Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

In this order:

1. Write a resume and publish a professional profile site. Just you being honest, in your voice, describing the hard work you've put in, the achievements you're most proud of, and what you wish for your career. 95% of networking is putting on a public face and making it public. Last 5% is asking for stuff, like jobs.

2. Talk to your boss. Show him your resume and site. Ask for a raise and less work hours. Tell him you're burning out.

3. Depression will creep on you, and it will happen before burnout. But depression will have you thinking negative thoughts, fog your brain, and drain your energy. Diet, sleep, and exercise will help immediately. Not being lonely also (dating successfully/being in a relationship with someone who is healing). That being said, depression and your life are completely separate. You could be 10x better, richer, better looking, and still be depressed. So try to keep your depression separate from your ego and your professional struggles. Depression is its own problem. Treat it on its own terms.

Everyone successful in life that I know do all of the above ALL THE TIME.

This is a checklist only the first time you do them. But from there, they need to be routine. Always be searching for jobs, always be negotiating with your boss, and always stay on top of your mind and body and keep them happy also.

That'll provide new constant tailwind, and new direction. And as you keep at it, your site will improve, your relationship with your boss/es will improve, and you'll begin to feel a heck of a lot better about absolutely everything.

One last tip on negative talk. Your post is extremely negative, just based on the word count of sadder, more negative words (stuck, unable, loser, wasted).

A healthy exercise would be to write the same thing without those words.

"I've been working hard for 10 years and am still patiently waiting for a big break. I work extremely hard, and never complain. I work at a startup and have been handling all of their programming from the day I started work."

That's saying the same thing. That's someone struggling all the same.

Now, most realists/literalists can only see the world and write about it one way. Optimism is but a point of view. But here's how to skip this debate entirely with others (like me) and yourself.

Just make it a point to do positive. Make a positive difference.

Let your negative mind speak, but don't act on any negative impulses.

So to go full circle, do something on the list of three things above to make a positive difference each day.

Look for positive, do positive, and be the positive difference. Your words and attitude will follow.

The fact is no one does the same job their entire life anymore. CS fields can be a particularly fleeting experience over 28 (tax programs end as you are no longer a youth), and many people get into the field for the wrong reasons.

I would suggest volunteering someplace local like a community center, as happiness is often finding a balance between a meaningful life... and a pleasant one. ;-)

You want to switch jobs? You'll need to explain yourself and demonstrate some basic coding and thinking abilities to complete strangers. This sucks if you're all stressed out. Don't go banging your stressed-out head against leetcode trying to jump ship. Just try to improve your life right now. Start making tiny changes and decisions that get you ahead. You'll feel much better, and it'll put you in a better position to move on.

First thing I'd recommend is to get away from work. Like... stop spending time on work.

- Start being more efficient; get the stuff done quicker.

- Give yourself more time when estimating.

- Explain the work breakdown in order to raise questions about priority and scope. Work on the highest priority stuff; don't spend time on the other stuff.

- Engage with others. Ask for help. Identify people who can be a resource. E.g. if given 3 days to do task X, will you grind through it (higher stress) over 3 days, or will you schedule some time with someone you have a good relationship with who is better at it and can accelerate getting task X done (lower stress)?

Part of a manager's job is to literally help you do the above things. Use your manager to discuss these things.

The bad news is that you've already shown to everyone you work with that you're a workaholic. So you're gonna have to get creative in how you apply this. But you can do it, as long as you keep your performance up.

Next thing I'd recommend after being able to 1) step back from work 2) while still performing... is to get into other things for fun. You need to tap back into the good stuff. The stuff you enjoy and are interested in. Just spend time on that. Not what other people think is cool. Not for popularity (yeah, you mentioned those libraries on GitHub). But what you want to do. It could improve your life a lot. Just do what you want to do.