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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#71

Post by peter422 »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

FWIW I have two children, aged 3 and 6 months, and I would say it is about accurate (for me) that the first hour is enjoyable and then the next 10 are less so. It's a chore that you are doing every single day.

However, the older they get the less boring they are and I assume at some point I will get more out of the relationship.

But I had the children so I gotta deal with what that entails and I'm comfortable with that. I went into this very willingly.

But I absolutely have no judgement against people who don't want to have children... It might not be for you, I don't have any magical emotion that makes it less work, and there are many, many things I'd rather be doing.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#72

Post by [deleted] »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

[deleted]

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#73

Post by Narkov »

issa wrote: post #50
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

"forever" is very relative. If you have one kid, and a partner to raise them, then what you describe is very accurate. But if you have two kids spread out over a few years, then you can pretty much assume 15+ years of your life are going to be very kid focused. This is not a BAD thing! But go in with open eyes! And, most importantly, results will vary significantly. All kids are different. And factors like if you liv…

So much this! Add in health issues to your list of "reasons why things can be different".

It's ignorant to think that your experience with kids is how it is for everyone. Kids can be hard - very hard.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#74

Post by xwdv »

deamanto wrote: post #55
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

Hey just wanted to say that I really appreciate this comment and it's an opinion I haven't seen shared before even though in hindsight it's obvious. I personally have chosen not to have kids - one reason is doomer level but the other is time and independence. I have a dog that is a relatively (to kids) minor responsibility but in my day to day life feels like the biggest responsibility, I compare that to having a kid…

I have found dogs are more of a pain in the ass than kids. Having a dog is like having a kid that is stuck in the early toddler years in terms of effort IMO. Also far less rewarding, as a dog won’t really change much over time once it gets to adulthood fairly quickly.

If you could have a dog for some significant length of time, a kid will be no problem by comparison.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#75

Post by D13Fd »

hattmall wrote: post #70
deamanto wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey just wanted to say that I really appreciate this comment and it's an opinion I haven't seen shared before even though in hindsight it's obvious. I personally have chosen not to have kids - one reason is doomer level but the other is time and independence. I have a dog that is a relatively (to kids) minor responsibility but in my day to day life feels like the biggest responsibility, I compare that to having a kid…

Having a dog is legitimately more than a kid 90% of the time if it's an indoor dog you treat like a kid. It's different, but constant and the dog never becomes self sufficient. It's also more challenging to travel with them.

With 4 kids and a dog, I tell people this, but no one believes me. Dogs can absolutely be harder than kids a lot of the time.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#76

Post by dubeye »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I have more of a 'when in rome' approach to kids. It's what humans tend to do, so I'll give it a go. Not everyone who goes on holiday to Rome has to do the tourist stuff though! But I'm not creative enough to work out what else to do...

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#77

Post by throwaway44111 »

xwdv wrote: post #74
deamanto wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey just wanted to say that I really appreciate this comment and it's an opinion I haven't seen shared before even though in hindsight it's obvious. I personally have chosen not to have kids - one reason is doomer level but the other is time and independence. I have a dog that is a relatively (to kids) minor responsibility but in my day to day life feels like the biggest responsibility, I compare that to having a kid…

I have found dogs are more of a pain in the ass than kids. Having a dog is like having a kid that is stuck in the early toddler years in terms of effort IMO. Also far less rewarding, as a dog won’t really change much over time once it gets to adulthood fairly quickly. If you could have a dog for some significant length of time, a kid will be no problem by comparison.

But not in terms of $$$

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#78

Post by somekyle »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

I imagine it varies, but from most people I know, it's the very definition of "labor of love". It's certainly a big time and effort commitment and sometimes you'd rather not, but there's basically nothing in life I care about more than my kids. And they can, in a moment, give me more joy or fulfillment than I'd find in a week in my pre-kids life.

I'm someone who needs alone time, and it's really hard for me at times, but their wellbeing impacts my wellbeing more than my wellbeing does, they sorta naturally became my #1 priority in life, so anything but taking care of them to the best of my ability simply doesn't make sense to me.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#79

Post by bcrosby95 »

peter422 wrote: post #71
rjh29 wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

FWIW I have two children, aged 3 and 6 months, and I would say it is about accurate (for me) that the first hour is enjoyable and then the next 10 are less so. It's a chore that you are doing every single day. However, the older they get the less boring they are and I assume at some point I will get more out of the relationship. But I had the children so I gotta deal with what that entails and I'm comfortable with th…

As they get older you can increasingly share your hobbies with them rather than be a pure source of child-like entertainment.

I have a 7 year old and two 4 year olds, and we: play video games, watch movies, go for hikes, climb trees, go swimming, play various sports, play dnd, play board games, and paint warhammer miniatures together.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#80

Post by lotsofpulp »

Narkov wrote: post #73
issa wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"forever" is very relative. If you have one kid, and a partner to raise them, then what you describe is very accurate. But if you have two kids spread out over a few years, then you can pretty much assume 15+ years of your life are going to be very kid focused. This is not a BAD thing! But go in with open eyes! And, most importantly, results will vary significantly. All kids are different. And factors like if you liv…

So much this! Add in health issues to your list of "reasons why things can be different". It's ignorant to think that your experience with kids is how it is for everyone. Kids can be hard - very hard.

Yes, I think many people’s concern is volatility. Health issues are primary, and can affect your ability to work, and your ability to work affects your ability to provide for the kid(s). So if you do not have able and willing family or friends around to assist, then it can seem to be a risky venture.
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