The Agony of Eros: Dating • Hacker News Board

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#81

Post by ecmascript » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:21 AM UTC

Modern, online dating is horrible for all men and we have the statistics that proves it. While every girl has a smörgåsbord of guys, most men have a ghost town as an inbox even if they have an easy time IRL.

Sometimes I wish I lived my life before the internet, where friday nights people would go out dancing because there was nothing to do at home. Today, you could go clubbing but I firmly believe it's not the same thing. When you go out socializing most people pick up their smartphones anyway.

I hate social media, it's the worst part of the modern society.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#82

Post by jdrc » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:21 AM UTC

enw wrote: post #60

Hot take: men don’t want promiscuous women as long-term partners, fundamentally people desire long-term partners, and the commoditization of sex contributes to weak relationships and broken families.

Hotter take: men don't want long-term partners period, monogamy is social conditioning because it leads to stable and more successful settlements.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#83

Post by immigrantheart » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:21 AM UTC

WJW wrote: post #72

immigrantheart wrote: post #56

Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families: - Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones. - People who are married just shy over 2-3 years are thinking on divorce, or have girlfriends/boyfriends. - People having open relationships. - Girls randomly make out in club with some…

Honestly this entire list was happening 20 years ago as well, although the Excel sheets were paper notebooks instead. Young people are going to experiment and make rash decisions that they regret later. That is just a part of growing up and has very little to do with social media or dating apps.

I see, well I'm not part of the cool kids then.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#84

Post by doix » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:22 AM UTC

smackeyacky wrote: post #23

MezzoDelCammin wrote: post #15

Is it just me, or does this article really overthink way too much? IMO, dating is ultimately not a subject that could be analyzed by logic. At least not on on the personal / self-help level (of course sociology / statistics still work). Trying to find some kind of generally applicable "rules of the game" that would work for everyone (or even most) people seems somewhat "not even wrong". It's simply trying to use the…

I found it interesting. Being an older person in a long term relationship with someone I met in high school, the online dating stuff seems much harder for a lot of reasons. Firstly, meet someone when you are young they are more likely to be of a similar socio-economic group and share a lot of values by default. Second (and I realise this is controversial) if you fall in love when you are young and stupid, the pair of…

I am 30(ish) and have managed to avoid the online dating scene. I just met people doing the hobbies I like and traveling. I feel like now it's easier than ever to do that. COVID has made a lot more people travel (anecdotal data ofc) after they felt stuck for a while. And remote work means that you can travel while working.

You can go somewhere, meet someone, and then travel around together. If things stop going well, just stop traveling together. Stay at hostels, work at co-working spaces, look for 'expat groups' on Facebook (had to reactivate my Facebook account for this one). Get some hobbies and move to places that you can do them (live in a ski resort for a season or a surfer town and go snowboarding/surfing everyday). The person you meet will most likely be doing the same thing you're doing, so at least you have something in common (hobbies/traveling).

The best part is, even if you don't meet someone, you probably had fun doing stuff rather than sitting at home and swiping on tinder. The only downside is the environmental impact of traveling around :(.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#85

Post by ycombinete » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:22 AM UTC

immigrantheart wrote: post #56

Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families: - Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones. - People who are married just shy over 2-3 years are thinking on divorce, or have girlfriends/boyfriends. - People having open relationships. - Girls randomly make out in club with some…

I’m not sure any of that is new. I’m in my mid thirties now and that all sounds much the same as it was when I was at school nearly 20 years ago.

I think young people find ways to do the same things in each successive generation, given that generation’s tools.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#86

Post by FriedrichN » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:23 AM UTC

immigrantheart wrote: post #56

Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families: - Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones. - People who are married just shy over 2-3 years are thinking on divorce, or have girlfriends/boyfriends. - People having open relationships. - Girls randomly make out in club with some…

This seems rather biased towards women, men are just as likely to make out with strangers in the club. And while men are not getting surgery to enlarge their boobs, they do get hair implants and steroids/SARMs are more prevalent than ever. I think the constant barrage of certain images on social media cause both men and women to be ever more insecure about the way they look.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#87

Post by tgv » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:23 AM UTC

antihero wrote: post #62

immigrantheart wrote: post #56

Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families: - Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones. - People who are married just shy over 2-3 years are thinking on divorce, or have girlfriends/boyfriends. - People having open relationships. - Girls randomly make out in club with some…

What exactly is “messed up” about open relationships and making out with strangers?

1. "Messed up" doesn't necessarily refer to that.

2. Not everybody thinks that's a good idea. Making out with strangers in a club is definitely trashy. It's the kind of thing that deceives everybody's expectations, also those of the bystanders, and can lead to a problematic outcome. You might want to say that that shouldn't happen in your particular ideal of society, but it does.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#88

Post by dotancohen » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:23 AM UTC

varjag wrote: post #7

We expect more from our partners than ever before—we want them to be our true love, our best friend, our coparenting partner, and the person we combine our finances with. Curious what is their idea of 'before'. Unless they mean pre-industrial societies.

More like pre-agriculture. There is evidence of legally-recognized union between man and woman going back over 5000 years, right at the beginnings of both history and of law. And there is strong case for socially-recognized exclusivity of partners dating much further back, right up until the first seasonally-permanent settlements which to our knowledge coincide with agriculture.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#89

Post by immigrantheart » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:24 AM UTC

FriedrichN wrote: post #86

immigrantheart wrote: post #56

Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families: - Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones. - People who are married just shy over 2-3 years are thinking on divorce, or have girlfriends/boyfriends. - People having open relationships. - Girls randomly make out in club with some…

This seems rather biased towards women, men are just as likely to make out with strangers in the club. And while men are not getting surgery to enlarge their boobs, they do get hair implants and steroids/SARMs are more prevalent than ever. I think the constant barrage of certain images on social media cause both men and women to be ever more insecure about the way they look.

Fair point.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#90

Post by m000 » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:26 AM UTC

verisimi wrote: post #11

'Modern Dating' is where corporations intermediate your interactions with the other sex... and its not working out well? Well, what a surprise! People have lost all sense it seems to me - we have been trained to have technology do everything for us. This really means the corporations behind the tech are meant to do everything for us. Good god. The mega-trend - IMO - in all this is a fostered neoteny (extended juvenil…

> The mega-trend - IMO - in all this is a fostered neoteny (extended juvenile period) where our expectations are that someone should service our desires. Its such an irresponsible and weak position - it doesn't even register as a possibility to the younger generation that they should be able to sort things out on their own - benevolent tech companies should do it instead. Even a date is too much apparently.

Sorry, I don't buy this. Even working in the tech field, buying a house with your salary is really tough. And it only goes downhill for other types of jobs. So this "fostered neoteny" is just young people not feeling financially secure to start a traditional family. You can't possibly sort out generational financial insecurity on your own.