Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

This is great advice, recommended by a clinical psychologist in the book "The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter." From the book:

"One thing this has taught me is that a good story goes further in the twentysomething years than perhaps at any other time in life. College is done and résumés are fledgling, so the personal narrative is one of the few things currently under our control. As a twentysomething, life is still more about potential than proof. Those who can tell a good story about who they are and what they want leap over those who can’t.

"[...] But what is a good story? If the first step in establishing a professional identity is claiming our interests and talents, then the next step is claiming a story about our interests and talents, a narrative we can take with us to interviews and coffee dates. Whether you are a therapist or an interviewer, a story that balances complexity and cohesion is, frankly, diagnostic. Stories that sound too simple seem inexperienced and lacking. But stories that sound too complicated imply a sort of internal disorganization that employers simply don’t want."

The author includes other good advice, such as practical advice on why you shouldn't be afraid to lean on your network if you have the opportunity. In essence, the original poster can frame past experience with the startup as evidence as evidence that they would be a great fit for a position at another company.

My two cents: Focus on your health first. If you're not taking care of yourself and exercising, you're doing yourself a disservice mentally. Second, be disciplined when managing your time. Put in the hours you need to put in at work, but don't rob yourself of your free time by working excessively long days. If you want to improve your knowledge of CS, I'd recommend signing up for some courses. Online courses work but if you have a community college nearby that offers CS, I'd choose that. Having a place to go and meet other people with the same interests as you will give you a small social outlet and keep you accountable.

Random other thoughts: Leetcode sucks. Think of Leetcode problems as riddles. Most riddles are impossible to solve if you haven't heard them before.

Satisfaction in a career can come from many places. For some, it's all about solving complex technical problems. Others are happy to be contributing to a charitable mission. Some just want to get paid a lot. Others find satisfaction in being part of a team. Figure out what satisfaction means to you and align your career with that.

> My salary also hasn't increased much, and feel like I'm severely underpaid based on the # of years of experience but I struggle with evaluating my value in the market to determine my worth

Sure sounds like it. I've run 100+ interviews at a FAANG, nearly all levels and IC roles - email me if you'd like to chat about roles/responsibilities/comp (we can keep it anonymous and high-level).

There are also professional services like triplebyte and interviewing sites like interviewing.io to help get an objective assessment of your value.

> I've put in countless hours of work every day (70-90 hrs), being on-call almost 24/7, sometimes for straight 7 days for months despite only getting paid on a salary basis on 40 hr work weeks; being a loner helps with working long hours.

If you're working this hard, you are carrying the team. You know stuff no one else knows. You have the power to say no.

Stop working so hard. Set a fixed 40hr schedule then stick to it. If your boss wants more, that's their problem.

I can tell you that if I were in your case I would quit the 70 to 90 hrs grind. It's not worth the long term damage to your mental health. If you haven't, you will soon burnout. Money is not everything. The only reason I would work those hours is if I was doing it to advance my interests not someone else's.

Before you do anything seek a career counselor that will help you plan your next 1,3,5,10 years. You'll need to review your plan every year but at least you'll have a road map of where you are going.

Also understand that learning new stuff that will be out of date in a few years is not worth the time. There is only so many times you should have to learn a new language and stack. Spinning the wheel leads you nowhere. Focus on knowledge that will serve you your whole career.

Agree to all your points except partial "nit" on the first one - Traveling slightly feels like an escapism thing for me. Volunteering and hobbies are perfect, but people tend to do the traveling more often, I feel.

I think people in OP's situation might benefit a sense of accomplishment/progress, and being recognized for that would help. But that's hard to get, especially external recognition. But a feeling of satisfaction/recalibration/grounding is definitely available thru hobbies that enable creation as suggested in the comment about woodwork, metalwork, sculpting, etc.