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Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

dontasktoask.com

221–230 of 391 posts

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#221

Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were going to end up doing a…

Just because the chat app shows that you are logged in, it does not mean that you are immediately available to chat. If I want to leave a message for someone with a response accepted at their convenience, then I send an email. If I reach out via chat, it's because I expect a realtime exchange. Again, because the little green dot appears next to user's name does not mean they are not deep in the tall grass and readily…

"Just because the chat app shows that you are logged in, it does not mean that you are immediately available to chat."

It's 2022, chat app statuses are more sophisticated than just "online/offline" indicators. It will tell you if I'm busy, if I'm in a call, if I'm presenting, if I've been AFK, etc. If I'm online and none of those statuses are true, I can probably engage now.

"If I want to leave a message for someone with a response accepted at their convenience, then I send an email. If I reach out via chat, it's because I expect a realtime exchange. Again, because the little green dot appears next to user's name does not mean they are not deep in the tall grass and readily available to chat."

Saying "hello" before asking a question doesn't somehow increase the chances that I will be more available. You can ask what you need in the first message, and if I can't respond despite my chat status, I will get to it when I can, at which point we can have the realtime discussion. You don't get a realtime exchange by saying "hello" and then waiting for an answer.

"To me, chat is just like walking up to someone at the cubicle to have a conversation."

Except it's not. There is a distinct difference in the mode of communication here. You wouldn't walk up to someone's desk, hand them a letter, and then leave, but that's exactly what you can do with a chat. While chat is more real-time than email, it is still a written record and it's slower than an actual conversation; as a result, it comes with its own set of pros and cons that facilitate things differently.

"If I walk up to someone and notice they are deep in it, I don't bother them. Chat doesn't allow for that kind of signaling, so a "got a sec?" isn't a wast of time as it allows for them to not reply indicating "no" without stopping to type "no"."

Again, it does signal that, with status icons. And even if my status is green but I happen to still be busy for some reason, a chat notification is a chat notification. Saying "hello" is as much an intrusion as saying "hello, I have this problem with , can you help me?" -- except if you just say "hello", then I have to respond and then wait more time for a second intrusive notification to find out what you need.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#222
yeshello.net

Thank you for making me feel happy about something I never realized I had. None of the people I interact with regularly would get even minimally annoyed by getting a hello in their inbox.

I can only imagine how hellish your existence may be when you have to deal with people that are so finicky to the point that they even made a website to tell others how they may start conversations with them. What a big PITA to have them close to you ...

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#223

Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were going to end up doing a…

Pet peeves are anxieties that haven't been properly dealt with yet. I'd encourage folks to mute the notifications at the OS level and habitually check your chat app as an alternative. The key cause is often the notifications themselves and some are more sensitive to them than others.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#224

As much as I think this should just be common sense, when I see this URL in someone's status message/bio on a work messaging platform, it strikes me as condescending and unprofessional.

I could see that but only if the bio might be read by paying customers of your company. Internally, encouraging people to use their and your time more productively seems like a good idea.. excessive deference in the workplace is communication blocker.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#225

Either one is fine. I wish that people messaging me "hello" and their inquiry together vs separately were one of my top 500 problems.

I've been fascinated by just how passionately enraged the people who do have a problem with this seem to be whenever it comes up on here. I've stopped doing it out of deference to them (it literally never occurred to me that it could possibly bother anybody), but there are people who seem to go into monitor-smashing rages when it happens.

[deleted]

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#226
People are so grumpy. If you don't want notifications turn them off. If I approach you in person I don't say hi and spill out a paragraph. So saying hello to start a conversation is a low friction way to have a conversation in the same we humans do in real life.

edit: Are people really so unfriendly and impersonable that a simple hello is considered offensive? For the same reason I disable most mobile apps notifications on my phone, you can do same with instant messaging. Stop blaming other people's personalities.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#227

Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were going to end up doing a…

Slightly more annoying is someone who you do not know giving you a "Hey, how are you doing?". Try, "Hey Bob, this is Alice, I work on the QA team in Dublin. I'm looking at an issue I think you might be able to help me with http://jira.yourcorp.org/browse/ORDERS-1234 . Would you have a minute to discuss this?"

I loathe phatic expressions in general, but yeah, over chat with someone you don't know is about as bad as it gets. It would be great if people actually meant the question, but they almost never do.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#228
I completley disagree with this. It depends on the person you are talking to. If this is a support chat or you are dealing with someone who is only there to take questions then yes... just state your question.

In every other scenario, when someone says hello, greet them back. Exchange small talk if you must. That is just basic human pleasentries which for some reason is not allowed when you're using a keyboard? It's politeness, don't be an ass about someone hitting you up on slack with a greeting. You are a person like any other not a support robot.

Chat rooms made for support with a "no hello" rule should be designated at work or for a n open source project when technical requests and discussions happen.

PM/DMs should have the same etiquette as a person walking up to your cubicle or office. They will knock/greet first. They won't just show up and start blurting out code snippets and urls.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#230
My company is new to messaging, only getting teams fully set up two months in to lockdown/WFH v1.

People still write messages like this...

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Hello ,

Thanks,

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I know who its to and from, its a two way chatting application... it bogles the mind sometimes.

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