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A picture of me

caspercloudwalker.bearblog.dev

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Re: A picture of me

#161

Post by allenu »

Shugarl wrote: post #132
allenu wrote: post #39

I sympathize with the author. I'm in my mid-forties now and have recognized that I haven't been great at maintaining friendships. I think I've experienced something similar during the quarantining portion of the pandemic, where I didn't really interact with anyone directly, at least not in person. I had a job, so did interact with people over Zoom, and I will admit that that helped. A few months ago, however, I quit…

> I think it's important to realize that many people don't enjoy it either but just use it as a social grease to move into more deep conversation or connection. I disagree. I'm like the author, but I do make sure to always listen when I'm with a group or if I'm around people. And either they're really good at hiding the deeper conversation, more interesting from me, or they just tend to smalltalk for the sake of smal…

You're not wrong. Chitchat often isn't started with the intent to move into deeper topics. Maybe a better way for me to phrase it is I think small talk is a social convention we use to open up ourselves to the possibility of more connection.

Talking about the weather to a stranger in the park is a low-risk way to connect. Once we're talking, maybe we'd both find something else we have in common and go from there, or one person isn't interested in going further, so we part and feel like we've lost nothing. It wouldn't be as effective, I think, to go in with the intent of talking about philosophy with a total stranger.

Quick aside: I went on a first date with someone once who told me she wasn't interested in small talk and preferred deeper topics. She broke out a notebook and started asking deep questions about me, which I found really off-putting. It didn't feel to me that we had progressed to that level yet. There's something about human nature where, to most of us, we feel the need for some ceremony of going from mundane topics to get comfortable, and then eventually deeper ones. It felt like she violated that rule, in a sense, which threw me off.

Re: A picture of me

#162

Post by dkersten »

iratewizard wrote: post #78
dkersten wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is something that always bothers me. A lot of people forget that you have to work on relationships and then eventually they fall apart. I'm of the opinion that a belief in "soulmates" or finding "the one" or whatever is a big part of the problem: if they're your soulmate, then everything should always be perfect, right? and if its not, then that means they weren't actually the one, so end of relationship and mov…

I think understanding "soulmate" -whether or not it exists - can be understood by looking at the antithesis. I know I've been in a mistake of a relationship where I had found the opposite of a soulmate. The things that made her awful for me are characteristics I used to filter people out until I found my wife. There's definitely an argument that soulmate don't exist. That anyone can be the one that you want as long a…

I think its pretty clear that some people just don't get on, so I don't think its true that basically any two people can "be the one". You need some kind of shared values and ideals first. Beyond that though, I think most people can work if both are willing to work on it. My main point is that a belief in the romantic notion of someone being "the one" seems to give people a false sense of complacency: if they're truly "the one", then surely you don't need to work on the relationship, and if the cracks start to show, that's clearly a sign that they weren't actually "the one". In reality, life isn't so rosy and we have to work on our relationships, even if we get on amazingly well with that person.

Re: A picture of me

#163

Post by imwillofficial »

guerrilla wrote: post #94
shepherdjerred wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Nobody means literally nobody when they say nobody. This is a funny sentence because you're using "nobody" in the exact way that you claim "nobody" else does.

I mean that's half the joke, but am I though? :)

Maybe take that one back to the drawing board. It’s got some potential.

Re: A picture of me

#164

Post by dkersten »

senorqa wrote: post #124
dkersten wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is something that always bothers me. A lot of people forget that you have to work on relationships and then eventually they fall apart. I'm of the opinion that a belief in "soulmates" or finding "the one" or whatever is a big part of the problem: if they're your soulmate, then everything should always be perfect, right? and if its not, then that means they weren't actually the one, so end of relationship and mov…

I think we can "blame" romanticism for that imaginary vision of a soul mate. I really like Alain de Botton's take on Romanticism https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPOuIyEJnbE

That's a great video, thanks for posting it!

Re: A picture of me

#165

Post by AlwaysRock »

overeater wrote: post #126
AlwaysRock wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

100%. I thought I was good at making friends becuase I always had a friend group I could do stuff with. Turns out I just had a hobby that forced me to show up at the same place 1-2 times a week with the same group of people. I continued that hobby in every new city I moved to and easily "made friends" there. It's kind of silly but honestly a lot of friendships are just the people one sees most often.

What was that hobby?

Improv for many years. Recently its been MMA.

Re: A picture of me

#166

Post by worthless-trash »

noduerme wrote: post #155
ungamedplayer wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you kidding, those modelling poses look ridiculous!

Someone is going to probably ban me for saying this out loud, but when artificial duck lips started appearing on living human women was about when I knew this had all gone too far. Like, who's going to love you after you surgically alter yourself to look like your Instagram profile?

Who knows mate, I guess its all short term thinking or maybe popularity is more of a sexual attraction factor nowadays.

Re: A picture of me

#167

Post by worthless-trash »

satisfice wrote: post #115
ungamedplayer wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You used just in the response, knowing how much they hate it.

Don't expect to bully people into not using perfectly reasonable language. My language is not for you to dictate. Just deal with it, or stop trying to talk.

No! stop trying to bully me into telling you want to do, you stop trying to talk!

Re: A picture of me

#168

Post by new_newbie »

danenania wrote: post #54
new_newbie wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is spot on from my own experiences. I'm currently in that sort of a position where I'm aware my energy (which I've started to refer to as currency with my therapist) is low. It refreshes every day (the amount depending on sleep quality) and even at the best of days it's not enough to do an iota of what I was previously capable of doing. Personally, in my situation I believe the answer to be antidepressants and w…

You know what’s best for you. I’m wondering though if you’ve tried the non-pharmaceutical options already? Daily exercise, time outside, eating healthy, limiting screen time, sleeping well, and all that. A lot of studies have found doing these things to be at least as effective as SSRIs. They can create hormonal and neurochemical changes that are just as strong. Check out some of Andrew Huberman’s podcasts for more o…

There's a point where you're so broken that it's really not reasonable to build those again.

For reference, I got into this position by doing a 30 week natural bodybuilding prep. I've done a variety of extreme physical feats including watercutting 16lbs over a day and all the others that come with wrestling too.

All of these demand extreme willpower and discipline to the point of being considered indoctrination. If I detailed these things or shared pictures, no one would doubt I'm capable of building habits or routines normally.

Right now I struggle to get myself to cook breakfast.

In my scenario, where I don't have lifelong clinical depression, low dosing antidepressants as a crutch to build out of the hole is viable. For others (i.e. people who have attempted suicide as teenagers), it's kinda a necessity.

Depression and anxiety is on a spectrum as well, and it goes very deep sometimes.

And to follow-up, I did try those suggestions. Good, natural sleep helps the most and gives me the best emotional stability I've had recently. Unfortunately it's not enough. I've been trying to build for months now and I'm still nowhere.

To put it another way, there are a myriad of ways to increase testosterone levels besides using TRT. Many of those methods are the same you suggest. However, if you're castrated... it ain't gonna do anything. A parallel with neurotransmitters exists (i.e. serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, ...) and I don't believe I am quite in that boat yet but there are many who are. My ex girlfriend attempted suicide at 11 and 18, and has successfully used prozac with, fortunately, no side-effects

For sub-clinical depression, I firmly believe you're correct and building those habits goes a long way.

Re: A picture of me

#169

Post by EUV071STR48 »

FollowingTheDao wrote: post #158
noduerme wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I don’t think that people who talk about football are stupid Hah. I actually do think they are, and I've had four years of not talking to my brother because he feels insulted by my opinion of his sports obsession. There's nothing wrong with value judgments. I don't know what your interests are, because you haven't expressed them. You've only expressed disinterest. Surely, if you have interests, there are other peop…

First, I’m 55 years old. Stop acting like I haven’t seen shit. I could’ve better worded it to say that it makes me feel inferior. I don’t believe I’m inferior and it doesn’t cause depression. The loneliness is what causes depression. And I’m not about to express my interest to sun stranger on the Internet that I don’t have a biological or physical connection with. That’s not the connection I’m looking for. And the fa…

Interesting comment exchange, both of you.

The tone of your conversation seems almost enraged to me. That's why I want to get in quick. Because I don't quite understand why your positions didn't lead to a more light-hearted approach to the world.

I'm in my 20s and feel a disconnect to (some, most, ?) people as well. I accepted that and called it a day. I encounter other fellow human beings as possibilities without expecting anything. I'm on a walk through life, mostly observe and act only if I want (or have) to. I'm quiet.

> And I’m not about to express my interest to sun stranger on the Internet that I don’t have a biological or physical connection with. That’s not the connection I’m looking for.

Can you elaborate why you accepted this argument then? I often wonder about this when internet stuff gets heated. I'm no stranger to this. For me it sometimes is a valve for something and that shows me I'm far from completed. It makes my a little more humble.

> First, I’m 55 years old.

I have respect for older people and what they have to say, but I also know my dad. By age (and your assumption), he has seen more than you, but... yeah. I came to the conclusion, it's not the quantity of what you've seen, but what you took from it. You surely have thought about that before, but then I wonder why you had to mention it

Re: A picture of me

#170

Post by EUV071STR48 »

beachy wrote: post #69
jayceedenton wrote: post #14

Sorry, the last two paragraphs got to me. You need to lighten up, and start trying to understand your fellow man. Small talk is never just small talk. It's a way of starting to understand another human being in some small way. It's just the beginning. You've adopted 'not seeing others' as a personality trait. It isn't, and there are no prizes for living a profound, lonely life, hoping to understand something deep abo…

That's a little harsh. A common misunderstanding about introverts is that they don't much enjoy talking with others. For many, it's rather that they are seeking meaningful communication, not vacuous chitchat about the weather or the Kardashians. That's what the author is expressing I think. At the same time there are plenty of people who can chitchat about drivel for hours, and will actively stop any conversation at…

What's the solution if it's actually like you assumed?

As extensively covered, chitchat is only the start. If you want deep, meaningful communication, you have to start somewhere.

I'm not discussion about whether that's difficult for someone, but what you describe does not come from thin air. So what's the solution and if there isn't any, what's the most doable approach then?

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