Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#131

Post by turns0ut » Mon, Jul 25, 2022, 5:58 PM UTC

EddySchauHai wrote: post #40

Exercise, drop the drugs, ensure you have some part of your identity unrelated to work. I was in a rut for years because my work was my identity and I wasn’t where I wanted to be (thank you effective altruism for the identity crisis lol). When I moved out to California I quit drinking (for a while, quit again more recently), focused on exercising, and set a goal of not seeing my whole identity as a software developer…

Devils advocate; I ditched video games, TV, mindless social media, internet scrolling, but kept the daily 420 and coffee (caffeine is a psychoactive too) and I get more technical work done than ever.

In the end the weed makes what I’m doing feel more interesting. Media is designed to be interesting; together, too much stimulus.

Like remote or in office, it’s too subjective to say what is exactly right or not for others.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#132

Post by silksowed » Mon, Jul 25, 2022, 5:59 PM UTC

avree wrote: post #113

eurasiantiger wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah that’s now called undiagnosed ADHD, because that’s what it is.

Yeah, my motivation goes up when I smoke weed, not down. And it took me until I was an adult to realize that I was using weed to treat undiagnosed ADHD. I still enjoy smoking weed, but don't have a dependence on it to function now that I have a proper diagnosis and treatment.

this is me but before a diagnosis and treatment. i think its time to go see doc

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#133

Post by [deleted] » Mon, Jul 25, 2022, 6:00 PM UTC

EddySchauHai wrote: post #101

spion wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How did you go about achieving that identity goal?

I’ve worked remotely for years beyond the start of Covid so my personal and work life had morphed into one. The key thing here was disassociating the two with clear boundaries. Also, I tried to stop comparing myself to others I see on sites like HN and LinkedIn who have these ‘perfect’ careers and focus on improving myself only against myself (and at a slower pace, one summer I spent the entire time on Coursera as if…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#134

Post by throwaway6734 » Mon, Jul 25, 2022, 6:04 PM UTC

willcipriano wrote: post #23

I was feeling the same way in my late 20's. Sort of climbed all the hills I cared about climbing. I ended up getting married and having a kid. For me, life would be really boring without children. It's more fun to watch her have fun than it is to have fun yourself, if that makes sense.

>For me, life would be really boring without children. It's more fun to watch her have fun than it is to have fun yourself, if that makes sense.

This is one of the reasons I'm very excited to have my first child (soon!) and reminds me of the pleasure of marriage.

By nature I'm never really satisfied with anything I do and am always pushing for "more". Marriage and hopefully children has made it so I can relax and not feel bad about wasting time and not pursuing the next step. I just need to care for my wife and my soon to be child. I've got a constant north star to help guide any decision I make and I always have a purpose

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#135

Post by madrox » Mon, Jul 25, 2022, 6:04 PM UTC

I've been there. I was staying up way too late and when I did sleep I'd be laying in bed for hours before I finally dozed off. I had things I wanted to do, but since I didn't have the energy to do them I started feeling worse, which left me with less energy. You're describing a classic cycle of ADHD depression.

I fixed mine by jolting myself out of my routine. I went back to school. I suddenly had a whole new batch of problems and dealing with new problems that felt immediate was what I needed.

For you, based on what I know now (I'm in my 40s), I have some advice:

- put the coding project down for now. Don't make that the thing you ought to be doing. Put your notebooks in a box and the code in an archived folder.

- get outside. Go for walks. Find a hiking trail. Listen to some podcasts. Walk at least a mile every day. Use that as thinking/meditation time

- stop getting high. The best way I've heard it said was from someone in my support group: "getting high makes you ok with being bored." That's killing a lot of your motivation.

- Work very hard on getting good sleep. This is the hardest and I never really figured it out until my late 30s, but good sleep will fix most of your issues. Unfortunately, getting good sleep is difficult. You need to mentally and physically exhaust yourself daily, and it sounds like you're doing neither. Start by trying to physically exhaust yourself, whether it's the gym or something else. Expand from there.

If you'd like more help, feel free to DM me. I've been where you are, and it sucks. You can find contact info in my bio. Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#136

Post by tetha » Mon, Jul 25, 2022, 6:04 PM UTC

I'm kinda climbing out of one as well. One thing sounds strangely esoteric, but I've found it very useful for my creativity to just take breaks from the constant input barrage the internet can offer. It feels like those beat down the much more silent voices of motivation and creativity for me.

I've found the most creativity just hanging out in a hammock on my balcony looking at the sky for an hour. Maybe softly listening to some music I like. Or just sitting near one of the rivers, or in a park for an hour watching some squirrels or a bunch of bumblebees. Just don't do anything and be with nature. This does get somewhat boring for a minute and there's some craving for consuming for more stuff on the internet, but shortly afterwards, my brain starts to think creatively about stuff.

The last time, it led to some realizations about better and stronger character building in my novels, and created a number of really good characters and how to continue there. Or an idea of what I could build in Cities Skylines, or Minecraft, and suddenly there is some motivation to play these games, instead of just mindless bumbling through them. And sure, maybe I've been thinking about one character now for a week, and that feels slow, but it's good progress.

And on the other part, I'm looking to change the understanding of my anxiety as a superpower in preparation and contingency, and started to throw myself into a bunch of activities that have nothing to do with work. First a metal festival, a concert 1-2 weeks ago. It's quite incredible how just these two things have lifted by baseline mood, which makes it a lot easier to do other things good for me instead of moping them away.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#137

Post by garrickvanburen » Mon, Jul 25, 2022, 6:07 PM UTC

brailsafe wrote: post #7

Hey, I've had this experience almost perfectly. It's brutal, it's called burnout, and it takes a while to recover from. Loosely, it's depression, but specifically within the context of your personal connection with work. I burnt out for the second time in March 2022, and it took about a year to start having the desire to code again, and another 3/4 of a year to find another job. When I get into this state, I almost a…

I’d like to underline Step 2.

My experience w/ Step 2 was playing kubb, barefoot, in my backyard for large chunks of the afternoon. Most of that time was spent telling myself, “work can wait, this is what I’m doing right now.”

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#138

Post by skeeter2020 » Mon, Jul 25, 2022, 6:08 PM UTC

zachrip wrote: post #127

guessmyname wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree, at least in spirit. I exercise 2 hours per day, 5 times a week, and eat healthy food: vegetables, protein, no snacks, low sugar, low salt, no ketchup, no mustard, no mayonnaise, no oil for cooking, basically anything doctors recommend, I do it, and I have been doing it for the last 5 years or so. Does it help? Probably. Do I still feel constant dread? Yes, every single day, but I learned to live with that fe…

You don't have to be militant about health/exercise to get real world positive effects out of it though. Many people talk about how much better they feel after a 30 min run in the morning shrug

>> Many people talk about how much better they feel after a 30 min run

You don't even need to run. Starting your day with a 15min walk has huge benefits. Maybe someday most people can actually enjoy their physical activities but start by forcing yourself to do something, similar to flossing your teeth, will form the habit and give you a taste of the positive benefits.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#139

Post by EddySchauHai » Mon, Jul 25, 2022, 6:09 PM UTC

zachrip wrote: post #127

guessmyname wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree, at least in spirit. I exercise 2 hours per day, 5 times a week, and eat healthy food: vegetables, protein, no snacks, low sugar, low salt, no ketchup, no mustard, no mayonnaise, no oil for cooking, basically anything doctors recommend, I do it, and I have been doing it for the last 5 years or so. Does it help? Probably. Do I still feel constant dread? Yes, every single day, but I learned to live with that fe…

You don't have to be militant about health/exercise to get real world positive effects out of it though. Many people talk about how much better they feel after a 30 min run in the morning shrug

Yeah the goal is to enjoy life and being healthy makes that possible for longer. I try to eat healthy but no one is keeping me away from my occasional cheesy pasta or burger. No one.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#140

Post by skeeter2020 » Mon, Jul 25, 2022, 6:10 PM UTC

EddySchauHai wrote: post #92

kradeelav wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I might quibble a bit with the 'just stay positive' line, but the "identity that's unrelated to work" is so real, crucial, and easy to overlook. Trying to jam a sense of life purpose that's a circle into a square hole of "make money" just leads to being miserable for the sake of being miserable.

Well what worked for me might not work for them - no one will get out of a rut without positivity though. Maybe getting high and playing video games is the solution and the guy goes full time streamer and loves his work all of a sudden! Who knows :)

I don't think anyone takes issue with your belief that you need to get positive, more as advice it sounds similar to "get confident" or other "outcomes as strategies" statements.