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Sex is going out of fashion?

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Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#221

Post by [deleted] »

buggythebug wrote: post #92
youessayyyaway wrote: post #65

These threads are always fun, because they often say more about us commenters than the subject matter. Personally, I find the article's supernatural stimulus theory compelling. Sex takes a lot of time if you aren't being selfish about it. It's also boring, compared with other forms of entertainment and creative pursuits, pornographic or not. I'm not sure this is all that new, either. Jokes about the declining frequen…

"It's also boring" "These threads are always fun, because they often say more about us commenters than the subject matter." I will not quote anything else from you and leave it at that.

[deleted]

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#222

Post by bigbillheck »

chii wrote: post #95
orangepurple wrote: post #75

95% of Tinder swipes by women are passes compared to 47% for men. Women tend to date up. Online dating apps are rigged for men. These apps are search engines optimized to match women with the top 5% of men. These apps are designed for women. Being average or even above average will almost never result in a date. Tinder was designed like a slot machine which will ruin your self-esteem from constant rejection but your…

> the options are grim for men who are less than very appealing. And you wonder why there's a fairly large community that have the so-called 'incel' behaviour. It didn't used to exist back in the pre-net dating era!

'Incel' dates back to 1997 which is only technically later than the earliest internet dating sites.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#223

Post by [deleted] »

youessayyyaway wrote: post #153
buggythebug wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"It's also boring" "These threads are always fun, because they often say more about us commenters than the subject matter." I will not quote anything else from you and leave it at that.

I stand by it. If you do find sex to be the most fulfilling part of your life, it might be worth asking where that sense of fulfillment comes from. It's probably a "who", not a "what".

[deleted]

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#224

Post by BlargMcLarg »

lesstyzing wrote: post #205

There are so many incel type comments in this thread and anytime this subject comes up. Online dating definitely isn’t fun but it’s not the shit show people here seem to make out. All of my friends met their long terms partners on dating apps. None of these men are particularly attractive. All are average looking at best. Personally I went from never dating to going on dates with a handful of people over a 6 month pe…

I'm going to be real with you, this sounds similar to the "the job market isn't that bad, yes it's bad but I got a job right out of college" spiel bypassing evidence that many people send hundreds of job applications before they ever get a job.

Studies show most people meet online. Studies show most people struggle in dating markets. These are not mutually exclusive. But unlike jobs, one doesn't need to date to live, even if having a partner is a major point of fulfillment to most.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#225

Post by orangepurple »

orangepurple wrote: post #199
spacemanmatt wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be sure, it's a ridiculous way to align a community today. Evidence: The ridicule.

Disenfranchised social groups form support groups to cope.

@shadowgovt I agree that many communities labled as such engage in self-destructive behavior. It may even be psychologically similar to the mentality of a suicide bomber.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#226

Post by ptero »

xwdv wrote: post #171
kbrannigan wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Get of these apps. I think many men who use apps, do so because they are too afraid to approach a woman they find attractive if the situation is appropriate. They don't bite, if you make a move with enough respect and confidence. In my opinion while convenient, they should be last resort.

I am willing to approach a woman I find attractive if the situation is appropriate. Unfortunately, most situations you come across attractive women are rarely appropriate. You end up having to go to events and things you don’t normally do just to gain exposure to women. It is a miserable reason to participate in these things when your only interest is in the women, not the event or hobby. And often the things you rea…

> You end up having to go to events and things you don’t normally do just to gain exposure to women.

That's how it was for a long time. And, IMHO, it was not a bad setup.

I certainly would not call it a miserable reason to participate in those events. For example as a youth I went to dances (which, not knowing how to dance felt very uncomfortable), "intellectual" movies and classical concerts (which, for a small-city oaf who only thought about science, were way out of depth), but looking back I think I got a very good return on the time I spent on those.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#227

Post by [deleted] »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #180
CodeSgt wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Obviously, everyone prefers the real thing to porn. That makes intuitive sense, but is far from the reality. Many men, even in otherwise healthy relationships, prefer porn. Again I really wish more data was collected on this but anecdotally I've seen hundreds on online discussions from both women who are concerned about their partner and declining sex life and from men who want to quit using porn to better service…

I think what I am trying to convey is that it is not an addiction like nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, heroine, where the brain wants the substance itself. With porn, it is the brain making a cost benefit calculation that putting in the effort for the real thing is not worth the cost relative to cost/benefit ratio of porn. As in do I make all the effort to get my wife in the mood, or do I open a website and be done with…

[deleted]

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#228

Post by saimiam »

figglestar wrote: post #181
criddell wrote: post #14

Articles like this are often mostly focused on the male side of cisgendered male-female relationships. Have things not changed for women? Or how about among other types of people? Is gay sex going out of fashion too?

Young people in general are having less sex but young men are having a noteworthy amount less than young women. And the delta between the two groups is a new thing within the last 10 years or so.

So who are these (presumably primarily straight) young women having sex with?

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#229

Post by mrwh »

wnolens wrote: post #200
atlasunshrugged wrote: post #177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'll second this comment- I'm definitely not in the top quartile of men in terms of attractiveness but on Hinge I regularly get dates, in no small part to being able to write messages when liking. Tinder and Bumble are meat markets, definitely, but Hinge (and probably others, I haven't tried that many more) do work with some effort put into crafting a thoughtful introduction message.

Jumping on here too. It's a lot of work, and can feel demoralizing.. but at the end of the day I go on way more dates than I ever did without apps. I attribute it to being able to display more about myself in a quick snapshot for women to peruse. Rather than just see my average face, they get the sense from my profile that I am interesting.

Plus one to this. I think it's both true that the app-based dating world is demoralising and heavily biased towards a privileged minority of users and that the pre-app world was even worse.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#230

Post by wnolens »

lesstyzing wrote: post #205

There are so many incel type comments in this thread and anytime this subject comes up. Online dating definitely isn’t fun but it’s not the shit show people here seem to make out. All of my friends met their long terms partners on dating apps. None of these men are particularly attractive. All are average looking at best. Personally I went from never dating to going on dates with a handful of people over a 6 month pe…

This is my experience too.

There's lots of nice people out there trying to meet. You just need to know what you want, be actually ready to take the leap, and are realistic about your value (sorry to phrase it like that but it IS a market)

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