Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Why are young people having so little sex? (2018)

theatlantic.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

291–300 of 320 posts

Re: Why are young people having so little sex? (2018)

#291

Post by bradlys »

dragonwriter wrote: post #290
bradlys wrote: post #253

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Wait, how is that even mathematically possible? Most people are heterosexual and there is roughly the same number of men and women. Men:women are born at 107:100. There are about 7% more men than women in the world at birth. This only evens out by age 40 . This is due to suicide rates among men being wildly higher. Most men and women are monogamous - but many people date. A few men sleep with many women. Many men n…

> Men:women are born at 107:100 107:100 is either the high end of the range or outside of the range, depending on which estimate you look at. 105:100 seems to be closer to mid-range. [0] > This only evens out by age 40. Globally, it's actually closer to 50. [1] In particular countries this varies a lot from the global average, and, yes, the US is around 40. [2] > This is due to suicide rates among men being wildly hi…

I’m comparing US. Not global. Since the article is about the US.

Research into “accidental deaths” a bit more. You’ll find it’s not that “accidental.” A lot of things get ruled as an accidental deaths when they’re not. This is due to the US trying to save face. Work in the military enough and you’ll see what I mean.

And yes - seems closer to 105:100. Just ignore under age 5 age count if you’re bothered by increased infant mortality. You’ll find it’s still 105:100…

Re: Why are young people having so little sex? (2018)

#292

Post by bigodbiel »

hiran88 wrote: post #9

From my perspective and direct experience, it’s widespread porn use, which has extremely detrimental effects on your dopamine system, which leads to something you might term ‘lack of charisma, confidence and vital energy’, which leads to less people having sex due to confidence/charisma issues and lack of any drive. By my experience and observation, porn is really bad for oneself, and it’s really addicting. I’m a mil…

What is worse than porn addiction is an active social stigma against those standing up against it. Subs like r/noporn have received a lot of criticism for their views and associations (usually religious orgs).

What is rarely talked about is that a lot of porn consumption is done by married men, which leads one to think that the problem is not changing morale norms amongst the youth, but in fact porn itself, better yet: instant access to free algorithmically formulated dopamine stimulation.

Re: Why are young people having so little sex? (2018)

#293

Post by error_code99 »

giantg2 wrote: post #74
hiran88 wrote: post #9

From my perspective and direct experience, it’s widespread porn use, which has extremely detrimental effects on your dopamine system, which leads to something you might term ‘lack of charisma, confidence and vital energy’, which leads to less people having sex due to confidence/charisma issues and lack of any drive. By my experience and observation, porn is really bad for oneself, and it’s really addicting. I’m a mil…

My lack of drive in life comes from the disillusionment of the idea that life is a meritocracy. Get screwed over enough and eventually you realize it's all BS.

No post body was provided.

Re: Why are young people having so little sex? (2018)

#294

Post by error_code99 »

swat535 wrote: post #277
karmakurtisaani wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To me the original comment came off as frustrated and possibly anxious about the "rules" of dating and I tried to respond to that. Maybe i missed the mark.

Why is seeking dating advice for men is frowned upon ? Women do it all the time and quickly learn the intricacies of dating at a young age. Friendship and courtship are two different beasts and I bet women would like to be able to go on great dates with men who know have at least done a minimum of research in this area. Sure, there are many snake oil dating "gurus" out there but I think many men could genuinely benef…

> Women do it all the time and quickly learn the intricacies of dating at a young age. Friendship and courtship are two different beasts and I bet women would like to be able to go on great dates with men who know have at least done a minimum of research in this area.

Women also have those intricacies thrust upon them, and often at a young age.

Most of the reasonably attractive girls I've known, as friends or more than friends, have been getting creeped on since they were like 12. I can think of at least one girl who got pregnant in 8th grade.

For women it's more of a survival strategy, while for dudes it's more of a hunting strategy.

> Sure, there are many snake oil dating "gurus" out there but I think many men could genuinely benefit from _some_ form of this.

In theory I'm okay with this, dudes could use a lesson or two, but in practice as you said there are a lot of snake oil types, and the culture that comes with it is often toxic as fuck. I used to bartend in college and a lil bit after and I saw some shady behavior come out of what were clearly PUA bros. Plus I don't want any well spoken, put together, respectful competition.

Re: Why are young people having so little sex? (2018)

#295

Post by error_code99 »

ChicagoBoy11 wrote: post #44

ITT: Folks quickly contributing their "definite reason" of why this is happening which is also covered in incredible detail and with tons of nuance in the article. Seriously, read the article, it's good.

Yeah it's not great. They made a lot of good "could be this" points, but nothing to really back it up.

Kinda like Freud, enough kernels of truth to be kinda accurate in certain situations, but nothing that would stand up to any real scientific rigor.

Re: Why are young people having so little sex? (2018)

#296

Post by noduerme »

halo37253 wrote: post #31
noduerme wrote: post #4

Lack of eye contact. That's what I see among both sexes under the age of 30. Almost to the level of autism. An inability to have basic conversation. And the boys are totally ineffectual and terrified of trying to kiss a girl; it's been made faux pas to show any inclination. It's hard enough as a teenager to get up the courage to kiss a girl. Imagine if you think there's a 50/50 chance she'll completely destroy your l…

[flagged]

I don't know why this post should've been flagged. It's a valid viewpoint and a reasonable explanation.

FWIW the idea of jerking off while your SO hangs out smoking weed and playing a video game is ...pretty alien and crazy to me. But I've been in mostly very long relationships and I do understand the ennui.

Re: Why are young people having so little sex? (2018)

#297

Post by captainredbeard »

Auracle wrote: post #149
11101010001100 wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How many kids do you have?

I know someone - a relative of my wife - with 3 young kids that has sex (more or less) daily. She wasn’t bragging when she told me. To be fair, she has a smoking body. The other half, not so much. My wife and I just have one 4 month old but we’re making an effort to have sex the days that we can. It’s not easy with a kid at this age! We maybe get one nap in the evening. After the baby goes to bed my wife usually need…

Exactly! This is a personal preference thing but I don't think folks realize how often some of us _have to_ make love to maintain sanity. They are often quickies due to the kids but we both strive to make it happen because we like it so much.

Re: Why are young people having so little sex? (2018)

#298

Post by captainredbeard »

halo37253 wrote: post #114
captainredbeard wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> We make it work and have sex a few times every month That’s not very much at all. Some of us are daily+ kind of people (and yes we have hard jobs that make a lot of money, too). Hope your wife is satisfied with this arrangement.

Having Sex more than once a week 15 years into a relationship with 3 kids running around is not alot? I bed to differ. I think for most that would be more than they are currently do. Having sex daily is a young couple fantasy, and really at this point just waiting time. Time is the one thing we dont have. If Im not feelin it, and the wife isn't feeling it. I'm not going to force it. And If I want it, and she dont. Ru…

> If Im not feelin it, and the wife isn't feeling it. I'm not going to force it

That is a good approach. I'm just saying that my "feeling it" is daily+, and I've been married to the same woman for over 10 years now. Libido varies.

This isn't a judgement on your frequency, just contributing to the conversation so people have an accurate idea of sexuality distribution.

Re: Why are young people having so little sex? (2018)

#299

Post by paulnpace »

spywaregorilla wrote: post #216
paulnpace wrote: post #211

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Sperm count dropping is caused by obesity It may be the obesity decreases sperm count, but sperm count is dropping in people who are not obese. More than a decade ago there were reports on studies where the authors made simple extrapolations that sperm count would be zero by 2050, but these simple extrapolations are holding true in today's trends.

I searched for a source to credibly defend that statement and have found none. I'm open to being shown otherwise. Some studies will bin people by BMI or some metric but fail to do any analysis on whether people aren't fatter within the bins. E.g. if the bell curve shifts right, the average weight of people within the slimmest band will still be heavier than before; even if the maximum BMI/weight is still capped at th…

The observation that sperm count is dropping and your claim that obesity reduces sperm count is not an explanation. You have made a positive claim that the observation in broad drop in sperm count is due to obesity.

Now present your evidence.

Re: Why are young people having so little sex? (2018)

#300

Post by bmarquez »

javert wrote: post #208
bmarquez wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having gone to private Christian schools when I was younger (in suburban America but not quite rural), I'm going to offer the anecdote that religious people are just as sexual as non-religious people. They just won't admit to it openly or on surveys.

I'm sorry, but there are tons of young people from religious or conservative families who wait until marriage to have sex and marry young, and/or don't begin their sexual exploration until well into college. Your anecdotal point notwithstanding. All human beings are equally sexual in terms of their drive and interest, but religion can and does alter psychology and behavior. There are places where religion is common b…

> I'm sorry, but there are tons of young people from religious or conservative families who wait until marriage to have sex and marry young

The parent poster implied that people were highly bound by their religion; I simply offered a counterexample. I am not saying that abstinence until marriage never happens.

> and/or don't begin their sexual exploration until well into college

This is not relevant since the teaching is abstinence until marriage, not abstinence until college.

Post reply on HN