Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

What someone in this range earns and their working conditions are going to be highly dependent on what they ask for and their self-esteem. Someone can probably lure them on the cheap or they could sneak into $200k job. I think a lot of the comments here about self-care and advocating for themselves are very helpful.

Step 1 - Reset your mind and your body:

Get rest. If you have the resources, quit your job and rest.

Move. If you're not exercising, start. If you are keep doing it.

Breathe. Learn to be still and meditate. The best meditation technique for me at that time was Vipassana (it's free and they feed you + give you a place to stay). I also learned about self-compassion meditation on this podcast https://jackkornfield.com/tim-ferriss-podcast-jack-kornfield...

Learn how to be kind to yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. Instead, figure out what you need and want. It helps to keep a gratitude journal. Sounds silly, but it's highly effective.

Reframe. You did not waste your youth. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. You want better for yourself now. This is the beginning of the next phase of your life. It's also really uncomfortable so manage your expectations.

Step 2 - Reconnect with anyone from your past who made you feel good about yourself. Ask them what they see your strengths are. It's often hard for us to see our own strengths because our strengths come easy to us.

Step 3 - Follow your curiosity. Want to draw? Set yourself up for success. Don't say I want to draw then grab a pencil and not be able to draw. Take a class or watch a YouTube video. If not drawing, anything. Relearn things you liked doing as a kid but stopped doing. Find something to do that's not work. It will serve you well when you do work.

Step 4 - Up-skill. Whatever it is you're wanting to achieve, talk to people who are where you think you want to be and see what they did to get there. Then do those things.

Talk to a minimum of 5 people in that position. Better is talking to 20. Listen carefully for things they don't like about it. If those things go against your nature, you may want to rethink what you want. I've built things from scratch. I've had 7 career changes and my own business. Each time I thought it was what I really wanted only to get there and decide it's not for me.

Step 5 - Meet new people in the area you want to be in. Join meetups, online communities, Slack groups, etc

Whatever your next move is make sure it's not at a culture of overwork. You're right about your hourly wage. Better to work 40 hours a week for that wage and have 20-30 hours a week for your own projects. Don't worry that you haven't made any of them big. Having a grand slam is going out of fashion. Now people are building boring businesses and making multiple small bets so they can own their time and improve their quality of life. One of your strengths is you have a good work ethic. Have some of that work be for yourself.

For inspiration, check out Daniel Vassallo's Portfolio of Small Bets cohort course. It's a community with many devs among others building a bunch of things (info products, e-books, e-courses, microSaaS, e-commerce, and more) with the idea of investing in themselves and their own portfolio of products.

Also check out the boring business movement for some ideas on reframing away from building from scratch. @Codie_Sanchez on Twitter and Nick Huber on YouTube are a couple of big names. Try a bunch of things. Don't expect to get it right on the first try.

It's not about working hard or working efficiently, it's about working effectively. Focus on that and you'll get there but not without learning how to be kind to yourself. Otherwise you will constantly get in your own way. For me, I've accepted this as a life long struggle. Being aware of how I can be down on myself helps me catch it before it becomes a problem.

You have everything you need to live the life you want. You just need a reset. I wish you all the best

"Wasted" as opposed to what counterfactual?

Seems like maybe you need a concrete goal, not just vague "satisfaction". "Saving up enough money to 'retire' when you're 30" is such a goal, though if you achieve it, I warn that the same feelings of directionlessness will return until you find another goal. It's also possible to not be too bothered by such feelings, for philosophical reasons.

1. Get off your computer. Take a break, go outside. Literally. Take a walk. It will increase your attention span and help you in numerous other ways.[1]

2. Get off the Internet. Completely. It is incredibly hard, but it is necessary. The Internet is the place that will only cause you stress during this part of your life. To quote a 2011 article from psychology today[2]: > A growing body of evidence shows that video games and other electronics induce the fight-or-flight syndrome, putting the body in a state of stress. Studies show sustained increases in blood pressure and pulse, even hours after playing a video game. It doesn't have to be a violent game, or even an action game-or even a game at all! Over time, internet surfing and texting will similarly put the brain and body in a state of stress, just from the high level of visual and cognitive stimulation.

3. Learn to pay attention. Start each day by telling yourself you'll do something productive. My suggestion is to read a book, clean up, or any _hands on_ hobby but the important part is - it will be hard - to focus. If you feel yourself getting distracted and wanting to check HN or Reddit or anything else that isn't what you are doing, break it up with something physical. Cleaning up? Do a jumping jack when you want to check reddit. Now go back to cleaning. Reading a book? Stand up for 10 seconds. Then go back to reading. Attention is a survival skill, and once it is mastered it will bring much more happiness than Hacker News. You will actually accomplish things.

4. Pick a sport or something you like to do, and find people in your area who like to do it too. Join a casual ultimate frisbee league, or some other sport of yours. Talk to people. It will be hard just like everything else, because the internet has given you a lack of social skills. But you have to, because otherwise it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and you'll just communicate even less in person. Once you learn what real in person interaction feels like again, you'll like it way more than the internet too.

5. After you've done the last 4 for a while (a couple months) and you've began to feel the positive effects, then you should begin using the internet and social media in moderation again.

Humans didn't evolve to receive information at the quick pace computers give it to us, and the long hours you work, in addition to the lack of in person interaction you mention, has created the brain fog you experience. Luckily, the brain has also evolved to change itself. (Did you know brain cells are the fastest replicating cells in the body? It's why brain cancer is the most deadly of them all.) A clean break from all this, then a gradual reintegration is the way.

Edit: I will also second the person who said to study philosophy.

1: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-wealth/201306...

2: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-wealth/201103...

Many of your feelings come from here. You need a healthier work -life balance, where you may allocate some time for other things other than the rat race.

You're a person, before than a coder. Your work shouldn't be your sole source of self-esteem and content, in your life.