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Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

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Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#41

Post by rfrey »

I suspect you're worth much more than you're telling yourself if you're carrying your team. There's lots of good advice in this thread about how to proceed if that's the case (which is 90% probable).

But, I guess there's a chance you're not, and you're getting by at the startup via long hours and keeping your job because of low pay. I doubt it, but it's possible. If that's the case, and you're cool with just making a living, consider a move to civil service or university IT. If you can sustain being a sole dev in a startup, you'll be a rockstar in that environment and you'll be able to cut down to 35-40h weeks. Start exploring what makes you feel something - rock climbing, knitting, metalwork, writing sci-fi, hang gliding, cooking, whatever. If your work isn't your joy or your Born Avocation, use it to feed yourself and go start living.

This would be a legitimate choice even if you're much better than you're currently telling yourself. Hospitals need IT people too.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#42

Post by redsable »

1. Take a high quality multi-vitamin every day. 2. Take one day off every week without fail. 3. Spend 10 minutes every day writing down what you are thankful for. 4. Spend 10 minutes every day reading the Bible starting with the New Testament, reading a version that you can understand. Write down any questions you have and at the end of 6 months find someone who can answer your questions.

Do this for 6 months and this will lead you to a better place than you are now.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#43

Post by coastflow »

xgeua wrote: post #23

My two cents: Focus on your health first. If you're not taking care of yourself and exercising, you're doing yourself a disservice mentally. Second, be disciplined when managing your time. Put in the hours you need to put in at work, but don't rob yourself of your free time by working excessively long days. If you want to improve your knowledge of CS, I'd recommend signing up for some courses. Online courses work but…

This is good advice, though I would recommend the original poster to consider taking time off before signing up for courses (70-90 hours a week with 24/7 on-call needs treatment for burnout, which comprises time off).

>"Second, be disciplined when managing your time. Put in the hours you need to put in at work, but don't rob yourself of your free time by working excessively long days."

To add additional clarity for any readers who skimmed: OP should be disciplined with creating time for their personal life by creating boundaries with the company, and should stop being as disciplined with sacrificing personal interests on behalf of the company.

Overall, the poster's primary interest at this point should be to improve the stability of their own life as much as possible, regardless of how people at the company will feel about it.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#45

Post by coastflow »

WheelsAtLarge wrote: post #27

I can tell you that if I were in your case I would quit the 70 to 90 hrs grind. It's not worth the long term damage to your mental health. If you haven't, you will soon burnout. Money is not everything. The only reason I would work those hours is if I was doing it to advance my interests not someone else's. Before you do anything seek a career counselor that will help you plan your next 1,3,5,10 years. You'll need to…

>"I would quit the 70 to 90 hrs grind. It's not worth the long term damage to your mental health. If you haven't, you will soon burnout. Money is not everything. The only reason I would work those hours is if I was doing it to advance my interests not someone else's."

Absolutely. To reinforce this: any money secured by working longer hours will very likely be spent on treatments for the physical and psychological health problems that result from working such long hours. The advice is especially important because the original poster is getting paid on a 40 hour salary, not even getting paid for overtime.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#47

Post by reflexe »

fshr wrote: post #30
colanderman wrote: post #9

1. Take time off, like a month or more. [1] Use it to do anything other than coding. Hone a hobby, travel, volunteer, etc. No-one will care about a month or two gap on your resume. 2. You are worth more than you currently think you are. Internalize this, know this, that is key. "I am a sole developer for Mobile and Web platforms at this startup in a very small team" --> is a desirable skill in and of itself. 3. Stop…

But what if they aren't worth more (as a dev, financially) than they think they are? They could be awful, but naively put in a ton of hours. Why do we assume people are worth more? Are we trying to make them feel better by making assumptions and potentially leading them horribly astray? Most people are supremely mediocre and there are just and many horrible devs as their are great ones.

Someone who has been working in a small team for 4 years in a startup has to be "good enough". Which is far better than the average candidate who can't keep a position for more than a year and needs constant help from the manager in order to accomplish anything. Maybe my standards are low, but unfortunately, I have seen so many of these cases.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#49

Post by outside1234 »

The hours you are putting in would leave me in that state.

Back off the 40 hours a week and stick with it.

You are not a loser - in fact the mere fact that you think you are a loser probably means you are great. :)

Hang in there.

40 hours a week and no more. Try it for at least 6 months.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#50

Post by vba616 »

It sounds to me like you are asking why you don't like what you are supposed to like; why aren't you good at what you're supposed to be good at; and why don't you like the people that you are supposed to respect.

You could ask a psychologist, or an astrologer, or you could accept your feelings as facts, and scientifically investigate them.

Maybe your top priority is 40 hours a week or less. Or maybe it's money, but I doubt it, because you don't mention any concrete need; it sounds like you associate it with respect. Or maybe you really don't like the sort of people you work with. You don't have to work with stereotypical techies.

But if you need non-specific change, then maybe try short term work. A little randomness can be very effective compared to supposedly "rational" searching. Optimizing everything is a trap.

Talking to people can be hard. My personal view is that there should be no shame about not being able to talk to people, and no attempt at finding logic in it. It's a massive barrier, which can be hard to face, and my solution has been medication, which totally changed my life starting when I was about your age. I see it as basically the same as chronic pain, and not something that you should attribute to your underlying personality or nature.

Maybe there is something you haven't mentioned, a life goal, that is making you dissatisfied with everything else. For instance, I don't see where you say you have a degree. Not that it's a necessity, but I spent most of my 20s as a college dropout, not wanting to go back, not believing I could go back, but it turned out I could finish up quickly when I just went and talked to a counselor at the school.

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