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Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#131

Post by fouc »

hughrr wrote: post #125
cannabis_sam wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird. They are, in every quantitative and qualitative measure, far more well-adjusted than the poor children, like yours, who had no choice but to grow up with literal children as parents. (Or maybe we shouldn’t generalize like this…?)

No please do. You’re on the mark there. I was waiting for someone to make this point. The weirdness comes from the social disparity and disconnectedness from peers their own age due to different social attitudes from parents. The generalisation comes from the observation that older parents tend to lead to less progressive attitudes.

I think there could be a couple of confounding factors here:

1) What demographics are these older parents in? Are they basically baby boomers or Gen X having kids late? Milennials are approaching 40 years old, so they could potentially be more chill as first time parents perhaps or not.

2) If both parents are old, then I could see the mother potentially feeling overprotective, feeling like all her eggs are in one basket so to speak. I'd kind of think that an older father would probably be more chill.

In 2006 I worked with a software developer that was 50 years old and was equally new to Ruby on Rails and also had his first baby on the way. He was chill and young at heart.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#133

Post by ALittleLight »

randomdata wrote: post #45
ALittleLight wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Getting older has opened my eyes to the benefits of having kids young. For one thing, I had more energy and was more resilient to loss of sleep when I was younger. That would've been nice to pair with kids. My mother had me at 30. My wife's mother had her in her late teens. There's a big difference in energy there too. My wife's mother has more time, and energy, with our kids. I have friends who had kids in college a…

> I would guess that late twenties are the ideal time to have kids. In hindsight, I'm thinking teenage years. For all practical purposes your days are wasted anyway, so you may as well waste it enjoying your kids. They'll be much more independent by the time you're deemed old enough to begin participating in society. You are also more likely to have a larger community of people in the household at that age to help ra…

I think it wouldn't be terrible to have kids as a teen - provided you have a supportive family and partner. Of course, I've never tried it for myself, but that's my general sense. If my children have kids young I won't be distraught and will provide as much help as possible - expecting it to be quite a lot for the first 5-10 years.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#134

Post by newacc9 »

disambiguation wrote: post #108
newacc9 wrote: post #26

Get married, have children, buy assets. There's this idea that men don't need to settle down because they can have children at any age, which I guess is technically true but it presupposes that a 30 y/o woman will want to have children with you when you're 45, but they are more inclined to go +5 years, not +15. Also take prescription labels more seriously, like don't take Advil all the time, because you will get an u…

cant you elaborate on "buy assets"? stocks, real estate, all the above, something else?

Use the bankers money to buy a rental duplex/triplex/quad I think is the shortest path to wealth, but atm I'm only interested in bitcoin, nvidia (watch GTC that came out yest) and SARK.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#135

Post by guenthert »

hughrr wrote: post #32
scionthefly wrote: post #17

In your 30s, if you are waiting to have kids for various reasons, you really need to stop delaying. Your probability of successfully having kids goes down every year, and by your early 40s your options for medical help if you have infertility stop being available because even those interventions lose effectiveness. If you want kids, just have the kids. You're not going to care that you were being responsible and wait…

This. I had kids in my early 20s. It’s great because I still have a connection with them even though two are adults. Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird.

> Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird.

Yeah, I love you too.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#136

Post by cannabis_sam »

hughrr wrote: post #125
cannabis_sam wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird. They are, in every quantitative and qualitative measure, far more well-adjusted than the poor children, like yours, who had no choice but to grow up with literal children as parents. (Or maybe we shouldn’t generalize like this…?)

No please do. You’re on the mark there. I was waiting for someone to make this point. The weirdness comes from the social disparity and disconnectedness from peers their own age due to different social attitudes from parents. The generalisation comes from the observation that older parents tend to lead to less progressive attitudes.

Well, you’re clearly way of the mark here, since you completely missed my point.

The weirdness is in your head, mate. (Although the generalization is your responsibility.)

I mean, people like you, i.e. people who become parents at a relatively young age, literally have their brain chemistry altered to protect their offspring, WAY before you have actually experienced life as an adult.

I could make grand speculative declarations about your children based on this, but I actually realize it’s meaningless, so I won’t.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#137

Post by cannabis_sam »

anemoiac wrote: post #127
hughrr wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No please do. You’re on the mark there. I was waiting for someone to make this point. The weirdness comes from the social disparity and disconnectedness from peers their own age due to different social attitudes from parents. The generalisation comes from the observation that older parents tend to lead to less progressive attitudes.

Are these assumptions based on your personal experience? I ask because mine has been completely different than what you describe.

Thank you, this was my point in the post they responded to.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#138

Post by NateEag »

kashunstva wrote: post #119
hughrr wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This. I had kids in my early 20s. It’s great because I still have a connection with them even though two are adults. Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird.

> Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird. By what measure? I was 42 and my wife was 40 when we had our daughter who is now 13 and headed off to full time pre conservatory program in violin next year. Well adjusted, sensitive and empathic, I can’t think of any way in which she’s ‘weird’ Certainly not by any conventional definitions of the word.

> Well adjusted, sensitive and empathic

I'd say that's an unfortunately rare outcome.

Perhaps even a "weird" one.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#139

Post by rg111 »

themodelplumber wrote: post #130
rg111 wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Whoa, my bad. You clearly know more than me about Buddhism. For me, I limit myself to Theraveda Buddhism and especially to Buddha's teachings only. Long before I grew an interest on Buddhism, I realized that very few people actually understand great people and their teachings. Normal people dilute, misunderstand, and misinterpret what great people taught and communicated. Years before I started studying about Buddhis…

Ah, you have a PURSe, a Personally-Understood Religious Structure. My compliments on the way you've sorted your awarenesses into something that works for you. (And, when you have listeners, co-believers, or followers, may you let yourself watch them both come and go, sensing no flaw in contradiction... --Marc)

I am both kinds of athiest (nastika and nirisvara). So, in that sense, I am not religious.

Theravedas do not believe in any conversion ceremony unless you are going to be a monk. I have no intention of becoming a monk, as Buddha taught about six-directional duties of a man, and he himself confirmed that thousands of people attained Nirvana while being in a family (was it to Batsagotta? My memory eludes me).

And I am not sure I deserve your compliments. I drink occasionally (intoxicating drinks were forbidden by the Buddha), and I keep eating meat and fish.

I reached the conclusion of absolute nothingness and human beings being not more than complex biological machines with Science only, and no Buddhism.

I started with Buddhism to figure out what to do with the knowledge.

So far, I am very glad, and I am finding what I was looking for and beyond.

I was completely blown away by the ehipassika (come and see) philosophy, lack of blind faith, and the inherent logical structure of Buddha's teaching.

I remain deeply impressed by the same.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#140

Post by nogbit »

I did the following, and seeing others who did not I don’t know how they manage when older.

Have kids, while you are young. Your body will be able to do all the fun things along side them without worry about a bad back or something else.

Don’t worry about career progression, worry instead about adding value to yourself that transcends (think education, various employment and domain knowledge in various industries).

Have work life balance, which maybe means working at places (think public services or health care) so you can spend time doing the things you enjoy, which very well may be moonlighting on tech that is 100% your IP (to each their own)

Get a house, they never get cheaper overtime.

Then when you are in your mid 40’s and your kids are moving out you can quickly catch up in no time at all, because remember, you have been building skills and a network that are now in bat shit crazy demand.

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