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Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

dontasktoask.com

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Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#351

Post by lamontcg »

Also don't use "Hey Team" as a lead-in when doing this.

I've seen "Hey Team, " probably a thousand times now in slack channels at work to the point where it drives me completely nuts and is the best way to make me ignore you. If I'm not actually on your team where we have daily standups then unfortunately this tickles the same neurons that I have which reacts negatively to employer cheerleading nonsense about how we're all a "family" or whatever, along with reading like trolling to want to waste someone's time.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#352

Post by mmis1000 »

antattack wrote: post #281
IceMetalPunk wrote: post #122

Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were going to end up doing a…

I say just 'Hello', if I suspect that asking my question outright, would get me delayed attention.

I generally outright ignore people only saying 'hello' because it is mostly crypto spams these days if you actually reply.

I think it is better to just say it, or be ready to be ignored if the other end just don't know who are you.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#353

Post by yamazakiwi »

robbrown451 wrote: post #146

I often will say "you there?" or "you busy?" This means I don't have a single question, it means I want to have a synchronous conversation. There are lots of reasons for the latter. This is what I would prefer people do with me as well, and if I am busy, I feel like I can ignore the message until I have a few minutes to talk (often with voice/phone) I say this as someone working from home, thousands of miles from mos…

These are my 2 least favorite ways of being reached.

"Are you there?" This phrase makes me feel like I'm being accused of not being available if I don't reply and I find it rude and inconsiderate of other's time.

You busy? Of course I am...?

I would leave both of these on unread until the end of time.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#354

Post by mLuby »

JimDabell wrote: post #86
tablespoon wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It is silly and quite time wasting online too, but it's what they need to feel comfortable asking you questions... No necessarily. Asking "Any Java experts around?" takes little effort, while formulating a question for a Java expert could take significant effort. A "no" response for the first question could save everyone from wasting their time with the second.

> A "no" response for the first question could save everyone from wasting their time with the second. That “no” is never going to happen though. Every individual might know that they aren’t a Java expert, but they don’t know that every other individual is also not an expert. So there is nobody in a position to answer “no”.

I appreciate when people react with a "no" emoji so I know they read the question and I should try elsewhere.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#355

Post by benhurmarcel »

laurent92 wrote: post #243
Pooge wrote: post #158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Bonus points if the greeting is included in the same message as the inquiry, so as to not be notified multiple times for the same thing.

Isn’t it a bug of the chat app, notifying someone for each message despite having a UX which incentivizes sending a message each time you type Enter?

I wish chat apps (or mobile OSes) could skip the notification if that same contact has gotten one in the previous seconds.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#356

Post by RhysU »

ravenstine wrote: post #227
VBprogrammer wrote: post #190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Slightly more annoying is someone who you do not know giving you a "Hey, how are you doing?". Try, "Hey Bob, this is Alice, I work on the QA team in Dublin. I'm looking at an issue I think you might be able to help me with http://jira.yourcorp.org/browse/ORDERS-1234 . Would you have a minute to discuss this?"

I loathe phatic expressions in general, but yeah, over chat with someone you don't know is about as bad as it gets. It would be great if people actually meant the question, but they almost never do.

It's fun to assume people mean the question and to occasionally answer it openly and sincerely. You'll make some unexpected friends.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#357

Post by Bancakes »

88913527 wrote: post #339
bluefirebrand wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or, you could just ask the question and not shift the burden of this onto me.

I agree with you, but if you find yourself feeling burdened, perhaps there's a genuine opportunity for introspection: why are you feeling burdened? You don't owe them anything, they're asking you for your time. You're doing them the favor; you're under no obligation. Feeling burdened seems self-imposed. It can be sometimes easier to shift your own perspective than it is to change the behavior of others.

Because humans have not adapted to online, emotionless, body language-less chat, and it's cumbersome and unnecessary to emulate this behavior. It's burdening the same way I have to smile and say thanks to the pizza delivery guy instead of slamming the door in his face.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#358

Post by Pxtl »

forbiddenvoid wrote: post #349
Pooge wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes! I'm with you there. I didn't see it much in IM services, but Reddit is a pro in terms of "Let me post the screenshot of the Tweet instead of linking to it".

Twitter itself is a pro at this. So many times someone just posts a screenshot of a tweet instead of, you know, sub-retweet or replying to the tweet itself.

So many users habitually delete tweets, or block people who quote-tweet them, or have mobs of fans that will harass people talking about them, that screenshot-tweeting has become a reasonable workaround to problems with quote-tweets.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#359

Post by warent »

dinkleberg wrote: post #325
warent wrote: post #311

These things always come across as people being surprised humans aren't just super smart chat bots. Who cares if a friendly greeting adds 2 minutes

It isn’t just 2 minutes. I’ll have people ping me “Hi” and I could be busy on calls for a few hours and they won’t have added any context in the interval. I reply “Hey, what’s up?” and by the time I respond they are busy and take a few hours to respond with their ask. If they had the ask in the initial message I could’ve had the answer in my first response. There is nothing wrong with pleasantries. Nobody is saying t…

Hmm this is fair, I was thinking about saying "hi" before the ask being the problem. But the problem is really making it a blocking factor in the communication. People should definitely proceed after "hi" even without a response

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#360

Post by timwis »

This sort of attitude always made me feel like an outsider and a newb in communities. Looking back, it seems it’s just a pet peeve that has the consequence of raising the barrier to entry. There are just way more constructive and welcoming ways to say this stuff…
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