Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

I've been programming on and off since the age of 16. Unfortunately, I have never been a rockstar programmer. I've always pieced code together from multiple sources to create programs but I've always failed to come up with a solution from scratch of my own and provide any value. I've always wondered how other smart people are able to come up with libraries, services and various solutions from scratch. I've devised countless ideas only to never execute them for various reasons or get started with them only to never fully complete them and see it all the way through.

I've already wasted my entire teens and 20s, current 28 years old, working as a software engineer (Full-Stack) at a startup for ~4 years. I've been feeling like a loser and not good enough for this career even though I am a sole developer for Mobile and Web platforms at this startup in a very small team. I've put in countless hours of work every day (70-90 hrs), being on-call almost 24/7, sometimes for straight 7 days for months despite only getting paid on a salary basis on 40 hr work weeks; being a loner helps with working long hours. My salary also hasn't increased much, and feel like I'm severely underpaid based on the # of years of experience but I struggle with evaluating my value in the market to determine my worth. I assumed working hard would pay off but that hasn't been the case at all; I truly believe I've been doing the opposite of "Work Smart, Not Hard". I've been trying to get back to learning DS and Algos so I can apply to places but I struggle with LeetCode, which is making me feel like even a bigger loser for not being able to solve problems.

I'm stuck in a rut, wanting to better my skills and earn a good amount of money but unable to concentrate, riddled with brain fog, and unsure of my future. My self-confidence and self-esteem are taking a hit. I am terrible at networking, so I don't have others to reach out to for tips and advice, hence I'm turning to HN. I apologize if this isn't the place for a post like this. How can I turn my directionless life around and find satisfaction with my career?

Do yourself a favor and figure out those concentration/brain fog issues as quickly as possible.

For me the first step in the right direction was an aggressive elimination diet. At some point I had become sensitive to a bunch of foods - but didn't realize the affect they were having on my life.

Good luck, friend.

Are you a former CS major? It sounds like you possibly need structured guidance. Although it's not necessary to have a formal education in CS to succeed in this area, it does help a bit.

I felt my most important CS class was learning about design patterns and code reusability in software (eg Gang of Four books). It took a few years for me to understand how to identify which patterns made sense to use vs using some pattern I found in a book because it looked cool. A required upper-level CS class on the Scheme language turned on some kind of mental switch that allowed me to understand how to code Javascript.

Another would be working around people who are smarter than you. If you're the smartest person in the room and you don't feel at the top of your element, then you're definitely going to feel stagnated. You might need to find another place to work at where you can work with people you feel can be good mentors.

Code reviews from other senior developers also help a lot as they may identify areas of improvement that you can learn from, but that requires you work with people who are smarter than you or have an area of expertise you do not.

Many popular OSS projects have articles going into a deep-dive of how their architecture works. For example, there's lots of material on how React.js works under the hood, with some people building a from-the-ground-up version demonstrating the basic features. Read such articles and explore those code samples.

If you're doing webdev, I don't think it's necessarily important to know the insides and outs of algorithms that you probably won't use in your line of work, but it's more about knowing that they exist and the situations in which it can be used for so you can add it to your mental toolbox. You might come across a problem where you recall reading about x technique or y algorithm. You don't remember the specific details, but at least you know it's there that you can then look up the implementation details for when the time comes.

Finally, the hours you are working are not healthy. You already sound burnt-out, and that's affecting your mental well-being, and possibly can have some long term health effects too if not dealt with. You need to find a way to cut your hours or not work if possible so you can reset yourself.

I had major burn-out two years ago where my body literally would not want to do any kind of work, and I ended up with severe health issues such as double vision, that required visits to several doctors and therapists. I had to do zero work for around half a year before I could do work again. My eyes could see text on a computer screen, but my brain would refuse to process it.

Everyone including myself that I've known in this industry suffer from some kind of imposter syndrome. I was in your position around your age, and fortunately was able to work with people smarter than me to learn from. It's never too late to learn to improve and find the right people to improve with, but you really gotta think about your health first and take care of that first.

Id recommend either some time off, or change of scenery as best paths forward. While not a complete solution, it will may help with - stagnant salary - work life balance - isolation

And on the "rock star" comment, I wouldn't sweat it. Been in software 20 years now and wouldn't consider myself elite either. Plenty of opportunities out there for experienced and reliable programers that dont require you to cram for LeetCode or DS & Algos. Oh, and we all piece code together from multiple sources and there is no shame in that.

1. Take time off, like a month or more. [1] Use it to do anything other than coding. Hone a hobby, travel, volunteer, etc. No-one will care about a month or two gap on your resume.

2. You are worth more than you currently think you are. Internalize this, know this, that is key. "I am a sole developer for Mobile and Web platforms at this startup in a very small team" --> is a desirable skill in and of itself.

3. Stop working 80 hour weeks, stop working weekends. When the only thing you do has little/no reward, that is what causes burnout.

4. Fill your time with something else that you prioritize above work. Make it hard to find time to work. This both prevents slipping back to 80 hr weeks, and forces your brain to prioritize important things within your work life (like executing and finishing projects).

5. Networking is key. I don't have good advice here as this is a challenge for me also. But -- switch jobs often (every couple years), and be friendly and helpful (within reason) to your co-workers. They're now your network.

My background -- coding since I was 6, now 36 -- but I've shared many of the same feelings.

[1] I am assuming you have the basic financial stability to support this. My apologies if not.