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On Aging Alone (2021)

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Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#101

Post by tasty_freeze »

NalNezumi wrote: post #45

I was expecting some wisdom, at least some insight or sympathy from the article, supposed to be written by 80 year old. All I now feel is pity for her; early in her essay she snobs on "people feeling lonely around loving families" - comparing them to orphans that know true loneliness (and by the tone, she too). Then just a paragraph or two later she reveals she had a family; husband, kids and grandchildren. A couple…

It isn't a how-to article or a flowchart of how to age, it is a rumination on her life and the role solitude and isolate have had in shaping her. While turning over what she thinks about her life, she delves into contradictory positions where both seem true to her; this isn't a flaw, all of us have such notions.

I'm not sure how old you are, but as someone approaching retirement age, my thoughts are increasingly turning to such matters. I'm in good health currently but having watched the generation before me age and pass away, I know the spectrum of possibilities that awaits. I have no fear of being dead, but a realistic fear of what old age will be like: living in pain, loss of energy and desire, bad eyesight and hearing, mental diminishment to the point of confusion, repeated bouts of grief from the deaths of family and friends, and the knowledge that the process is a ratchet that can't be turned back or stopped (at least not yet).

Anyway, I hope I have the mental clarity to write something so thoughtful when I'm 80.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#103

Post by makeitdouble »

nazgulnarsil wrote: post #73

Focus on what you can do for others, not what others can do for you. Activities will gradually lose their luster as you age, if you are focused on what you get from them. In Buddhist terms: cultivate mudita, sympathetic joy in the joys of others. It is nigh impossible to make yourself happy, yet seemingly trivial to make others happy, if you are keeping an eye out for the opportunity.

> Activities will gradually lose their luster as you age, if you are focused on what you get from them.

Doing things for other is also activities, and you also seem to be focused on what you get (sympathetic joy) from that.

You are right in that doing the same things for literally decades can get boring. Rethinking your life and trying different things is part of aging (including focusing on yourself, if what you did all your life was to do stuff for others)

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#104

Post by ekianjo »

cm2012 wrote: post #57
kromem wrote: post #50

AI companionships for the elderly is going to be a beyond massive market by the time we're all old. Sometimes we just need people to listen, and in that AI will exceed most humans, who are generally just waiting for their chance to have someone else listen to them. I'm starting to see the initial beginnings of that market, and already the reviews are eye opening. People gushing over how much of a difference a text-ch…

People are skeptical of this but the new AI conversation capabilities are just so good these days and will only get better. At some point it really will be like a supportive friend (albeit with limitations)

> At some point it really will be like a supportive friend (albeit with limitations)

I hope it's better than actual humans otherwise it's not really worth it.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#105

Post by charlie0 »

vinceguidry wrote: post #31

I have always had a tough time applying the tool of reason to the problem of loneliness. In a way, I don't feel like I've ever been lonely. Not that I have never felt the same way that people who do describe themselves as lonely feel. I have and still often do. The 'problem' is that I've always been able to isolate the reason I'm feeling that way and administer some kind of intervention. And I know, that getting olde…

I thoroughly agree that loneliness is specifically an issue with America. Here we are taught to value the individual above all else. While this provides nice benefits, it also has its downsides.

Everywhere I look, most people in their 20's are focused on their careers, people in their 30's-40's are raising children, and by their 50's are basically home bodies. I myself am stuck with being focused on my career. I feel as if I take too much time off to be social, I will fall behind in the rat race.

I'm comparing this against a multi-month trip I did in South America. I frequently encountered public transportation and so many more people walked. I found myself talking with random people just because we happened to be walking in the same direction or taking the same public transport or right next to each other at popular restaurants.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#106

Post by l33t2328 »

makeitdouble wrote: post #103
nazgulnarsil wrote: post #73

Focus on what you can do for others, not what others can do for you. Activities will gradually lose their luster as you age, if you are focused on what you get from them. In Buddhist terms: cultivate mudita, sympathetic joy in the joys of others. It is nigh impossible to make yourself happy, yet seemingly trivial to make others happy, if you are keeping an eye out for the opportunity.

> Activities will gradually lose their luster as you age, if you are focused on what you get from them. Doing things for other is also activities, and you also seem to be focused on what you get (sympathetic joy) from that. You are right in that doing the same things for literally decades can get boring. Rethinking your life and trying different things is part of aging (including focusing on yourself, if what you did…

I’ve always thought that there seemed to be a meta-selfishness to that sort of thinking.

It doesn’t bother me at all, unless the person tries to also say that selfishness and selfish motivations are to be avoided.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#107

Post by l33t2328 »

enw wrote: post #84
nazgulnarsil wrote: post #73

Focus on what you can do for others, not what others can do for you. Activities will gradually lose their luster as you age, if you are focused on what you get from them. In Buddhist terms: cultivate mudita, sympathetic joy in the joys of others. It is nigh impossible to make yourself happy, yet seemingly trivial to make others happy, if you are keeping an eye out for the opportunity.

Also Christianity, where self-seeking is one of the worst things you can strive for.

I find it interesting that the implication is that you should strive to not be self seeking, because it’s better for you.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#108

Post by srge »

nazgulnarsil wrote: post #73

Focus on what you can do for others, not what others can do for you. Activities will gradually lose their luster as you age, if you are focused on what you get from them. In Buddhist terms: cultivate mudita, sympathetic joy in the joys of others. It is nigh impossible to make yourself happy, yet seemingly trivial to make others happy, if you are keeping an eye out for the opportunity.

Your comment is simple yet powerful. I am saving it in my diary for later.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#109

Post by devnull3 »

sbf501 wrote: post #88

I'm in my mid 50's and a number of peers from different circles have all come to the same conclusion: they want to create intentional communities of friends to age with. One couple purchased several acres of land and has two friends living in a tiny house with them. Another friend is trying to raise capital to build the type of apartments/dormitories that the majority of US city-dwellers inhabitied in the late 1880's…

> indian subcontinent where multi-generational families mean you're never really alone.

It's changing fast, especially in big cities. Families are becoming more nuclear. Its still much better than western countries though.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#110

Post by refactor_master »

ldd wrote: post #93

As I get older (30 now), and perhaps spend more time alone, I feel that I do not mind this process as much as I thought I would. Just as usual, I am able to read books and spend time with my dog. I'm only weary of the fact that I do talk to myself out loud every once in a while and there is the possibility that in due time, if it is not already the case, my lonesomeness may eventually be misinterpreted as madness.

I feel the exact opposite at 30. Every leisurely lone time that I once used to enjoy now feels like pointless escapism and filler, until the next meaningful social interaction. Until recently I had even been an avid solo traveler until I hit the wall of pointlessness hard. I can’t exactly point to what it is, but a guess would be “adult life after studies”. Now that I’ve experienced the rush of a handful of different jobs, it now seems like a “been there, done that”.

I have, at times, thought about e.g. moving to a different country, or changing to a much more demanding job, but I’ve done those things before, and they didn’t lead to “dramatic” social outcomes more so than the odd chance encounter in my daily life, so I figure “why bother?”

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