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Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

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Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

+1000 Thanks for mentioning this. If it’s depression then talking to a doctor is really important, and if you’re unsure of wether it’s a rut or depression then err on the side of caution and speak to a doctor. There’s apps like Talking Space that let you speak to a therapist if you’d rather go ‘off the books’ so to speak.

Ok so now, can I go directly to a therapist or do I need to fight a bureaucratic machine to get a recommendation or some shit.

Check out Talking Space - it’s expensive but let’s you speak to someone without a referral and have access almost 24/7. I’ve heard good things. And there is some trust-based discounts that help price wise. No affiliation with them btw!

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#182
Hey Mate,

This is the sort of discussion I come to HN for. I've loved reading through the comments. Thanks for creating this thread. Lots of good stuff here.

ADHD is relevant to burnout fatigue.

For me, burnout is easy to spot coming. Energy in... there has to be more satisfaction coming out.

When I can't just build the one little thing I set about building, I get frustrated with work.

For me, ADHD means that I worry about all the little shit that's going on that I can't control. I want to care about all of it, but it's so disappointing to have to continue to compromise and pivot throughout a project. You build something aligned with the original spec, and someone new comes in and says, "Bolt in some more crap." And my head instantly goes to, "But that'll fuck up our ability to do XYZ / work with ABC down the road..."

One of the things I've had long discussions with people over is, "How is it you can just care about one day at a time or one small thing you're building? How is it you don't have 200 ideas from the backlog running through your head all day? How is it you can go through the day without worrying about the 15 peripheral projects that your features impact? How can you not care about how this will work in the future?"

The last one is the big one. So many times in tech projects, we have to make compromises. "Oh well we don't have time to build it right, just slop something together... someone can manually run a script daily to keep it working until there's time to do it right." Fuck that sort of stuff, no matter how much I logically get the need for pushing things that aren't "perfect" (things will never be perfect)... they can't help but gnaw at me.

And all that shit gets heavy. Ghosts and tech debt just rattling around in my head all day. The longer I work on a project, the worse it gets. If the pace of build, and pace of wins, don't keep ahead of the distraction garbage then my satisfaction levels go into the shitter. And this is such a subjective thing.

A company could be crushing it, growing, product sales off the charts... but if my idea wasn't used, or I had to add more tuna-fish to the PB&J I thought we set out to make... y'know, if I can't control the dumb scope creep that costs us stuff I do care about... it's hard to balance it all. "But if we do this then our clean and nice and well-thought-through API has to be re-written to account for this idiot request from that idiot VP in the corner over there..." It's hard to keep happy. Burnout ensues.

Wish I had a solution for you. Exercise. Sure. Friends. Sure. Travel. Sure. For me... switching jobs every year or three helps gives me a reset. ADHD meds... if they work for you, keep monitoring them. The dosages shift over time. Figure out a good routine, and a good diet that lets your meds be most effective. I had to give up drinking and drugs. And man... I fucking loved tying one on after a project launch. But booze / drugs can make it easier to let yourself get down.

A change of scenery helps me. Fortunately, it's not hard to change jobs in the industry we're in. Getting to do things "my way" helps... most of the time. I hate jobs at big companies where I'm told "we have a process" -- if I want to feel any satisfaction, I need to be free to find a good solution, not just run a playbook someone else created.

Ways to work this in at work? Stay data-focused. It's OK to disagree with people, especially if you have data to back up your claims. Trust your gut, but sanity check yourself. Have a friend you trust who can sanity check you. "Hey, my gut says this is a bad idea... but I can't tell if it's a bad idea because I didn't come up with it, or it's a bad idea."

Realize that... this is the hard one for me... nothing will ever be perfect. Most things are shit, barely passable shit duct-taped together into something that sort of works somewhat but barely. Everything is silly fragile and written sloppy, and has a ton of garbage bolted onto it. But imperfect things still have value.

I try and focus on what people say about the work, not my own judgment of it. If I listened to my own judgment, man... I'd burn every last project down to the ground instead of launching it. But objectively, most of them were what the clients / business stakeholders needed at the time.

None of them ever gave me the full satisfaction I sought. I've learned that I have to get that other places.

Personal goals... just losing some weight, being able to run a mile in a certain amount of time, picking up X bags of garbage at the park, collecting all the Garbage Pail Kids cards... Who knows, who cares, just define some for yourself. You won't get paid. You won't get recognition. But you have these personal metrics to help you keep from getting down. Deep down, I know I'm a good person because of ABC. I know I have value because of XYZ. Finding these things is what life is all about. (=

I wish someone had told 20-something me, "Hey, work can in rare occurrences give you some thrills, but in the long run it'll never make you happy." Just treat it like a paycheck. You've gotta have your own performance metrics, and find purpose in your life that isn't a 9-to-5 job. What are we here for? That's up to you to define for yourself, but you won't get much satisfaction out of life until you find / define your own path.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#183
post #177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please add animal fats or olive oil to your diet. The modern processed oils are bad. Animal based fats or olive, coconut and other traditional oils are better. Avoid palm, corn, vegetable oil. Also salt is healthy. Check out the channel what I've learned on youtube.

All oils and added fats are bad for people with heart problems or those at risk of them.

The right types of oils will reduce heart issues. Eating a carb heavy oil free / fat free life will kill you.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#184
I'm 31. I used to get stoned daily in my early 20s, until I got a job with a clearance, and so have abstained for several years.

The two best (and most difficult) lifestyle changes I ever made in life were cutting out weed and pornography. I probably wouldn't have had the strength to give up pornography without giving up the weed.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’d like to underline Step 2. My experience w/ Step 2 was playing kubb, barefoot, in my backyard for large chunks of the afternoon. Most of that time was spent telling myself, “work can wait, this is what I’m doing right now.”

Love kubb! I wish I had folks to play with during the work day ahha.

yes. One of the benefits of the pandemic was the introduction of global virtual 1-v-1 matches. Some one somewhere on the globe is likely up for playing right now ;)

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#186

Exercise, drop the drugs, ensure you have some part of your identity unrelated to work. I was in a rut for years because my work was my identity and I wasn’t where I wanted to be (thank you effective altruism for the identity crisis lol). When I moved out to California I quit drinking (for a while, quit again more recently), focused on exercising, and set a goal of not seeing my whole identity as a software developer…

Everyone says this: work out, eat good, sleep well, let go of bullshit and get the girl. The problem is that while it often works, no one seems to understand why it does - or why it doesn't work for a lot of people. Taking care of your health and general well-being is a basic activity at some point and may not give you the necessary emotional boost to escape your own hand carved rut. The real issue is that you need t…

For sure, nothing is one-size-fits-all in life!

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#189

Exercise, drop the drugs, ensure you have some part of your identity unrelated to work. I was in a rut for years because my work was my identity and I wasn’t where I wanted to be (thank you effective altruism for the identity crisis lol). When I moved out to California I quit drinking (for a while, quit again more recently), focused on exercising, and set a goal of not seeing my whole identity as a software developer…

I agree, at least in spirit. I exercise 2 hours per day, 5 times a week, and eat healthy food: vegetables, protein, no snacks, low sugar, low salt, no ketchup, no mustard, no mayonnaise, no oil for cooking, basically anything doctors recommend, I do it, and I have been doing it for the last 5 years or so. Does it help? Probably. Do I still feel constant dread? Yes, every single day, but I learned to live with that fe…

2 hours a day spent exercising? It must be something you really love. I bike to work and back everyday no matter what that’s 40 minutes exercise for me. I also go to gym couple of times a week that’s already hard to fit in my schedule

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#190

> All I really look forward to these days is getting high and playing video games or watching Seinfeld reruns each weekend Not saying it's the only cause of your problems, but you shouldn't underestimate the affect that getting high can have on how you feel when you're not high (especially if it's an every day or most days thing). Consider a (say 3-6 month) detox.

Listening to a joe rogan podcast with matthew walker about sleep - seems that drugs can prevent you from getting REM sleep. So the detox might be a good step.

a related podcast clip with another interviewer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwrrKlII4XA

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