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Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

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Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#311

Post by amanaplanacanal »

systemsignal wrote: post #279
warning26 wrote: post #231

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Modern America, by and large, does not have the shared spaces and sense of community where these interactions could occur. Yet another unfortunate output of the US's completely broken focus on cars. Cars require intentionality -- there's no room for spontaneous interactions when you have to choose your destination and then spend 10min driving there.

America is focused on cars because it’s huge

Meh. Europe is also huge. Asia is huge. And have you seen the size of Africa?

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#312

Post by BlargMcLarg »

Overtonwindow wrote: post #297
BlargMcLarg wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The sexuality shame thing is overblown. The Japanese don't really have shame towards sex, but public flirting and PDA is generally taboo. At that point you're compartmentalizing places where one can find a date and where one can't find a date, which drastically lowers the odds you'll meet someone. On top, shyness and saving face run rampant. The former makes it so men don't approach all that often, the latter makes i…

Thank you, I see. I tried to Google around for this but couldn't find a strong source: How does Japan compare to a country with the highest marriage rate? Wikipedia[1] says in 2014, Palestine had the highest marriage rate per capita, followed by Fiji, Egypt, the Bahamas, etc. I suppose the closest comparison to Japan might be another Asian country? Just curious if it's the taboo on PDA, flirting, and other personal i…

Japan absolutely doesn't need a sexual revolution. While the Japanese live under a mantra of not trying to disturb one another (which is the opposite of what you want for dating), a sexual revolution has not fixed the problem for other countries by any stretch of the imagination. Most developed countries follow similar trends.

The problem is seeing relationships as too much effort for what's gained. That's only going to be fixed by sweetening the deal of entering a relationship and making it easier to enter a relationship. And unlike what's assumed, sexually liberating people does not guarantee things will become easier.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#313

Post by bradlys »

annyeonghada wrote: post #294
globular-toast wrote: post #267

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The thing is a man's attractiveness is not one-dimensional. We all know that one guy who does well despite not being physically attractive. But if you're talking about online dating only then you are probably right. Online dating isn't really good for us.

>We all know that one guy who does well despite not being physically attractive. I actually don't. I keep seeing these meme constantly repeated and I actually made a list of unattractive males... and they, mostly, have never had luck with relationship. Physical attractiveness is very important, whatever the consensus du jour say about it.

Same. I don't know any of these men and have never known any either. Sometimes I've wondered why some guys get some gals but then I talk to the women and they're like, "Oh, he's actually very physically attractive." So just because I couldn't see it doesn't mean the women didn't.

At no point have I heard multiple women say they are falling head over heels for a man due to his personality alone. Almost always - the man is physically attractive to them as well.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#314

Post by Johanx64 »

Dracophoenix wrote: post #209
IE6 wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be honest this reply smells like "man-o-sphere" logic... PSA: To anyone struggling with this please try and ignore any advice online that focuses on the opposite sex and their inherent value (or lack thereof). Actually talking to the opposite sex even in a casual way is a really good way to get over this type of thinking.

I'd counter that and say one should consider any advice in terms of the motives for giving it whether it comes from a member of one's own sex or the opposite. Talking to the opposite sex, for example, may only result in receiving information in what opposite sex believes about themselves rather than what they actually do. The point shouldn't be to get over this type of thinking per se, but rather to determine which t…

I believe the "man-o-sphere" logic in regards to woman giving misleading information is something along the lines of:

Women want the genuine article with qualities of X, Y, Z.

They do not want a guy who doesn't have those qualities innately. Naturally, upon receiving the information that these qualities are sought after, guys will try to best of their ability to fake them. The fact that a guy has to be told what to do in the first place is very unappealing in itself.

Shortly -it is against their best interests to be open and honest about what they desire.

Because 1) you will get a lot of fakes and 2) it can be dangerous as it can upset some undesirable guys

Consequently the way to understand woman - if we are following along with this logic - is by observing how they act and react and not by listening and believing to what say necessarily.

Or to rephrase - they want you to be a MAN and act like a MAN, and not to be told to be a man and act like a man.

If you have to be told to be more like a man, you're not it obviously.

On top of it, these desires contain certain "manly physical and appearance" qualities that can't really be faked either way.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#315

Post by IE6 »

anon291 wrote: post #145
IE6 wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be honest this reply smells like "man-o-sphere" logic... PSA: To anyone struggling with this please try and ignore any advice online that focuses on the opposite sex and their inherent value (or lack thereof). Actually talking to the opposite sex even in a casual way is a really good way to get over this type of thinking.

I'm not part of the 'man-o-sphere' (got married at 22, so no time for 'dating'), but I'm not sure what exactly you're saying. No one marries another for 'inherent value' You marry for looks, money, reproductive capacity, etc. By its nature monogamy means looking for more than the inherent value, because if we just considered inherent value, all prospects would be equal, and clearly they are not.

I don't know OP nor do I know their intent with their comment but taking it at face value the idea that men's value will gradually increase so long as they are successful and by inference women's value will either stagnate or decline and eventually women will have no choice but to give a man his chance is at best man-o-sphere adjacent ideology. Perhaps it's just a mixing of words and that was not the intent of the OP.

I don't think we're talking about the same concept though. You're touching on preferences and in general attraction which is just a normal part of being and doesn't represent some kind of value system where you have high-value and low-value people.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#316

Post by IE6 »

annyeonghada wrote: post #295
IE6 wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be honest this reply smells like "man-o-sphere" logic... PSA: To anyone struggling with this please try and ignore any advice online that focuses on the opposite sex and their inherent value (or lack thereof). Actually talking to the opposite sex even in a casual way is a really good way to get over this type of thinking.

>Actually talking to the opposite sex even in a casual way is a really good way to get over this type of thinking. Talking to the sex you're attracted to will result, at best, in what people of that sex think they want, not what they actually want and do to get it, at worst, in some unempathetic platitude or even outright insults.

> to the sex you're attracted

Yes, it's not what I typed but this is what I meant. I think from there it's just the normal process of getting to know people. Much better than seeing it as a transaction and a push/pull of low-value and high-value system.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#317

Post by cstrahan »

dragonwriter wrote: post #226
Veen wrote: post #219

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Same here. I'm early 40s and the idea of dating in the American sense seems odd to me. I've met all my romantic partners at parties or through gatherings at friend's houses. Relationships start off as acquaintances and develop organically as we spend time together. It wouldn't occur to me to ask someone I barely know out on a date. Of course, once a mutual interest has been established, we go and do stuff together on…

You’ve just described exactly what “dating” in the American sense means, so it seems the only thing you have a problem with is the word to describe the overall process.

The one difference, to my mind, is this:

> Relationships start off as acquaintances and develop organically as we spend time together.

I would say that I have dated a lot in the past 10 years, and have been in some great long term (1 year or longer) relationships, but I've never dated someone I've met through my social circles, nor have I ever started off as an acquaintance and then transitioned over time into being romantically involved. I've always seen someone I was physically attracted to (at the airport, coffee shop, etc), strike up a conversation, and if their personality is as attractive as their appearance then I pursue that person romantically.

I don't even know how going from acquaintance to romantic partner would work. If someone isn't attractive to me at the start, they're not going to become attractive later (unless they can, what, become someone who they were not?). If they are attractive to me, then I don't see why I would want to artificially delay pursuit of something that could be great for both of us.

If that's not dating, I don't know what it's called.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#318

Post by bradlys »

giantg2 wrote: post #182
dheera wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> mother nature helps you out with her biological alarm clock Which can also be another can of worms. I'm single, in my mid-late 30s, and a lot of the women I encounter of compatible age seem to want kids yesterday, and that kind of rush doesn't work well for establishing a healthy relationship.

Random thought. I wonder if there's any generalized correlation in personality traits and being single/childless at that age as a woman. For example, are there higher levels of procrastinators or are they more A-type and career oriented? Etc

Type A + career oriented is uncommon for wanting kids. One of those has to give in that dynamic. I've known plenty of women who are both but they're uncommon and while they love their kids - when they think abstractly... They didn't really like kids except for the part where they're not missing out on something.

Procrastinators aren't really a thing - IMO. I think people who have too high of standards are the main issue. They try to get someone who isn't going to ever settle down with them and constantly chase that. By the time they realize they cannot get that person and will constantly get non-committal relationships with them - they are past their prime and will slowly settle (or just get a dog and be alone while having sex with random people to boost self-esteem here and there).

So, character traits I'd say that lead to being single at that age as a lady are ones where someone has an inflated ego, doesn't work on themselves, and/or is generally expecting more than what they offer. That's what I've noticed a lot. (I know a lot of women - most of my friends are women)

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#319

Post by otterley »

BlargMcLarg wrote: post #186
otterley wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a bullshit theory with zero evidence or science behind it. I’m on my second marriage now, am about as far from a virgin as the earth is from the sun, and I’m as happy as can be and utterly devoted to and blissfully in love with my wife. Listen, I know you’re probably having difficulty finding a romantic relationship and I know how demoralizing and depressing that can be. I’ve been there - my teens and twentie…

>This is a bullshit theory with zero evidence or science behind it. https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-li... https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-sexual-history-affect-marita... >And last, but not least, don’t settle! This is horrible advice. You have minimal requirements and fill in the remainder by being human and growing together. "Don't settle" is exactly how people continue to monkey branch to…

First of all, the Institute for Family Studies is not a credible, respected source of scientific information. They're a conservative think tank, funded by religious partisans, that cherry-picks their data in order to make persuasive political arguments. However, I'd be open to peer-reviewed papers from reputable social scientists not affiliated with a partisan entity.

Second, it is never horrible advice to suggest to someone that they try to minimize their unhappiness. Jealousy, neglect, and unkindness are all toxic to a relationship; and sometimes you just aren't attracted to certain people at a basic level for whatever reason. By "don't settle," I'm not suggesting that one hold out for a pinnacle of perfection (e.g. a supermodel), but rather, a partner that makes you feel good, loved, validated, and respected - and whom you feel the same about in return.

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