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Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

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Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#291

Post by annyeonghada »

necessary wrote: post #33
yur3i__ wrote: post #25

I'm 22 and have never been on a date or anything resembling one. I'm not too worried about it, though the potential "skill gap" (for lack of a better word) with future partners does concern me a bit I have to admit.

Honestly there's not much to worry about a "skill-gap" either. It's cliche but being the true and authentic version of yourself (and being self-aware if you need to make improvements on that version of yourself - your authentic self can't be a jerk) is the best way to make both friends and romantic partners. Maybe it's different for hookups, but IMHO romantic relationships don't work like they do in the movies.

>and being self-aware if you need to make improvements on that version of yourself - your authentic self can't be a jerk

So, you need to be yourself... but you actually don't.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#292

Post by bergenty »

csomar wrote: post #181
rokhayakebe wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am from Africa, that is changing. I dare say it has already changed. I know maybe 2 people under 50 who have more than 2 kids. Almost every first-time mother has a family plan created for her with the help of health care professionals.

Africa is big -and not a country- (where I am from, we are actually going the modern-world ageing way, even though it's still under-developed); so an anecdote-approach is not appropriate. The biggest country in Africa is still showing high birth rates: https://www.worldometers.info/world-population/nigeria-popul... Although it's slightly declining, but still a long way from reducing population sizes. Niger for exampl…

Hmm all of Africa having a growth rate of 2.54% isn’t really as bad as I was expecting. Seems to be dropping year over year as well.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#293

Post by danans »

rayiner wrote: post #163
danans wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Historically, many people have relied on parents, churches, etc., to introduce them. Today it’s more of a free market. Yeah, and the free market of dating definitely favors some personality types more than others. In general, people who can tell good jokes, listen to a story, ask questions, dance a bit, etc have it easier than those who can't. Whereas in societies with more traditional pairing mechanisms you could…

At least in the US, there is a general decline in participation in social organizations. People don’t go to church picnics anymore, but many don’t really go to anything else either. And in recent years we have discouraged approaching people in the workplace. I think that’s the correct thing to do, because work should be kept separate from personal life. But that also leaves fewer ways for people to meet each other in…

> People don’t go to church picnics anymore, but many don’t really go to anything else either.

I suppose that raises the question of intrinsic motivation. Perhaps some people aren't very interested in partnerships and absent the social structures like religion that actively push them into prescribed partnerships, they might just prefer not to pursue them. I'm not sure that is a bad thing.

> And in recent years we have discouraged approaching people in the workplace. I think that’s the correct thing to do, because work should be kept separate from personal life.

The workplace is still a pretty good place to meet potential partners if you have the right social skills, social awareness, respect, and tact. Often it's just the initial introduction that happens there, and people find they have other common interests outside of work where they get to know each other better.

It's much more challenging if you don't have the social skills to navigate what is appropriate or inappropriate behavior at work. For such person, having a family or community organization assisting can help, or people like the old world match-makers.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#294

Post by annyeonghada »

globular-toast wrote: post #267
bradlys wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who did get older and went through this - it does not get better. Your hair doesn’t suddenly get thicker. The pounds don’t suddenly become easier to keep off. Your skin doesn’t tighten. Your complexion doesn’t smoothen out. It gets worse. This is just copium we give to men to make them think it gets better. The stats show that it doesn’t get better . If you’re single now and have never been on a date - the…

The thing is a man's attractiveness is not one-dimensional. We all know that one guy who does well despite not being physically attractive. But if you're talking about online dating only then you are probably right. Online dating isn't really good for us.

>We all know that one guy who does well despite not being physically attractive.

I actually don't. I keep seeing these meme constantly repeated and I actually made a list of unattractive males... and they, mostly, have never had luck with relationship. Physical attractiveness is very important, whatever the consensus du jour say about it.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#295

Post by annyeonghada »

IE6 wrote: post #73
willcipriano wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mens value in the dating marketplace goes up over time. If you are relatively sane, sober and employed around 28, mother nature helps you out with her biological alarm clock. Keep your head up, it's going to get easier from here on out.

To be honest this reply smells like "man-o-sphere" logic... PSA: To anyone struggling with this please try and ignore any advice online that focuses on the opposite sex and their inherent value (or lack thereof). Actually talking to the opposite sex even in a casual way is a really good way to get over this type of thinking.

>Actually talking to the opposite sex even in a casual way is a really good way to get over this type of thinking.

Talking to the sex you're attracted to will result, at best, in what people of that sex think they want, not what they actually want and do to get it, at worst, in some unempathetic platitude or even outright insults.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#296

Post by bergenty »

therusskiy wrote: post #152

30 y.o. male, (ex-)Russia. First time I went on a date I was 23 years old. Before that with all the studying and work I had no time whatsoever for any kind of a relationship. Some people on this thread bring up that dating let's you develop a skill. In my experience dating is pretty easy if your goal is a long-term relationship, you just need to be yourself. If the other person likes you for who you are and not appea…

The hookups you missed do matter in that you missed out on a lot of the “fun” life provides. It also takes guts to initiate a lot of these conversations and helps a person grow.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#297

Post by Overtonwindow »

BlargMcLarg wrote: post #24
Overtonwindow wrote: post #12

I don’t know that much about Japan, so forgive me, but I was under the impression that in Japan there was a lot of shame attached to sex, and sexuality. Could the view on sex, particularly casual sex, impact dating?

The sexuality shame thing is overblown. The Japanese don't really have shame towards sex, but public flirting and PDA is generally taboo. At that point you're compartmentalizing places where one can find a date and where one can't find a date, which drastically lowers the odds you'll meet someone. On top, shyness and saving face run rampant. The former makes it so men don't approach all that often, the latter makes i…

Thank you, I see. I tried to Google around for this but couldn't find a strong source: How does Japan compare to a country with the highest marriage rate?

Wikipedia[1] says in 2014, Palestine had the highest marriage rate per capita, followed by Fiji, Egypt, the Bahamas, etc. I suppose the closest comparison to Japan might be another Asian country?

Just curious if it's the taboo on PDA, flirting, and other personal interactions, or is it something more societal. Does Japan need a sexual revolution?

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#298

Post by annyeonghada »

otterley wrote: post #136
aquadoggy wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, I am completely onboard with this tradition. I think of it as the 'tape' analogy. If you stick tape many times, each subsequent stick is less firm. Same with relationships. You bring increasing amounts of baggage, all of your "firsts" have already been done, and you have a loose bond to your partner.

This is a bullshit theory with zero evidence or science behind it. I’m on my second marriage now, am about as far from a virgin as the earth is from the sun, and I’m as happy as can be and utterly devoted to and blissfully in love with my wife. Listen, I know you’re probably having difficulty finding a romantic relationship and I know how demoralizing and depressing that can be. I’ve been there - my teens and twentie…

>This is a bullshit theory with zero evidence or science behind it

There is lots of evidence that having too many partners damage the ability to form deep love relationship. For men and for women.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#299

Post by Overtonwindow »

api wrote: post #179
anon291 wrote: post #171

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or maybe everyone's grossed out by the kinds of sex normalized today. My wife knows many women who have had terrible experiences on dates with boys, including pre-marital sexual activity, and have sworn off on marriage as well. Many have anecdotes of young men wanting to recreate pornographic scenes of incredible debauchery with them. For example, many have had men want to choke them. Perhaps large portions of people…

Porn is nothing like actual sex. Even fetish stuff depicted in porn is usually nothing like actual fetish stuff in actual sex (among people into that). I do worry about easy access to porn and young people growing up thinking it even slightly represents reality.

I met a 15 year old through an at-risk mentoring program years ago. He told me he got a $20 Visa gift card for his birthday, but he spent it all on a "cam girl." That shook me. Kids should not be viewing, making, paying for, or even really hear about pornography.

Finding a playboy in the treehouse was one thing, but the internet has made it so easy for literally anyone, of any age, to view pornography. I think that has seriously harmed the younger generation's courtship and sexual relationships.

Perhaps I'm getting old but ... porn was a lot harder to get when I was a kid and today I'm glad for that.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#300

Post by lawn »

rpmisms wrote: post #137
dudul wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Getting coffee is a date. Sorry to break your special bubble, you guys dated:)

I get coffee with friends and coworkers too.

I do literally everything except kiss and have sex with my friends and coworkers, I think dating is s bit broader than that so there is an overlap.
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