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A picture of me

caspercloudwalker.bearblog.dev

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Re: A picture of me

#41

Post by brundolf »

uniqueuid wrote: post #20
brundolf wrote: post #7

Something I've learned is that you don't love and connect with people because of who they are; you don't often find people you magically feel close to or interested in right at the beginning. You can't hold out for that. You love and connect with people because... you love and connect with them. The more time you spend, the more you share about yourself, the more moments you have together- relationships will usually…

The same goes for spouses, by the way. You don't have a happy marriage/partnership because you met the person of your dreams and then both accidentally stay the same person forever. Happy marriages exist because people continuously and mutually change each other in a positive way.

That's a big part of it, though I think it's fair to be a little more selective when there's only going to be one person in that role for the rest of your life

But there's no such constraint on other relationships. Those deserve an abundance-mindset; go out into the world, see what people are like, don't assume you already know what you're looking for, see which relationships stick. You have almost nothing to lose.

Edit: That said, lots of people are way too far on this end of the spectrum even when it comes to life-partnerships. The key is to dial in and not overestimate how much you actually know about other people, the world, and even yourself.

Re: A picture of me

#42

Post by dkersten »

uniqueuid wrote: post #20
brundolf wrote: post #7

Something I've learned is that you don't love and connect with people because of who they are; you don't often find people you magically feel close to or interested in right at the beginning. You can't hold out for that. You love and connect with people because... you love and connect with them. The more time you spend, the more you share about yourself, the more moments you have together- relationships will usually…

The same goes for spouses, by the way. You don't have a happy marriage/partnership because you met the person of your dreams and then both accidentally stay the same person forever. Happy marriages exist because people continuously and mutually change each other in a positive way.

This is something that always bothers me. A lot of people forget that you have to work on relationships and then eventually they fall apart. I'm of the opinion that a belief in "soulmates" or finding "the one" or whatever is a big part of the problem: if they're your soulmate, then everything should always be perfect, right? and if its not, then that means they weren't actually the one, so end of relationship and move on hoping to find the true one... But it doesn't work like that in real life, no relationship is perfect all the time and both people need to work on them. Relationships are like gardens, they don't stay beautiful if they're neglected.

Re: A picture of me

#43

Post by newaccount2021 »

people like this would be a lot happier if they just quit internetting.

Internet People is a tribe of doomed 30/40-somethings. Young people like my kids are fine because Internet Things favored by the Internet People seem lame and passe to them. Yes, Twitter is also now for old people. Deranged old people.

You won't miss much when you stop internetting. A few years back you might miss the Next Big Idea or Massive Revolution...those days are gone. Even look at HN; just a bunch of off-topic and perpetually re-posted links.

Re: A picture of me

#47

Post by allenu »

mensetmanusman wrote: post #3

Community is showing up. Find anywhere and go there once a week at the same time.

This is so true. Friendship and connection really does take work, and a lot of it is just being visible so people become comfortable with you and you with them. A community where you're actively doing something together is helpful as well since it takes away the pressure of the "goal" of making friends.

I remember years ago wanting to increase my friendship network, so I started going to meetups to meet people. Specifically, a few were meetups for people to meet other people to make new friends. What I found was it felt so much like dating. The events themselves were secondary and to me I felt out of place, like I was trying to impress other people or else sussing out other people to see if they were friendship material.

A few years later I took up swing dancing and started going regularly to classes and eventually (it took a while) I started going to weekly social dances. With swing dancing, I wasn't there to make friends necessarily. I enjoyed the dancing aspect. After a while, I realized I did make friends and felt part of a community. I recognized other regulars and felt like I belonged. It took a lot of work to get there, but a lot of it didn't feel like work because I found an activity I wanted to do each week.

Re: A picture of me

#48

Post by silisili »

guerrilla wrote: post #36
silisili wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pretty crummy IMO to compare himself to that poor man. He literally cannot communicate with anyone in the world, but wants to. He's constantly telling stories nobody can understand. That has to be some kind of nightmare impossible to comprehend. The author just chooses not to talk to people. Not the same thing at all.

This is very judgemental. Casper is saying that he literally cannot communicate with anyone in the world (but for a different reason), but wants to. > The author just chooses not to talk to people. The post says the opposite: "the difficulties I currently have in functioning."

Here's the cached version, from another comment - https://web.archive.org/web/20220624083118/https://casperclo...

I didn't pick up on what you're referring to. I mainly got 'im tired of people' vibes from it. And there's nothing wrong with that...I just don't feel it compares to the man in the documentary.

Re: A picture of me

#50

Post by guerrilla »

silisili wrote: post #48
guerrilla wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is very judgemental. Casper is saying that he literally cannot communicate with anyone in the world (but for a different reason), but wants to. > The author just chooses not to talk to people. The post says the opposite: "the difficulties I currently have in functioning."

Here's the cached version, from another comment - https://web.archive.org/web/20220624083118/https://casperclo... I didn't pick up on what you're referring to. I mainly got 'im tired of people' vibes from it. And there's nothing wrong with that...I just don't feel it compares to the man in the documentary.

Thank you! I edited my post. The part I meant was in reference to " the difficulties I currently have in functioning." It made me think he's probably in a disability situation, possibly psychiatric. And then what he's saying in general is he doesn't fit in anywhere, which I can relate to. Other people noted this may be because he's autistic, and I tend to agree, as I am. That doesn't necessarily have to be true though, sometimes people never find their tribe or their person... the world is huge and the Internet seems to just be funneling people into per-existing battlefields rather than trying to hook people up with other cool people.
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