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On eating out alone

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Re: On eating out alone

#31

Post by spaetzleesser »

c7DJTLrn wrote: post #5
browningstreet wrote: post #2

This person thinks very hard about eating, and being alone while eating. It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that? This is also one of those things were the "pressures" are self-created. People in restaurants certainly aren't shocked if you go in there by yourself. I wonder if they've discovered the joys of going to movie theaters…

Yeah. If the author is afraid of appearing lonely, one of the most liberating things to realise is that nobody really gives a shit about you. At most, people will glance and exchange a few words upon noticing you before moving on to some other topic. For everyone else you're just part of the background of their life. Everyone is too busy thinking about their own insecurities and experience to think about you, general…

“nobody really gives a shit about you.”

This realization helped me a lot with social anxiety. For a long time I believed that everybody was watching and judging me. This made it very hard to go out and do things. It was a relief to be able to let go of this belief.

Re: On eating out alone

#32

Post by atemerev »

szundi wrote: post #18

Our animal ancestry makes us social animals. Afaik eating together is special important for us as a species for bonding. Just fyi, why avoid it when it is so basic and feels good.

All animals are social, bit some are more social than the other.

Re: On eating out alone

#33

Post by yosito »

browningstreet wrote: post #2

This person thinks very hard about eating, and being alone while eating. It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that? This is also one of those things were the "pressures" are self-created. People in restaurants certainly aren't shocked if you go in there by yourself. I wonder if they've discovered the joys of going to movie theaters…

It seems to me that the author is very young, and very concerned about what others think of them. Which, to be fair, is something that often fades with age. I can remember when I was in my 20s, I found eating alone to be uncomfortable.

But as I got older, I realized that I don't care at all what other people think about whether I'm eating alone or not, what I order, how fast I eat, etc etc. As long as no one is harmed, I just do what I want, and if other people don't like it, fuck 'em.

But this perspective comes with age.

Re: On eating out alone

#34

Post by shaftoe »

devin wrote: post #9

Before the pandemic, I used to go out alone on purpose just to meet random people. (I'm married.) I know this isn't for everyone, but I got good at it and I enjoy(ed) it. I've noticed however, that this is a skill that can atrophy. It's taken me a little while to get back to my old self in public places.

I'm curious how this can work. What you're describing sounds impossible.

You go to a restaurant: how do you have any kind off conversation beyond maybe a joke to someone in a line? My impression is that people are friendly but not interested in anything beyond pleasantries with a rando.

Re: On eating out alone

#35

Post by franze »

I love eating alone in a restaurant, either just thinking, reading a book or watching people.

I like spending time with other people.

And:

I relish spending quality time with me.

Or to put it another way: I am great company. Even for myself.

Re: On eating out alone

#36

Post by yamtaddle »

jakzurr wrote: post #15
spelunker wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Years ago when I had much less responsibility and a MoviePass I went to the theater alone regularly. It was great. I could watch whatever I was interested in and didn't have to convince anyone to join me. I saw Alien on the big screen for the first time during a special showing, it was great!

It's true; even if you've seen the film, sometimes watching other's reactions can be pretty entertaining!

Some kinds of film are just better with a big crowd. Comedies, often. Many horror movies. I'd say just about any Troma film is much better that way, as are many B-movies and cult classics. Even a few of the Marvel films have had a lot added to them by the theater experience, and hearing/seeing audience reactions (I'm thinking especially of Infinity War and Endgame).

Re: On eating out alone

#37

Post by [deleted] »

happytoexplain wrote: post #17
c7DJTLrn wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah. If the author is afraid of appearing lonely, one of the most liberating things to realise is that nobody really gives a shit about you. At most, people will glance and exchange a few words upon noticing you before moving on to some other topic. For everyone else you're just part of the background of their life. Everyone is too busy thinking about their own insecurities and experience to think about you, general…

>At most, people will glance and exchange a few words upon noticing you It's a surprise to me seeing this offered as a comfort, since I think it would be slightly mortifying to most people in the subset you're addressing.

[deleted]

Re: On eating out alone

#38

Post by yakubin »

happytoexplain wrote: post #17
c7DJTLrn wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah. If the author is afraid of appearing lonely, one of the most liberating things to realise is that nobody really gives a shit about you. At most, people will glance and exchange a few words upon noticing you before moving on to some other topic. For everyone else you're just part of the background of their life. Everyone is too busy thinking about their own insecurities and experience to think about you, general…

>At most, people will glance and exchange a few words upon noticing you It's a surprise to me seeing this offered as a comfort, since I think it would be slightly mortifying to most people in the subset you're addressing.

I have a favourite restaurant I go to regularly, alone. The waiters and cooks there know me, as I've been going there for years now. I also have a fairly stable taste, so for some time I've been seeing and overhearing them making bets upon my arrival about what and in what quantity I will order, before I actually make the order. Rather than being embarrassed about it, I'm amused and always want to smile when I notice this happening. People noticing your personal quirks is really not that bad.

Re: On eating out alone

#39

Post by tomcam »

miked85 wrote: post #23
trevorishere wrote: post #6

Eating out alone really hurts. It makes you feel that much more _alone_ because nearly everyone else is with their SO, a party, friend, etc. Bringing a phone is only a distraction to get through waiting for the meal to arrive. I dislike it more than being alone at home.

Is being alone at home really a bad thing?

Can't see where OP phrased it that way. What I read was "Eating out alone really hurts." This person was expressing feelings, not passing judgment.

Is sharing one's feelings really a bad thing?

Re: On eating out alone

#40

Post by pessimizer »

browningstreet wrote: post #2

This person thinks very hard about eating, and being alone while eating. It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that? This is also one of those things were the "pressures" are self-created. People in restaurants certainly aren't shocked if you go in there by yourself. I wonder if they've discovered the joys of going to movie theaters…

Eh, you're paying a premium to eat out, so it's weird to go out and to treat it like eating at home. The lower-end the food (i.e. the lower the premium) the less weird it seems. Very few people feel self-conscious eating alone at McDonald's.

Alone, you're just paying $9 for a $2 beer.

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