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A picture of me

caspercloudwalker.bearblog.dev

21–30 of 186 posts

Re: A picture of me

#21
I've been in very similar, if not identical states. Often times it's because I've abandoned myself and am living out my parents desires/thoughts/neglect/brushings-aside.

Over time I've come to accept that accepting my parents, friends, reality, as they are is not the same as condoning it. In fact I can't condone or disavow anything I haven't first acknowledged. Beginning with myself.

I can accept myself without condoning my actions. I can extend that same acceptance to others. And I can do what I need to find my own voice.

Comment above mentioned community and showing up. Al-Anon was invaluable on my own path to serenity. I wish I could say more, I've probably already said too much. Forgive me friend.

The pain often feels like it will never end, but in time, with help and support you will learn to deal with your problems and the pain will subside.

Try to be gentle with yourself in the meantime.

Re: A picture of me

#22
post #19

If by chance the author reads this, I’d recommend looking into whether he is autistic. This sense of not fitting in, of not enjoying small talk, and of feeling like an “alien” or very different than most others is common in the autistic community. If diagnosed, or even if he volunteers/makes an effort to meet other autistic folks, he may find some common ground he hasn’t found in the neurotypical world. I wish him th…

Is it the case that autistic people often relate to one another better than they can with the non-autistic?

[deleted]

Re: A picture of me

#23

A (The?) documentary about Aurê and Aurá: https://youtube.com/watch?v=kGuxaY8HPjs

Understanding one of the languages used here, and seeing the included subtitles, I'd take no part of this documentary true, the subtitles are just absurd. What an absolute shame, for something so interesting, I don't even understand how something like this happens.

Re: A picture of me

#25

Community is showing up. Find anywhere and go there once a week at the same time.

This took me too long to learn. We're told over and over to "be yourself," but sometimes you have to make an effort to be like everyone else. I see in the author and in myself sometimes a weird sense of pride in having unusual opinions and tastes. This isn't going to win you any friends or impress anyone. If you're just waiting for someone to show up that shares all your thoughts, then you're going to continue to be alone.

Re: A picture of me

#26
As others have suggested. If you don't put in the effort the world can get really small really quick. Sure some are born into families that facilitate that kind of interaction from a young age but for many of us it's a constant development that will continue forever. If the community you want does not exist you can't just wait for it to find you. You have to be willing to put into creating one just as much as you expect others to. Especially in our current atmosphere.

Re: A picture of me

#27
post #7

Something I've learned is that you don't love and connect with people because of who they are; you don't often find people you magically feel close to or interested in right at the beginning. You can't hold out for that. You love and connect with people because... you love and connect with them. The more time you spend, the more you share about yourself, the more moments you have together- relationships will usually…

This is spot on from my own experiences. I'm currently in that sort of a position where I'm aware my energy (which I've started to refer to as currency with my therapist) is low.

It refreshes every day (the amount depending on sleep quality) and even at the best of days it's not enough to do an iota of what I was previously capable of doing.

Personally, in my situation I believe the answer to be antidepressants and will likely be going on them soon. Once this "situation" becomes lived in, it becomes harder to escape from... especially whilst self-isolating. Antidepressants increase neurotransmitters (which ones depends on the class of drug) and aid in this positive-thinking and habit-formation. Psilocybin works acutely through this mechanism as well (increased serotonin -> neurogenesis -> escaping mental ruts + more easily forming habits).

(note: when people 'cure' depression through psilocybin it's typically by being exposed to an extremely different perspective of the world. For example, "I forgot how beautiful nature is" or "every stranger has an amazing story" or "the world is so big and so much to explore". Taking those learnings back with yourself is one way to help depression, but in that class the depression is usually sub-clinical.)

People who start Prozac, for example, and get positive results tend to report a much better ability to learn and to maintain hopefulness.

This situation is not always due a chemical root cause (i.e. passing of a loved one) but staying in that state for much too long will cause a learned depression that we will accept as our truth of the world. At that point, SSRIs and other medicines have a role.

Re: A picture of me

#28
Try to put yourself in his place for a second. The world that this man knew is gone. He lives now in some kind of strange afterlife, spending most of his time sitting alone in a hut waiting to die.

Imagine you're living in absolute security and that you can have whatever you want. After some time its fair to say you'd get a little bored, so you'd want to be a bit surprised, to go on a little adventure. After some time, you'd get bored of that little adventure and you'll want a new one, slightly more intense. Continue like that for some times and you'll want to be exactly where you are now.

Re: A picture of me

#30
Social media has destroyed the sense of local communities we once had. It began festering at the beginning of the pandemic when profiteers realized that they had a captive audience. They blistered us with politically divisive trends (lots of things that had no real bearing or impact on us in reality) that made even good friends become distant ideologically.

We all immersed ourselves into trusting these companies that were really rooted in pleasing investors as we saw them break their own rules of ethical content and conduct. They profited massively, and we lost the most. We were in denial back then, and now we're reaching a new stage of acceptance that we're living on a scorched earth. Most of the popular political voices are ideologues made popular by their far flung views, and some are beginning to question their motives, many are still trapped in denial and following them like a football team.

For the sane ones of us, we realize that human connection has been missing a lot, and it's uncertain if it will go back to normal. Covid is also still a very real and constant reminder that we are limited in how we can operate.

The problem is that we rely too much on the Internet and television for our reality now. Rejecting it and investing in communal life, as well as being cynical of everything presented to us by the Internet will help with recovery. Get out and talk to people outside, especially strangers, expect nothing but to have nice conversations with nice people... We're all learning how to speak naturally again, and it's not easy at all. We're lucky to be alive first of all after all we've been through.

Stop supporting cults of personality ON ALL SIDES. No one is worth a cult following, no matter what their reputation is, there is always a counter point that is also right, and we really need to counter the class-ism and social status that the Internet pushes for profit... It really drowns out people who don't have likes and followers, who may have far better ideas, and it creates a very toxic world for all of us. We all really need to return to smaller community life, understanding that being involved in large communities of people and trying to swim only helps people who are celebrities. Communities like HN should be plentiful on a wide variety of topics, and open to read, but not necessarily seeking to grow as big as Facebook. Firewalled/Paywalled closed communities that manipulate what trends are toxic, identify them and avoid them at all costs... They don't help you to grow your mind and subscribers, even when you pay for premium accounts... If you and people like you have never made it to the front page, they've already chosen their spokespeople, it's never organic.

Also, if you're involved in creating social platforms, now's a good time to re-evaluate how your app helps real people to discover each other and to communicate first... Too many ideas start with monetization planning, and completely overlook the main reason that users adopt a platform.

Start random conversations with people in the supermarket, or pick up a new hobby and meet people locally in public places. You'll be surprised how many people are now so much open to talking with strangers and finding new friends just like you are. Do it without expectations, don't be manipulative (like the Internet too often is), be very real... Let them be the one to ask for your number, don't be aggressive.. Life is too short to waste it on a phone or a keyboard in solitude and frustration.

Just a reminder though, dating apps are all still more terrible than not now, and they are often scary money pits, and soul crushingly frustrating... That hasn't changed... Don't give them any more tries (joking, but also not). :P

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