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But life had other plans

danlebrero.com

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Re: But life had other plans

#231

Post by ane »

gitfan86 wrote: post #141
sizzle wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That there are situations where women have affairs and get pregnant in very narrow timelines then have their partner think it’s their child. Putting the morality of this aside and speaking practically, unsuspecting men should have a DNA test if the timeline of conception feels off or extraordinary.

I would say it is more likely that consciously or unconsciously the woman started missing pills the month before. The couple was already considering it so it wasn't a big deal if she missed some pills. My wife and I were very fertile, we got pregnant on the first try every time we tried. I suspect that the birth control was barely working.

We suspected this as well. She is lactose intolerant and has IBS, this can cause complications with the efficacy of the pill.

We weren't making it easy for the contraceptive either. I mean, several times a day, every day, for years... One of them was bound to get through eventually anyway.

I've understood that this kind of contraceptive makes only conception extremely difficult, not impossible. She was still ovulated (tested), and had regular periods.

It was extremely easy for us to conceive our second child. Now we have two pretty kids!

But we have to be really, really, really careful, lest we have yet another...

Re: But life had other plans

#232

Post by oceanghost »

ridaj wrote: post #82
oceanghost wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

IMHO the surest way to get pregnant is to be told by a doctor that you can't.

Some fertility specialists will say on first consult, the odds that you could get pregnant naturally just went down as you walked through the door to my office. All because the kind of people who visit a fertility specialist have lower fertility stats than the kind of people who don't (duh). The average practitioner doesn't really excel at distinguishing between correlation and causation.

Wouldn't you say that's a naive application of conditional probability?

Re: But life had other plans

#233

Post by ycombinete »

cycomanic wrote: post #190
agent008t wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a question of trust, for starters?

So what is the test that the husband should undergo? I mean why only think about the faithfulness of the wife?

A woman always knows that the child is hers. It's not a symmetrical issue

Re: But life had other plans

#234

Post by floodyberry- »

rayiner wrote: post #43
pithon wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

(1) not all of them, apparently, and (2) it seems arrogant to claim that.

Not the dunk you think it is for the billions of people who believe in a personal god and life everlasting.

believing in things that aren't true makes a lot of arguments fall flat

Re: But life had other plans

#236

Post by barry-cotter »

amanaplanacanal wrote: post #212
burrows wrote: post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I do not want to invest significant resources into progeny that is not my own. Doing a paternity test reduces the possibility of this.

Although I realize there are people that think this way, this is totally removed from the way my mind works. You wanted a baby, you are there when your partner gives birth, you are both happy. What difference does it make where the DNA came from? There are plenty of folks who have to rely on sperm donors or surrogate mothers to make a baby happen.

Your intuitions about family and human relations are deeply abnormal and you should be aware of that for the future when you talk to people.

Re: But life had other plans

#237

Post by rrr83 »

Congrats and good to know it all was fine at the last!

In 2014 when we first decided to have our kids, we tried almost a year but nothing worked out. Then we ended up going through multiple tests, different gynac consultations, too much time/money and emotional roller-coaster where finally doc said we can't conceive naturally because my sperm count was some millions but still less :-) . One gynac said right upto my face that 99% you can't have natural pregnancy ever!

So I started medicines/diet/exercise and almost gave up a hope and started exploring IUI and IVF treatments. We did 4 IUIs, all went unsuccessful, so only hope remaining was IVF. As we were already too tired going through all this for almost 2 years. Even IVF is expensive and we don't have public health care support I decided to take a break and took a project in another country to get some extra savings. After 6 months my wife resigned form her job and joined with me in a hope that we will save some money then go back and try our luck with IVF.

and here Life had other plans fits in - Just after 2 months she started feeling uneasy , so we though it might be some weather or food allergy. After few days she confirmed she is pregnant! that is the most pleasant surprise life has given me ever! We went back and were blessed with beautiful girl.

story continues, in 2020 we decided to take another chance, we were not optimistic as we thought we were very lucky in first place but it worked! super happy and one day my wife called me in office that she had a miscarriage, it was her 3rd month...she had to drive to her office daily.. so yes life had other plans.

We gave up again as we were almost 36+ and then 2020 pandemic started, we said that's it we won't have another child ever. But soon when pandemic gave a relief , wfh started we thought let's try as being at home we could avoid travelling and might help during pregnancy. So we took a chance and it worked again! but this time we had to go through constant fear of catching the virus throughout her 9 months, even post my baby boy arrived it was so tensed moments whenever we had to go out we had this fear that what if we get infected as we didn't have vaccines available till then. Looking back we agree it was a big risk we took.

finally we both are vaccinated, and my boy is about to complete a year!

Re: But life had other plans

#238

Post by barry-cotter »

rayiner wrote: post #177
mod wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

1) You seem to have totally focused on the "parent" role, and forgotten the "partner" aspect. This has major implications for the relationship. 2) The practical difference is choice. Biological parents are pretty stuck. People in this situation aren't at all.

Nope. Once you have kids being the parent is the most important thing.

How is raising someone else’s child a moral obligation? If a man’s wife has a child with her lover her lover has an obligation to raise the child. He’s the father. The mother’s husband has no relation to the child.

Re: But life had other plans

#239

Post by barry-cotter »

froh wrote: post #163
samhw wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does it really matter whose child it is? You seem to be writing this as if she might give birth to a goblin or something like that. I can't see what's "speaking practically" and "putting the morality aside" here, because there's not really any practical difference.

Yes! Especially several years later. Stupid shit happens, to all of us. And if the kid has 'adopted' the father, then for many years it will be outright traumatic to cut the relationship and trust if that kid just because if some test. Oh, not my DNA, then I don't love you? How narcissistic of a father would that be? Joseph of Nazareth would like to have a word, too... No, there should be very good and compelling rea…

Making a man raise someone else’s child is not “stupid shit”. It is a calculated major betrayal.

If Joseph chose to raise someone else’s child that’s nice for him. Great. He made a morally laudable, superogatory choice. That’s very different from being betrayed by your loved one and deceived into raising someone else’s child.

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