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Re: Parent time

#71

Post by [deleted] »

neutronicus wrote: post #61
luxurytent wrote: post #18

Parent of a young family with two kids (6, 2). We moved to a lower cost of living city because we simply couldn’t make it work back “home” where my parents were — and even then, they were an hour drive away within a suburb from our desired living location. We’ve been afar two years now. It’s a short flight (2 hrs) and my parents live quite close to the airport, so we see them about four times a year. This is still no…

> What’s been hardest is parenting without parental support. My wife and I followed my parents to the low-COL city where they retired, and, while it's been nice to see them somewhat frequently, we were a little dismayed to discover that they kind of feel like they've "done their time" and don't take my son nearly as much as we'd like. Maybe we just don't ask enough, I don't know.

[deleted]

Re: Parent time

#72

Post by jmacd »

neutronicus wrote: post #61
luxurytent wrote: post #18

Parent of a young family with two kids (6, 2). We moved to a lower cost of living city because we simply couldn’t make it work back “home” where my parents were — and even then, they were an hour drive away within a suburb from our desired living location. We’ve been afar two years now. It’s a short flight (2 hrs) and my parents live quite close to the airport, so we see them about four times a year. This is still no…

> What’s been hardest is parenting without parental support. My wife and I followed my parents to the low-COL city where they retired, and, while it's been nice to see them somewhat frequently, we were a little dismayed to discover that they kind of feel like they've "done their time" and don't take my son nearly as much as we'd like. Maybe we just don't ask enough, I don't know.

I think there is something about the boomer generation. This "I'm done" approach to grand parenting seems very widespread. A lot of friends have had the same realization that you describe.

I've resolved to be the opposite kind of grandparent. I really don't have a lot more I want to do later in life than spend time with the grandchildren I will hopefully have. I like my time alone and plan to travel extensively, but picking kids up from school, spending weekends with them 1-on-1, getting lost and doing interesting things are the magic of a childhood.

As a working parent we are burdened with so much other stuff it's hard to truly enjoy the simplicity of being around a child. I plan to shrug off all my other responsibilities and just enjoy it for what it is.

Re: Parent time

#73

Post by darod »

This is all well and good if you actually like your parents. There are reasons people leave home and never come back. Not all relationships with them are going to be the loving fairy tales one sees on TV.

Re: Parent time

#74

Post by stantaylor »

luxurytent wrote: post #67
neutronicus wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What’s been hardest is parenting without parental support. My wife and I followed my parents to the low-COL city where they retired, and, while it's been nice to see them somewhat frequently, we were a little dismayed to discover that they kind of feel like they've "done their time" and don't take my son nearly as much as we'd like. Maybe we just don't ask enough, I don't know.

My anecdotal experience from speaking with other young parents: this is way more common than I anticipated!

As someone whose kids are both (ages 27 and 23) finally out of the house in the last couple of years--but no grandkids yet--I totally get this. I've very much gotten used to having my own time FINALLY, being on my schedule, etc. My son and his fiancee have talked about moving back in with us for a year or two to save money, and the prospect does't sound that appealing to me at this point. I'm happy that our son thinks he's always welcome back, and he is, but it will be an imposition if they do it.

Re: Parent time

#75

Post by itsoktocry »

ubermonkey wrote: post #68

I mean, I get it, but for a lot of people their parents live in a place where professional and social opportunities are impossibly low. Living there, or even within a quick trip there, is just not reasonable IF you want more than (e.g.) the state you were born in can provide. I grew up in Mississippi. I knew from childhood I would leave, because even in the pre-Trump era it was dominated by an ugly, reactionary, raci…

>The author is privileged that his parents live in a reasonable place.

You preach tolerance and reasonableness, and paint (at least) 10% of the US population as with the same brush.

Re: Parent time

#76

Post by wallawe »

ubermonkey wrote: post #68

I mean, I get it, but for a lot of people their parents live in a place where professional and social opportunities are impossibly low. Living there, or even within a quick trip there, is just not reasonable IF you want more than (e.g.) the state you were born in can provide. I grew up in Mississippi. I knew from childhood I would leave, because even in the pre-Trump era it was dominated by an ugly, reactionary, raci…

This is nonsense. I lived in Vicksburg throughout my formative years and yes it has its fair share of rednecks but it's also go more diversity than most places in the US, e.g. Austin, TX.

Yes, there is a poor standard of living in many areas, but there's also an amazingly rich cultural history (not just for whites).

The problem is you are choosing to view an entire state strictly through the lens of politics when there are different groups, viewpoints, and communities to be a part of outside of the "conservative" ones you despise.

You come across as the privileged one tbh in that you can afford to leave and move on to better opportunities in different regions. Many of the poorest people in the nation live in MS and they could use our help rather than our condemnations.

Re: Parent time

#77

Post by xen2xen1 »

rcarr wrote: post #52

The flip side to this, are some of us who have had to move back in with parents as adults for various reasons. I might miss them when they’re gone, but I also feel like I’ve had enough interaction for one lifetime, especially when they’re also the person that causes me the most stress in life. It is natural to fly the nest. The ridiculous housing market that is forcing generations to live together is not. In tribal c…

My dad recently passed, and now I'm seeing much more of my mom than I have since I moved out. So yeah, sometimes distance is better..

Re: Parent time

#78

Post by faitswulff »

maerF0x0 wrote: post #4

I cant refind the website right now, but i once encountered an interesting website that took this concept further. It demonstrated that many of us have already spent between 95-99% of the time we will see our parents. Eg: * presume your parents have you at ~30 * Live at home 18years x 365 days per year = 6570 days * You see them a week per year for the remainder of their life = 50 years * 7 days per year = 350 days t…

https://www.seeyourfolks.com/

Re: Parent time

#79

Post by 8organicbits »

A better way to estimate life expectancy is to use an actuarial life table. SSA has a very simple one based only on age[1]. Those show an expected 18 years for someone 65 years old. It's interesting to see that life expectancy stays above one year until the age of 113. Of course these are just expected averages, they are useful at scale but individual experience will vary.

1. https://www.ssa.gov/oact/STATS/table4c6.html

Re: Parent time

#80

Post by fernanDOTdo »

lucozade wrote: post #37
spywaregorilla wrote: post #13

> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…

> I really can't get over imagining what a weird dude George is. Unless he's a real estate agent.

Touché
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