(I am also guessing this is less of an issue when you're not trying to coordinate across timezones)
Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)
161–170 of 391 posts
Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)
#162On the other hand, if any one has the time to share this, they have time to say "Hey, what's up?". For a site about improving communication, it has a surprisingly irritating and condescending tone.
Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)
#163It is just part of a human-centric session initiation protocol. A major reason people do it is to query presence-at-keyboard before continuing. Maybe the matter is time sensitive, maybe they don't want to disclose something immediately without setting context, finding something out first, whatever.
The goal here--and I think a better way to present it than just trying to say "don't say hello" or trying to point out that someone else is being rude (which is a subjective way of analyzing things that I think people should avoid without empathy)--is in some sense to teach people what asynchronous communication means and how to achieve it, as I honestly don't want to and kind of can't have synchronous communication with anyone whom I don't really really really care about at the level of "a close personal friend or loved one" (and then if you find that rude, I guess you will have to deal with synchronously talking to someone else, at best my assistant, as I just really don't have time to synchronously talk with random people; but that's the problem: I know "hi; you there?" is a trap to try to make me feel bad for not staying synchronous once you pounce on my answer later).
Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)
#164I don’t think people do this because they want to be polite. The ‘hello’ is basically the start of what is the human equivalent of the TCP three way handshake. - Hello (SYN) > Hi (ACK) - How are you doing ? (SYN, ACK) Basically, they are trying to set up a synchronous channel over what is essentially an asynchronous medium. This is even more annoying than just slowing down the answer, they are demanding your undivide…
It's a bit like going up to someone in the office and saying "Hi", they reply "What's up" and then the first person just stares at you...
Somehow I always fall for it when really I should just go off and make a cup of tea.
Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)
#165Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were going to end up doing a…
Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)
#166I am the original author of the document this document was based on. It was an internal Wiki page at Google written when I was an SRE. After I wrote the original page, someone put up an internal shortlink at "go/nohello". After I left Google, someone took the Wiki page content and [illegally, since it was Google confidential, simply from being on the internal Wiki], and put it up on the net at "nohello.com".
Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)
#167Same thing also on the front page rn: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30639225
Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)
#168Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm the 'engineer' side of the equation. But often I need async interaction with various others. So I just combine it all in one message: Hey, Jo! I just have a quick question for when you have a moment: And leave it. I'll ping Jo again at a time interval depending on urgency - sometime this sprint? I'll remind about the message in a couple days. Need it today? I indicate that when I ask, and about 4hrs later I'll po…
This is my pet peeve. You don't have a quick question. If you did, you'd just ask it. By asking to ask, you've doubled my required response effort. Please just ask questions. Pinging someone about a mysterious question that you'll reveal later is annoying. It certainly doesn't go on my list of things to do re: "Sometime later this sprint be sure to get back to that person who won't tell me what they want from me". It…
Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)
#169As much as I think this should just be common sense, when I see this URL in someone's status message/bio on a work messaging platform, it strikes me as condescending and unprofessional.
What are your thoughts on individuals publishing READMEs on how best to interact with them? Similar sort of thing or sufficiently different?
Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)
#170I often will say "you there?" or "you busy?" This means I don't have a single question, it means I want to have a synchronous conversation. There are lots of reasons for the latter. This is what I would prefer people do with me as well, and if I am busy, I feel like I can ignore the message until I have a few minutes to talk (often with voice/phone) I say this as someone working from home, thousands of miles from mos…