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Sex is going out of fashion?

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Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#521

Post by yamazakiwi »

CodeSgt wrote: post #198
lotsofpulp wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think what I am trying to convey is that it is not an addiction like nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, heroine, where the brain wants the substance itself. With porn, it is the brain making a cost benefit calculation that putting in the effort for the real thing is not worth the cost relative to cost/benefit ratio of porn. As in do I make all the effort to get my wife in the mood, or do I open a website and be done with…

I understand what you're trying to convey and I'm sorry but it's just not true. Brain scans show the pathways for porn addiction are very similar to those found in cocain and amphetamine addicts. Perhaps this is true for you, but don't discredit porn addiction as not a "real addiction" when it's an established fact that it is one on par with substance abuse.

Established fact? You are trying to make a porn addiction appear as bad as a meth addiction and that is just not based in reality. The outcomes and damage of substance abuse are more severe and should not be conflated.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#522

Post by 3qz »

scoutt wrote: post #255
saimiam wrote: post #228

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So who are these (presumably primarily straight) young women having sex with?

I learn from the comments here that if you line up 100 women and 100 men, all 100 women will have sex with only 5 of the guys. For which I don't think this is true at all...

More like 20 guys will have sex with 80 of the women, 80 guys will compete for the 20 least desirable girls.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#523

Post by wonderwonder »

weatherlite wrote: post #509
wonderwonder wrote: post #503

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Its probably my fault. Once I had kids I completely lost the ability to manage them and a social life. I felt bad just leaving my wife to go hang out with friends and then as they got older I have replaced IRL friends with doom scrolling. Definitely a mental thing I need to fix. I did delete twitter the other day so that's one small step :)

Deleting Twitter is amazing. I am contentmplating moving to a dumb phone. Extreme I know.

I am not at the dumb phone point yet, really just for the maps feature on smart phones. Even typing that out make me realize how pervasive technology is. I don't know how to navigate anywhere without my phone because I never had to learn because I could always rely on the voice in the phone to tell me. I am going out to buy a little table this weekend to keep my phone on in the entry way. Phone lives there when my kids and wife are awake. There is nothing happening online that wont be there after they are asleep. The internet is not going anywhere.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#524

Post by haunter »

huijzer wrote: post #270
kbrannigan wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Get of these apps. I think many men who use apps, do so because they are too afraid to approach a woman they find attractive if the situation is appropriate. They don't bite, if you make a move with enough respect and confidence. In my opinion while convenient, they should be last resort.

> Get of these apps. I think many men who use apps, do so because they are too afraid to approach a woman they find attractive if the situation is appropriate. Yes. I couldn't agree more. Spent 2-3 frustrating years on Tinder without much success. At the start of the pandemic, I was done with being alone in my apartment and decided to try to approach women on the street. My takeaways: 1. Heart rate goes over 130 (acc…

>decided to try to approach women on the street

Yeah no. Creepiest advice in the whole thread. idk where you live but this is the easiest way to get cop called on.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#525

Post by idealmedtech »

throwaway34135 wrote: post #510
throwaway515 wrote: post #432

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> So often times people feel forced into online dating as one of the few "sanctioned" spaces where it's still considered okay to flirt with strangers. This has been the story of my life. I think there is a certain type of person - physical attractiveness is part of it, but charisma is even bigger – who can "get away with" flirting in unsanctioned spaces. It's a combination of being confident enough to break taboo, pe…

See I think there are no "unsanctioned places" except for maybe a mosque or a funeral. I think the real unwritten rule is, don't flirt with someone unless you're reasonably confident that they'd like to be flirted with. Some people might be able to figure that out in a matter of minutes, and others might need to get to know someone over the course of weeks or months in a casual group setting to figure it out. I am so…

I think the important bit here that maybe I didn't make clear is that, at least in the context of men flirting with women, sometimes women are kind and polite without actually being comfortable (social conditioning), which many men incorrectly take as a sign of interest.

I agree that if you're charming and fun, flirting with strangers is pretty straightforward, and I especially agree with the point about getting to know people over a longer period of time before trying to gauge potential interest. Worst case, you get a cute friend!

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#526

Post by nkrisc »

orangepurple wrote: post #75

95% of Tinder swipes by women are passes compared to 47% for men. Women tend to date up. Online dating apps are rigged for men. These apps are search engines optimized to match women with the top 5% of men. These apps are designed for women. Being average or even above average will almost never result in a date. Tinder was designed like a slot machine which will ruin your self-esteem from constant rejection but your…

If these dating apps are used by a large group of women to date a comparatively tinier group of men, then it makes no sense for men to even bother unless they're part of that small group of men that gets all the attention.

Likewise, unless these women plan to date for the rest of their lives and never settle down, they can't all end up marrying that small group of men, so they will end up marrying "down".

Then the strategy becomes clear: ditch the dating apps and look to meet women who are ready to settle. Easier said than done, sure, but it sure looks like dating apps are useless to all but the top percentile of men, so why bother?

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#527

Post by _yb2s »

lesstyzing wrote: post #205

There are so many incel type comments in this thread and anytime this subject comes up. Online dating definitely isn’t fun but it’s not the shit show people here seem to make out. All of my friends met their long terms partners on dating apps. None of these men are particularly attractive. All are average looking at best. Personally I went from never dating to going on dates with a handful of people over a 6 month pe…

I will second this. I am a late-30s recently divorced man, that got back on the dating 'market' about a year and a half ago after nearly two decades into a frustrating sexless marriage. I have a history of shyness/social anxiety, am very nerdy, balding, and struggle with weight issues- I am probably average or below average realistically. Yet I had a great time on Tinder- I was able to have sex with different women several times a week, and also found women would cold approach me at restaurants and in public places once I sorted myself out (see below).

I am convinced the actual negative attitude that you can't get any interest is the major reason guys don't- this victim/complaining/entitled attitude is the most unattractive thing to women.

Here are some of the things I did that worked for me:

* Heavy strength/weight training 3-4x/week

* Take the time to carefully build a Tinder profile that shows me having fun doing things I like (outdoor activities) but dressed well, with great lighting, etc.

* Practice emotional vulnerability (read Mark Manson: Models), especially saying out loud to girls anything I was afraid to say, that I was worried would turn them off

* Make really solid eye contact with women when talking and listening to them, in an even borderline creepy way - make them look away first

* Stop trying to 'win approval' or entertain women but just try to have fun myself, and enjoy the conversations, and sex

* Drive a 20+ year old 'exotic' sports car that looks impressive but cost less than most people spend annually on a smartphone, maintain it myself

* Wear nice clothes, and develop my own unusual sense of style (shows confidence)

* Intermittent fasting to keep weight somewhat under control

* Have a lot of hobbies, friends, and activities that make it almost hard for interested women to schedule enough time with me- don't hang around them with nothing to do

* Be confident in sharing my desires and interests, especially sexually (see vulnerability above)

* Be willing to lower standards really low at first- have sex with whoever is interested, even if they are older or a bit overweight. As I built confidence and experience, I gradually was able to date more and more attractive women over time.

* Live in a major metropolitan area with a lot of dating options.

* Develop a mindset of abundance and self-esteem: realize the truth that I am the only guy these girls are likely to find that has my life together this well, and they are very lucky to get to go on a date with me despite my shortcomings

Ultimately, I didn't find casual sex very fulfilling but really enjoy sex itself, with someone I have feelings for. I ended up deciding to enter a long term relationship with a girl from Tinder, and we have sex at least once a day, and are always pushing the limits and trying new things sexually.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#528

Post by juve1996 »

CodeSgt wrote: post #403
juve1996 wrote: post #356

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Many men, even in otherwise healthy relationships, prefer porn. Do you have data of this phenomenon?

> Again I really wish more data was collected on this You obviously know the answer to your question since I repeatedly stressed my lack of data and how it was anecdotal. We don't have any data either supporting or debunking that claim, I only am repeating what I've seen play out hundreds of time in various digital spaces. Some phenomena just haven't been studied in good enough detail to have hard data in either dire…

Saying you wish there was more data doesn't imply that there is no data, so I figured I'd ask if there was something.

I think anecdotally you may be right. But preference is a very hard thing to determine. It's unfair to compare porn to sex the same way it is unfair to compare watching a sport to playing it. One requires very little effort, the other monumental effort comparatively.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#529

Post by nootropicat »

anovikov wrote: post #93

I think it's simply that the generation for whom the sex was a "forbidden fruit", has become old, the one after them, had enormous amount of sex just because they now could, and for the subsequent ones, sex is nothing special. It is too easy to get - guys who are now 70 year old, had to "win" girls when they were 20, now 20-year old girls are just sitting on Tinder waiting to hook up. It is as uncool as buying canned…

>If anyone can do it

I think you missed most comments under this article...

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#530

Post by imtringued »

moomoo11 wrote: post #371
ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, but porn addiction is a consequence I think. If all men could get laid whenever they'd feel like it with a willing partner, then porn use would plummet. I haven't met many women into porn, probably because a one night stand is just a zero effort tinder swipe away, from the comfort of your pijamas in your living room. As a man, you end up turning to porn or paying for sex, or drinking or doing drugs, to compensa…

I wish there’s some discovery on another planet that makes people venture out like in the old days. Fuck it I’ll lead or be part of a crew to get on a space ship and maybe never come back. Being stuck at a laptop all day is so fucking boring now because work from home means I’d rather not. I want to be out and about. Not stuck inside ALL day (along with everyone else).

Try your luck in India or Africa.

My chances of going there are slim though so you're going to have to do it alone.

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