Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The Agony of Eros: Dating

ava.substack.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

51–60 of 270 posts

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#51

Post by insickness »

MezzoDelCammin wrote: post #15

Is it just me, or does this article really overthink way too much? IMO, dating is ultimately not a subject that could be analyzed by logic. At least not on on the personal / self-help level (of course sociology / statistics still work). Trying to find some kind of generally applicable "rules of the game" that would work for everyone (or even most) people seems somewhat "not even wrong". It's simply trying to use the…

I always hate the "don't overthink it" comment that inevitably comes along with any advice on dating, eating, sleeping, etc. Yeah, if dating is going great for you, then no need to apply any thinking at all. But if something is not working then you'll need to think about it and the chorus of people saying "don't overthink it" are less than useless.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#52

Post by sandgiant »

jll29 wrote: post #38

This post gets it wrong already in the headline. At least if your happiness (instead of short-term satisfaction) is your objective, it's not about love but about love. Let me explain: the headline mentions "eros" for love, which is one of several (Greek) words for love, but focusing on physical erotics (lust). Nothing wrong with lust per se, but lust considered in isolation can be a selfish thing. Now "agape", anothe…

Thank you for bringing this up. This is an important distinction. I'm totally with you until the sentence that includes "find their true love". This sounds like there is a very particular kind of love (the true kind) and perhaps also a particular person that is the true "love of your life", and both need to somehow be "found".

I'm not trying to be pedantic, but genuinely curious as to whether you have thought on this as well, as I find the first part of your post quite illuminating.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#53

Post by Flankk »

MezzoDelCammin wrote: post #15

Is it just me, or does this article really overthink way too much? IMO, dating is ultimately not a subject that could be analyzed by logic. At least not on on the personal / self-help level (of course sociology / statistics still work). Trying to find some kind of generally applicable "rules of the game" that would work for everyone (or even most) people seems somewhat "not even wrong". It's simply trying to use the…

Not just you. I found it cringeworthy. Love is not rational. You're not going to be able to quantify your taste in music. I think social media has got many women holding men to a ridiculous standard. You're going to wait a long time if you're looking for some combination of Elon Musk and Justin Bieber.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#55

Post by jdrc »

jll29 wrote: post #38

This post gets it wrong already in the headline. At least if your happiness (instead of short-term satisfaction) is your objective, it's not about love but about love. Let me explain: the headline mentions "eros" for love, which is one of several (Greek) words for love, but focusing on physical erotics (lust). Nothing wrong with lust per se, but lust considered in isolation can be a selfish thing. Now "agape", anothe…

Eros did not just represent lust but also love. Agape is a context more limited to christianity, which kind of has anti-sexual overtone.

But there were many Erotes representing all kinds of desire and attraction

> Anteros ("Love Returned"),[1] Hedylogos ("Sweet-talk"), Hermaphroditus ("Hermaphrodite" or "Effeminate"), Himeros ("Impetuous Love" or "Pressing Desire"), Hymenaios ("Bridal-Hymn"), and Pothos ("Desire, Longing," especially for one who is absent)

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#56

Post by immigrantheart »

Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families:

- Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones.

- People who are married just shy over 2-3 years are thinking on divorce, or have girlfriends/boyfriends.

- People having open relationships.

- Girls randomly make out in club with some random strangers they just met.

- Guys obsessed on having model-like girlfriends.

- Girls are doing nose/face/boob job more.

- Girls have Excel sheets that track potential guys according to some criterias (i.e, high paying jobs like law, medicine, graduated from an Ivy league, height, body type, etc)

Or maybe its just my circles are messed up lol.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#57

Post by fxtentacle »

smeej wrote: post #37
fxtentacle wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No actually females can typically "smell" (for lack of a better word) out of the sweat of males if the immune system markers are different enough to protect potential offspring from getting the same sicknesses as mother or father. "In several species, including rodents and fish, it has been shown that the Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC) influences mating preferences" "This study thus supports the hypothesis th…

This is true, but hormonal birth control all but destroys the innate ability to do this correctly. Most hormonal birth control functions by putting the body into a hormonal state that mimics pregnancy. If you're already carrying a baby, what you've evolved to look for in people to become close to during that time is actually people who are genetically more like you, rather than complementary. If for some reason you d…

wow TIL. But yeah, that intuitively makes sense.

"Factorial ANOVA results showed that the group of nonpill users obtained higher scores on the PMI scale than the group of pill users (considering the fertile phase of the cycle)." where PMI = Partner's Masculinity Index

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S17436...

In short, pill birth control reduced the desirability of features considered traditionally masculine.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#58

Post by meerita »

The author clearly didn't studied the matter and she's speaking from personal and enviroment-she-can-perceive point of view, no offense with this part. After reading the entire post, I can see she's biased with her own perception on the matter. Reading other articles, who are also biased just make it worse.

When you look at the data, you realize the dating world for men is close to doom. Only a small fraction of men will traspass genes and most women compete for the top 20% men. The rest of the men are invisible. 1/3 of americans males, from 18 to 30 are virgins and it's climbing. Less marriages, more divorces initiated by women, and the list of stats goes on.

Also, among all the sexual dynamics that benefit women, you have the services, which are done in order to milk the men who aren't attractive (not only good looking) for women. These men sustain Tinder economy, for example, as all the algorithms are made just to milk men money just to land some opportunity of attractions.

Anyone interested should start reading papers, studies, and it will be surprised instead watching TikToks, tweets, etc.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#59

Post by t-3 »

beebeepka wrote: post #21

I cannot relate with the whole "dating" thing one bit. It's not just that I am old now. All I hear is "apps" and silly comments on "how we this and that". I'd go as far as saying avoid people who spew things like "we" on the internet. It's crap. They don't know you, and you don't know them. Go to bars. They're full of young people looking for love. Don't fall into this app dating thing. It's a trap. Why else would th…

Personally, I've never gone to a bar looking for love (and rarely ever even looking for sex). I just wanted to get drunk in a different atmosphere. Every relationship has come through either friends/acquaintances or random encounters + striking up a conversation.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#60

Post by enw »

Hot take: men don’t want promiscuous women as long-term partners, fundamentally people desire long-term partners, and the commoditization of sex contributes to weak relationships and broken families.
Post reply on HN