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Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#121

Post by cannabis_sam »

hughrr wrote: post #32
scionthefly wrote: post #17

In your 30s, if you are waiting to have kids for various reasons, you really need to stop delaying. Your probability of successfully having kids goes down every year, and by your early 40s your options for medical help if you have infertility stop being available because even those interventions lose effectiveness. If you want kids, just have the kids. You're not going to care that you were being responsible and wait…

This. I had kids in my early 20s. It’s great because I still have a connection with them even though two are adults. Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird.

> Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird.

They are, in every quantitative and qualitative measure, far more well-adjusted than the poor children, like yours, who had no choice but to grow up with literal children as parents.

(Or maybe we shouldn’t generalize like this…?)

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#122

Post by leonroy »

deathanatos wrote: post #95
version_five wrote: post #3

I'm in my early 40s, I can't really think of anything, maybe because it's too close to realize what mistakes I might have made, and I don't really believe in that kind of retrospection generally. FWIW, if you are in a position where you could potentially start a family (and want to some day), consider doing it in your early 30s (or earlier), there are a lot of things that get tougher as you get older. I don't regret…

> if you are in a position where you could potentially start a family I'm in my 30s, and this seems to be the trickiest part that people older than me — sorry — seem to want to just pave over. House prices are bananas. Trump, COVID, Russia have erased years of investment gains. Student loans are a constant tax on my finances (that I'm almost free of… …soon…). Wage growth has been stagnant (my career has seen ~4.7% Yo…

I feel this living in London and seeing my parents having achieved a measure of success at a younger age far greater than my own. But not every country has seen this level of affluence for the generation before ours and indeed not every race.

Minorities in the US in particular might argue otherwise about whether the previous few decades were better than the current ones.

Whenever I feel tempted to look at the past with rose tinted glasses I only have to look at infant mortality rates which were horrifically high in even affluent countries like the US: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6487507/figure/...

We are indeed in troubling times, but the Cold War wasn't so long ago and I recall a commentator speaking about how they'd read the newspaper each morning with a knot in their stomach, wondering if a nuclear mishap had occurred somewhere in the world.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#124

Post by scionthefly »

deathanatos wrote: post #95
version_five wrote: post #3

I'm in my early 40s, I can't really think of anything, maybe because it's too close to realize what mistakes I might have made, and I don't really believe in that kind of retrospection generally. FWIW, if you are in a position where you could potentially start a family (and want to some day), consider doing it in your early 30s (or earlier), there are a lot of things that get tougher as you get older. I don't regret…

> if you are in a position where you could potentially start a family I'm in my 30s, and this seems to be the trickiest part that people older than me — sorry — seem to want to just pave over. House prices are bananas. Trump, COVID, Russia have erased years of investment gains. Student loans are a constant tax on my finances (that I'm almost free of… …soon…). Wage growth has been stagnant (my career has seen ~4.7% Yo…

Here's what I would tell my 35 year old self.

If you try to get financially better off, in seven years you'll probably be only slightly better off if at all, and you won't have kids. At that point you probably can't.

If you have kids at 35, you may very well go bankrupt. It will be off your credit in seven years, and you'll have a seven year old.

The second option will be happier (if you want kids).

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#125

Post by hughrr »

cannabis_sam wrote: post #121
hughrr wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This. I had kids in my early 20s. It’s great because I still have a connection with them even though two are adults. Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird.

> Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird. They are, in every quantitative and qualitative measure, far more well-adjusted than the poor children, like yours, who had no choice but to grow up with literal children as parents. (Or maybe we shouldn’t generalize like this…?)

No please do. You’re on the mark there. I was waiting for someone to make this point.

The weirdness comes from the social disparity and disconnectedness from peers their own age due to different social attitudes from parents.

The generalisation comes from the observation that older parents tend to lead to less progressive attitudes.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#126

Post by rg111 »

themodelplumber wrote: post #120
rg111 wrote: post #113

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That makes sense. But, Buddhism is anti-faith. You are supposed to experiment and verify. Want to read a very short book? Try "What The Buddha Taught" by Walpola Rahula. No BS, carefully explained guide to Buddha's own teachings. If you limit yourself to Buddha's own teachings, there are little to no contradictions.

You lost me at > Buddhism is This is where beliefs usually cross into no-true-(scotsman)-believer, or worse, victim-blaming. You see? This is because _I_ misunderstood. The way it _really_ works is... I studied all kinds of dichotomies in buddhism, from Batchelor to Nichiren etc. and spent hundreds of hours studying and writing about buddhism in general. I even baptized many lifelong buddhists into the home brand of…

Whoa, my bad.

You clearly know more than me about Buddhism.

For me, I limit myself to Theraveda Buddhism and especially to Buddha's teachings only.

Long before I grew an interest on Buddhism, I realized that very few people actually understand great people and their teachings. Normal people dilute, misunderstand, and misinterpret what great people taught and communicated.

Years before I started studying about Buddhism, I always read original sources- Russoe, Voltaire, Tagore, Smith, Lenin, Bose, and so on.

My understanding stood correct. Very few of the people who talk about great people actually undestand them.

So, when I started with Buddhism, I told myself that I will limit myself to Buddha's direct teachings only. It's not that I will not touch Great Vehicle stuff, but I will never go deep into it. But reading never hurts. Tibetan Buddhism is interesting, colorful, and exotic. But not for me!

There are people who understand the great people that came before them- but filtering them out is a lengthy and tiring process.

But I remain genuinely interested to study deep into Dingnaga and Nagarjuna, and their philosophy ajd works.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#127

Post by anemoiac »

hughrr wrote: post #125
cannabis_sam wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird. They are, in every quantitative and qualitative measure, far more well-adjusted than the poor children, like yours, who had no choice but to grow up with literal children as parents. (Or maybe we shouldn’t generalize like this…?)

No please do. You’re on the mark there. I was waiting for someone to make this point. The weirdness comes from the social disparity and disconnectedness from peers their own age due to different social attitudes from parents. The generalisation comes from the observation that older parents tend to lead to less progressive attitudes.

Are these assumptions based on your personal experience? I ask because mine has been completely different than what you describe.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#128

Post by forum_ghost »

everybodyknows wrote: post #58
strikelaserclaw wrote: post #2

take care of your health, it is the #1 resource you own.

If you suspect you might have an undiagnosed chronic health problem, assume you do indeed, and make getting to the bottom of it Lifetime Project #1.

Also assume doctors won't care, won't do any homework for you, and will do the absolute bare minimum possible: nothing.

It's all on you.

Any statement or conclusion from a physician is not necessarily a fact, but only an opinion of some random person you may never see again, and may have been the worst student in their class.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#130

Post by themodelplumber »

rg111 wrote: post #126
themodelplumber wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You lost me at > Buddhism is This is where beliefs usually cross into no-true-(scotsman)-believer, or worse, victim-blaming. You see? This is because _I_ misunderstood. The way it _really_ works is... I studied all kinds of dichotomies in buddhism, from Batchelor to Nichiren etc. and spent hundreds of hours studying and writing about buddhism in general. I even baptized many lifelong buddhists into the home brand of…

Whoa, my bad. You clearly know more than me about Buddhism. For me, I limit myself to Theraveda Buddhism and especially to Buddha's teachings only. Long before I grew an interest on Buddhism, I realized that very few people actually understand great people and their teachings. Normal people dilute, misunderstand, and misinterpret what great people taught and communicated. Years before I started studying about Buddhis…

Ah, you have a PURSe, a Personally-Understood Religious Structure. My compliments on the way you've sorted your awarenesses into something that works for you.

(And, when you have listeners, co-believers, or followers, may you let yourself watch them both come and go, sensing no flaw in contradiction... --Marc)

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