Earlier quoted context omitted.
Try Vedic astrology also.
Why not ?! I’m game !
Be careful about being scammed by astrologers, palmists, reiki readers, psychics.
Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
641–650 of 741 posts
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#642After reading all the commentary I can’t help but feel HN got baited to shower a narcissist with compliments. I wish more people would just pile the OP’s answers and read before responding to any individual thread.
Well done lads, well done.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#643You're a control freak. But you can't control love. I'd suggest you let go. Perhaps the Universe is telling you that should help people, instead of trying to subdue them. Open your heart and let people in.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#644Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm not sure if I'm reading the previous comment and this one correctly, but it sounds like you're up front with your dates about what you want -- the monogamy, kids, etc. And that could work well, but... it also might not. It creates a feeling of pressure, which I'll try to explain: Some time back, I was set up for a date with an absolutely amazing woman. She was attractive, fit, wealthy, worked as a CTO in a very s…
I have to confess that when I don't think a guy is a good fit for me, I really go heavy into my desire to get married and have kids soon. It's a really good way to avoid being asked on a second date and having to hurt someone's feelings. Anyway, I think this woman missed out, because you are a great writer and seem to have a high opinion of women and really respect them.
That's a pretty funny strategy. Considering how smart my date was, I'm sure she was also aware enough to know the whole "kids now" thing might scare me off and said it anyway, in line with whatever her dating game theory was.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#645Earlier quoted context omitted.
*When I’m building my startup, no one says, sit back, be confident and the startup will grow itself* Maybe it’s because someone else’s feelings are involved too? And they may not want to be a pawn in your plan?
The idea that partners are not a means to an end is the last bitter pill to swallow before learning to love yourself.
Most importantly, you can’t love someone else until you love yourself.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#646It does sound like standards or the dating process may be an issue. 120 dates in two years seems like a huge number to me. But I’ve been out of the dating scene for many years.
I think the main things you need to look for are:
1. Someone you enjoy being around, most of the time, and who enjoys being around you.
2. Someone who shares your general life goals or is motivated to move towards them.
3. Someone who is honest with you and with whom you share a mutual respect.
4. Someone you are physically attracted to.
It seems tough to filter for these things other than #1 and #4 on a single date.
And #2 is malleable. I always said the world has too many people and I never wanted kids. Then I met a girl I liked and overheard a conversation where she told someone that she absolutely wanted kids. So I said “I guess I’m changing that plan” and decided to have kids. We wound up married with 4 kids, and it’s awesome.
I think most other things that people focus on (shared interests, liking the same music, similar background, whatever) are a bit overrated. I would describe them as nice-to-have but not deal breakers. If you can find the four things above early in the relationship and avoid red flags (any sign of abusiveness, mental issues, etc.) you are in pretty decent shape IMO.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#647Earlier quoted context omitted.
True that. An older woman makes me think birth defects, less agreeable, more jaded, less spontaneous, less flexible, worrying more, and less energetic for weekend adventures. These are mostly stereotypes that don't hold for all cases. The birth defects part is the only statistical one. I (44m S NM NK MAANG) inadvertently have much younger gfs (19-27), Master's- / PhD-types who also tend to be more emotionally and lif…
im not sure we are suppose to have preferences, these days.
Sorry, I don't know what you mean by that. If "supposed" implies judgements from vague "them", I don't really care what "they" think.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#648Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm not comment OP, but you literally said "I was like, um, I’m not sure I knew I was for SALE?" A women for sale is pretty much a whore, so it doesn't seem they read into rather than taking you literally. But even regardless, the fact that you took his word 'taken' in a literal sense rather than the compliment it was intended as, and here your defending it again rather than reflecting. If your crossing off guys beca…
How would you feel on a date if a woman asked, "why have you not been taken?"
Impossible to answer. Social cues are tough. It all depends on how it was said and how it was meant - could be a totally innocuous comment or something to be concerned about.
For some people, “why have you not been taken” may mean nothing more than “I really like you and I can’t believe you are available.”
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#649Earlier quoted context omitted.
Dating books are written by people who are in the business of selling books. I would doubt many elderly couples or parties of who are happily-married for decades write dating or relationship advice books. Keep your money and talk to happy couples: it's better information for cheaper.
I think that's a really good point. I do try to only read dating books by people who have happy, successful marriages. All the better if it was a challenge for them to find someone. People who found a happy marriage effortlessly often can't give that great advice because they didn't go through the struggle and find a solution.
My grandparents were both from extremely broken homes and married young (15 and 21). They were together until they passed, for 70+ years. Even so, they split for about 6 months at one point but came back together.
They:
Chose their battles.
Didn't hold grudges regarding resolving disagreements with compromises and solutions.
Worked together in things as simple as cleaning up the dishes (~6 minutes usually).
Spent a great deal of time together.
Never forgot love meant showing respect, kindness, and tenderness towards each other.
---
In my opinion, a keeper is found by gradually intuiting answers to the extreme fundamental questions in life:
1. Is the vibe approaching effortless, real, natural, and safe? This alone isn't enough but it's a good sign.
2. Do they tick most of the ideal adjectives of a sense of humor, honest, reliable, respectable, fascinating, wise, and not a liability?
3. Who would you (and they) prefer to be stuck on a proverbial deserted island with them?
3. Would you'd trust them implicitly with decisions about your life and everything else if you were away or incapacitated?
4. Have you seen their reactions to not getting their way, under pressure, and with people not in positions of power?
5. Would you die and/or kill (if absolutely essential) for them, and vice-versa again?
6. Are both of you better together than apart overall?
That's my 2c. My bill is in the mail. :)
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#650I know many educated, intelligent, attractive, kind 40 something women. Who also say they want to get married. But, are searching for a unicorn. And will not lower their unreasonable standards. Because, their dream guy doesn’t exist. Some dealbreaker’s of their’s - never married no kids degree makes 6 figures texan (even though she is in colorado) makes 7-8 figures a year (I kid you not, $1-10M / yr) dog lover vegan…
Agreed. The term partner is really not what men are looking for. We’re looking for a wife— take care of my house and children, be attractive and cook. If you’re intelligent more the better.
This is a super weird attitude to me (a man).
I was absolutely looking for a partner, and I did not care even a little whether she cooked. And physical attractiveness is extremely subjective and not the highest on my list (although obviously it is important). But to each their own I guess.