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Sex is going out of fashion?

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Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#661

Post by KptMarchewa »

MrMember wrote: post #614
KptMarchewa wrote: post #124

Despite all others blaming it on entertainment, porn, alcohol, working etc, I blame online dating. The bar and amount of work needed to get into relationship (I'm not into casual sex) is just too high for great amount of people.

If you're a man and you don't have self esteem issues trying online dating is an excellent way to develop them. I tried it for maybe half a year. I'm decent looking, I have a good career, I'm tall enough that I get through most of the filters a lot of women put on height, I put effort into my profile and pictures. After all that I was ecstatic if I got even one match a week (and this was across three different apps).…

>If you're a man and you don't have self esteem issues trying online dating is an excellent way to develop them.

Thanks, you've exactly described what I'm feeling.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#662

Post by KptMarchewa »

eropple wrote: post #574
csee wrote: post #480

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is the only way out on a local, personal level, since that's all we have much control over. But how is it not the app's fault? When Twitter and Facebook create social dynamics that encourage outrage and division, I blame them (or at least I blame the incentives and systems that cause them to do this). Ditto for the impact that these dating apps are having.

> But how is it not the app's fault? How is it? Like, okay, what's the alternative? I genuinely don't understand the criticism beyond "well, self-described low-status men are getting passed over because people have options ." Should they not be getting passed over? Should people be taking one for the team for these self-described low-status men and dating them despite themselves? There have always been lonely people,…

>I genuinely don't understand the criticism beyond "well, self-described low-status men are getting passed over because people have options." Should they not be getting passed over?

You seem to miss that outcomes are not only getting worse for men.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#663

Post by mcv »

EUROCARE wrote: post #643
mcv wrote: post #642

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Fair enough. But communist countries, especially towards the 1980s when they were basically bankrupt, is rather a special case. In western, northern and much of central Europe, the situation was quite different.

For sure, but that means the original claim > People in their 20s having their own digs is, I think, a decidedly American phenomenon. In most of the poorer parts of the world (including, for example, Central and Eastern Europe), 30+ years ago younger crowd managed to have sex just fine, using dorm rooms, snatching time while parents were away, etc. My 2c. is true then. It's only talking about the situation in the poo…

Only partially. It's not decidedly American, because it's also true in western, central and northern Europe. And probably many parts of the world. Most of the world is not communist.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#664

Post by csee »

plonk wrote: post #587
csee wrote: post #398

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You give good advice but I was commenting on the well documented asymmetry and inequality in outcomes that cut across gender lines which are likely magnified by these dating apps. It's not bitterness to point out objective facts that are highly relevant to the topic of conversation. "Improve yourself" is always the healthiest mindset on a personal level but that's not exactly deep analysis on the impact that these ap…

> the well documented asymmetry and inequality in outcomes that cut across gender lines which are likely magnified by these dating apps Or only specific to these apps? I'd like to see the documentation on the "well-documented asymmetry" to believe otherwise, because that's not what I observed.

It's not just on the apps. Evolutionary psychologists have a bunch of empirical studies that tease this out. We also see this in our genetic lineage, more female ancestors than male ancestors. The evolutionary theory behind it is pretty well worked out and supported by a lot of data.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#665

Post by [deleted] »

jazzyjackson wrote: post #612
Grimburger wrote: post #322

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[META] List posts this long shouldn't be allowed, or at the very least be for exceptional circumstances only. Gratuitous use of screen space that could have been served perfectly fine with commas.

there's a little [-] icon at the end of every comment header, that's for collapsing comments (and their children) that take up too much space

[deleted]

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#666

Post by Grimburger »

jazzyjackson wrote: post #612
Grimburger wrote: post #322

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[META] List posts this long shouldn't be allowed, or at the very least be for exceptional circumstances only. Gratuitous use of screen space that could have been served perfectly fine with commas.

there's a little [-] icon at the end of every comment header, that's for collapsing comments (and their children) that take up too much space

Thanks, I'm very aware of that.

It's basically a few pixels on mobile.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#667

Post by bongobingo1 »

jszymborski wrote: post #417
wonderwonder wrote: post #395

Wonder if this is related to the lack of personal relationships in general, especially friendships. There is an epidemic of loneliness in the world. So many ways to communicate and all we can do is post memes and upvote influencers. I am happily married but have zero friends. I met my wife through my friend group in college. If I heaven forbid got a divorce tomorrow, not sure where I would meet someone new. Guess I w…

I (along with many others) have been saying it for a while; there just isn't the same infrastructure for physical community as their once was. The church, the mall, the rotary club... these were bumping hot beds of socialisation. I'm the last person to denigrate the importance of online communities, most of my closest friends don't live in my city. There is, however, a very real and important role for communities tie…

> Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community is a 2000 nonfiction book by Robert D. Putnam. It was developed from his 1995 essay entitled "Bowling Alone: America's Declining Social Capital". Putnam surveys the decline of social capital in the United States since 1950. He has described the reduction in all the forms of in-person social intercourse upon which Americans used to found, educate, and enrich the fabric of their social lives. He argues that this undermines the active civil engagement which a strong democracy requires from its citizens.

[Bowling Alone](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowling_Alone)

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#668

Post by bradlys »

eropple wrote: post #576
brewdad wrote: post #501

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can be the most interesting person in the world but that's cold comfort in a world of dating apps if you aren't physically "attractive".

I don't think that that's true. I'm not particularly attractive. I'm not tall. I'm not fit. And yet I do all right. I do have a great dog, but I don't think that makes up for it. But I do think that people can detect a shitty vibe pretty quickly even through a couple photos and a bio, and Not Being That is a significant step up.

I think you’re just bad at describing yourself here and your outcomes. It’s also locale dependent.

Where I am in SF - it’s purgatory. Even when I change to NYC - it’s incredibly difficult. The main reason? So much choice for the women. Why date sideways or down when it seems like you could always date up? There’s endless options available - whether they’ll stick around… not likely.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#669

Post by spacemanmatt »

shadowgovt wrote: post #218
orangepurple wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Disenfranchised social groups form support groups to cope.

The sad thing about this particular disenfranchised social group is the disenfranchisement is re-enforced by the group. Contrast with other support groups that help their members learn how to live a healthy and fulfilling life while coping with or managing whatever disenfranchised them.

I would not sooner hook up with a gang of Christians than incels. Some of us are just better off with smaller groups aligned by positive interests rather than a sense of collective victimhood.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#670

Post by orbifold »

buggythebug wrote: post #92
youessayyyaway wrote: post #65

These threads are always fun, because they often say more about us commenters than the subject matter. Personally, I find the article's supernatural stimulus theory compelling. Sex takes a lot of time if you aren't being selfish about it. It's also boring, compared with other forms of entertainment and creative pursuits, pornographic or not. I'm not sure this is all that new, either. Jokes about the declining frequen…

"It's also boring" "These threads are always fun, because they often say more about us commenters than the subject matter." I will not quote anything else from you and leave it at that.

Could be a way of coping with the fact that they never had good sex. Sex can be pretty terrible, awkward and not fun at all if you happen to be with the wrong partner that night.
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