Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

I'm a technical writer in his late 20's working remotely for a company based in New York. My background is in software development, but I took this job because at the time it was easier for me to find work as a technical writer than as a software engineer (and because I saw technical writing as close enough in spirit). I started the job this past fall.

In a nutshell, I'm dissatisfied with how my life is going. I can't galvanize myself to do anything. I'm on the clock right now, and here I am complaining about my life instead.

I don't give a damn about my employer, or the product it makes. I can't get interested in it. I can't get excited about the tedious parts of my work, and I can't even get excited about _automating and eliminating_ the tedious parts of my work.

And it's not just my day job. I'm ostensibly working on a game on the side, but I haven't touched it in months. I'm not even sure I want to continue it, as I've been working on it for years without being able to fulfill my goals for it. And this is coming from someone who got into computer science _because_ of video games.

Things that used to bring me joy...don't, any more. All I really look forward to these days is getting high and playing video games or watching Seinfeld reruns each weekend. And even that barely tickles my fancy these days! There's a game coming out this week that I should be excited for (because I love the series it's part of), yet I can't even galvanize myself to purchase it.

I can barely even open my IDE at work, as it greets me with dread where I once found joy and ambition.

Also, I have ADHD. This is probably relevant, but I haven't quite figured out how.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person here who's ever felt like this, so my question is this: *if you've ever been in this kind of rut, what was the nature of that rut and what did you do about it?*

Also, one thing I'd like to clarify: I'm not suicidal.

I try to spend my time after work socializing with people - when I'm not motivated enough to spend time on my projects.

People give us meaning and good social feelings.

> All I really look forward to these days is getting high and playing video games or watching Seinfeld reruns each weekend

Not saying it's the only cause of your problems, but you shouldn't underestimate the affect that getting high can have on how you feel when you're not high (especially if it's an every day or most days thing). Consider a (say 3-6 month) detox.

Hey, I've had this experience almost perfectly. It's brutal, it's called burnout, and it takes a while to recover from. Loosely, it's depression, but specifically within the context of your personal connection with work. I burnt out for the second time in March 2022, and it took about a year to start having the desire to code again, and another 3/4 of a year to find another job. When I get into this state, I almost always get terminated, so you might have that to look forward to, but it's a learning experience.

Step 1) Search "guide to burnout hacker news" and just read the recent or not-so-recent threads.

Step 2) Probably lower your expectations of yourself on a day-to-day basis. Do the absolute bare minimum to stay employed.

Step 3) If you can, see a therapist

Step 4) Forget about the game for now and don't guilt yourself about it. Realistically it probably wasn't going to get off the ground anyway, and consider it a learning experience. If you give it some time and want to come back to it, you'll probably have a renewed enthusiasm, but not if you just look at the source code folder and guilt yourself about it. Detach yourself from this idea—especially for those of us with ADHD—that you'll stay interested in the same things over time, or that you should. Let it happen naturally, explore some other ideas, technical or otherwise, see what does it for you if anything.

Step 5) Take a leave of a month if you can financially (but regardless of if your employer wants you too), and see if that changes things.

Step 6) Spend that month closer to nature

I was just about on the verge of burnout recently, but I just literally got on a plane and left. I risked my job to do that, team didn't like it, but I was risking my career yet again if I didn't do it.

> All I really look forward to these days is getting high and playing video games or watching Seinfeld reruns each weekend.

I'm not a therapist, but getting high might be interfering with your enjoyment of other things, since it increases your serotonin and dopamine levels to a point where enjoying other less rewarding activities (in comparison) can be challenging.