

Love this comment wanted to also share my biggest regret in life is waiting to have kids. I became a dad at 38. All the nights out with friends, happy hours, sleeping late, etc. mean very little now but I’d trade the world to be able to spend more time on earth with my kid.

Hopefully we maximize what we do have but, whatever it ends up being, it could have been more.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#83

Post by hellisothers »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

I like the garden metaphor for kids, works in a lot of situations. Like here, if somebody asked me to water/weed their tomato plants for a weekend I would not terribly enjoy it and if “having a tomato garden” was just that times 50 then forget it. But if you plant the garden and experience the joy of caring for the plants and the (literal) fruit of your labor it’s a different story.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#84

Post by 31337Logic »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

Thank you. :-)

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#85

Post by lamontcg »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't really like kids. I didn't really like kids when I was a kid. And that largely gets worse the older they get, up until they start pushing 30 or so.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#86

Post by irrational »

issa wrote: post #50
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

"forever" is very relative. If you have one kid, and a partner to raise them, then what you describe is very accurate. But if you have two kids spread out over a few years, then you can pretty much assume 15+ years of your life are going to be very kid focused. This is not a BAD thing! But go in with open eyes! And, most importantly, results will vary significantly. All kids are different. And factors like if you liv…

We had 7 kids spread out over 15+ years (the oldest is 25 and the youngest is 9 - so about 16 years). Our oldest didn’t learn to sleep through the night until she was 7! At one time it seemed like I would never get a full nights sleep again, but it has been so many years now since I was last woken up by a kid at night (the last time was our 17 year old waking us up after he got home from work at 2am to tell us the basement was flooding) that I hardly recall those sleepless nights. It is nice that all the kids are now old enough to bathe themselves, do their own laundry, can feed and clothe themselves, etc. Plus, I now have a homemade boardgaming group.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#87

Post by kbrannigan »

ProfessorLayton wrote: post #29

A huge asterisk here is that this varies greatly by culture. For better or worse* certain cultures value strong family bonds and time spent with the parents, as well as bilateral support well into adulthood. Many cultures also encourage multigenerational living within a single household (or in extremely close proximity like my parents did). For example, my parents were happy to have me live at home as long as I wante…

Yes! American, Anglo-Saxon culture while widespread is not the norm.

There is such thing as Inter-generational living.

You often see advice on the internet: Why are you 20 and still living with your parents, you're a loser.

You're 30 still living with your parents, you won't amount to anything.

Yeah right!!!

Meanwhile they leave alone with a dog,

- need a ton of additional psychotherapy to stay sane.

- Need to setup appointments to see their own parents

No thanks.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#88

Post by kotlin2 »

lamontcg wrote: post #85
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't really like kids. I didn't really like kids when I was a kid. And that largely gets worse the older they get, up until they start pushing 30 or so.

Obviously this doesn’t hold true for everyone, but your attachment to your kid has nothing to do with how you feel about kids in general.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#89

Post by kotlin2 »

ProfessorLayton wrote: post #29

A huge asterisk here is that this varies greatly by culture. For better or worse* certain cultures value strong family bonds and time spent with the parents, as well as bilateral support well into adulthood. Many cultures also encourage multigenerational living within a single household (or in extremely close proximity like my parents did). For example, my parents were happy to have me live at home as long as I wante…

How much did you hang out with them once you were home though? With a < 12 year old, you spend a few hours in the morning + from like 5:30 pm until bedtime on weekdays, and then the entire weekend, with your kid. I lived at home for some time. I spent an hour maximum per day with my dad, including on weekends.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#90

Post by WheatMillington »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want.

I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myself until the kids are down at 7.30, and I'm utterly wasted. Weekends are just chaos, yeah we can divide and conquer but that only goes so far.

As for enjoying hanging around with kids.... I don't know what age that starts, but I'm 5 years and counting.

Honestly I'm exhausted, and I'm not gonna lie, I have some regret about having kids when I see the child free people around me, and how they're spending their 30s.

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