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Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

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Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#181

Post by kwhitefoot »

watwut wrote: post #96
Underphil wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My only advice to new parents is to largely ignore other parents' advice. Except mine, and only in this one instance.

Meh. Advice I got from other parents or on parenting forums were those actually most likely to work. What does not work is advice from "parenting experts" or doctor talking about non medicine etc. And of course advice people trade on forums non parenting forums (like HN) - too much of it is from people who don't interact with kids actually.

Quoted parenting experts are perhaps no use but actual experts are.

My mother was advised by the late great Hugh Jolly, a genuine expert.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#182

Post by jefftk »

asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #2

Great if it works for you, but for those who are dealing with babies, I wouldn't beat myself up if this advice doesn't apply. The parenting advice world is chock full of people who found something that worked for them and who then made the unwarranted conclusion that it is universal truth. For example, their techniques that "always work" definitely do not always work. Maybe they always worked for their particular bab…

Especially since the author has twins, and it's really easy to think you have two independent samples when you really have two very similar ones (in both genetics and shared environment)

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#183

Post by progre »

definitelyhuman wrote: post #176
indemnity wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We thought we were terrible no good parents with our first child, who is a little bit more on the sensitive and emotional side, with quite a bit of anxiety also. None of the advice from anyone worked, friends, family, parents, siblings, internet. Still not the easiest child at 5, but easier. Second child arrived, mentally prepared for the same challenges… and what a textbook kid, three years on. Super chill, knocked…

It’s amazing how much pressure first time parents can put on themselves. The number of expectations is insane and impossible, and makes an already stressful situation worse. Our first was difficult as well and advice never really applied. As a baby heavy metal actually worked well, which horrified my mother - but it’s all about finding something that works to calm them. Great closing sentiment, so I’ll paraphrase: it…

That Seth Rogen film "Knocked up" got it right:

Katherine Heigl: But I had a plan!

Ken Jeong: Baby don't care!

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#184

Post by mastersummoner »

learc83 wrote: post #178
Quiark wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I think it'd resent it taking me away from spending time on the topics that legitimately interest me oh, this one is kinda easy to prepare for: just forget about having time for this at all in the first couple of months. First 3 months you're not doing anything but caring for the baby, deal with that. Well, ok, you may have time to watch youtube or other videos while feeding or so. Around 1 year old, the kid can be…

It’s not really that bad for every baby. I have a 4 month old, and I’ve managed to get a few chapters of a technical book I’m writing and illustrating done during the last month on paternity leave. After a month or so he started mostly sleeping at night with 2 or 3 feedings needed. Then during the day he started napping for 1-2 hour stretches.

Just want to add: you're lucky to have four months paternity, at least if you're in the US. Many companies provide far, far less, if any at all.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#185

Post by rp3 »

daleharvey wrote: post #130
rp3 wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did this author even read the papers she cites? > In the first camp — the randomized trial camp — we have one very large-scale study from Belarus. Known as the PROBIT trial, it was run in the 1990s and continued to follow up as the children aged. And then later > The researchers analyzed the impacts of breastfeeding on allergies and asthma; on cavities; and on height, blood pressure, weight and various measures of ob…

> Infants in the treatment group — who, remember, were more likely to be breastfed — had fewer gastrointestinal infections (read: less diarrhea) and were less likely to experience eczema and other rashes. However, there were no significant differences in any of the other outcomes considered. These include: respiratory infections, ear infections, croup, wheezing and infant mortality. Apparently so, did you read the po…

The author made it seem like breastfeeding had no impact, but rather they just cherry-picked the conditions to look for from the study, making no mention of things that were impacted.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#186

Post by GordonS »

asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #2

Great if it works for you, but for those who are dealing with babies, I wouldn't beat myself up if this advice doesn't apply. The parenting advice world is chock full of people who found something that worked for them and who then made the unwarranted conclusion that it is universal truth. For example, their techniques that "always work" definitely do not always work. Maybe they always worked for their particular bab…

If being a parent taught me anything, it's to trust my instincts - go with your gut, as the parent(s) you understand your baby better than any other parents, friends or healthcare workers.

It's a long story, but we could have saved our family a lot of grief if we knew that from the start - but of course, as first time parents it's not easy to trust your guy.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#187

Post by learc83 »

mastersummoner wrote: post #184
learc83 wrote: post #178

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s not really that bad for every baby. I have a 4 month old, and I’ve managed to get a few chapters of a technical book I’m writing and illustrating done during the last month on paternity leave. After a month or so he started mostly sleeping at night with 2 or 3 feedings needed. Then during the day he started napping for 1-2 hour stretches.

Just want to add: you're lucky to have four months paternity, at least if you're in the US. Many companies provide far, far less, if any at all.

Sorry I wasn’t clear. I got 6 weeks of paternity leave. I just didn’t take it until my wife finished her 12 weeks of (unpaid) maternity leave.

Still super lucky to have that!

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#188

Post by GordonS »

MrsPeaches wrote: post #141
basisword wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your opinion may shift naturally. I’ve started noticing as I get older that, despite my career, social life, finances etc being better than some close friends with kids - they are much happier. Even the people who’ve struggled financially because of it. The joy of a child, the constant challenge of raising it, and the constant change as it grows, seem to provide much more happiness than I can get from doing the “new…

> The joy of a child This is such a cliche that it almost meaningless but the JOY of a child is just insane. To have some around who is almost always happy to see you (and super pissed when you go away), initially at least, is just wonderful to be around. To me at least parenting is one of the most complete human experiences. It's joyous and terrifying, exciting and mundane, just all of the things at once. It's not f…

> the JOY of a child is just insane

It really is, and you just cannot understand it until you become a parent yourself. I used to roll my eyes when friends said that, but it's true.

This'll probably sound really cheesy, but sometimes I look at my kids and it feels like my heart will burst with the love I feel for them.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#189

Post by tomrod »

definitelyhuman wrote: post #176
indemnity wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We thought we were terrible no good parents with our first child, who is a little bit more on the sensitive and emotional side, with quite a bit of anxiety also. None of the advice from anyone worked, friends, family, parents, siblings, internet. Still not the easiest child at 5, but easier. Second child arrived, mentally prepared for the same challenges… and what a textbook kid, three years on. Super chill, knocked…

It’s amazing how much pressure first time parents can put on themselves. The number of expectations is insane and impossible, and makes an already stressful situation worse. Our first was difficult as well and advice never really applied. As a baby heavy metal actually worked well, which horrified my mother - but it’s all about finding something that works to calm them. Great closing sentiment, so I’ll paraphrase: it…

Hear hear.

I give one piece of advice, heavily caveated, that running a vacuum cleaner helped calm my newborns when we brought them home from the hospital (advice from nurses line when our oldest was inconsolable at 4 days old). I then follow up that everyone parent is going to have advice that worked for them and their baby, and it can be tiring to hear but typically comes from a place of love. The parent-to-be will figure out what works for them. Reach out for help, they aren't alone, and so on.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#190

Post by tomrod »

GordonS wrote: post #188
MrsPeaches wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The joy of a child This is such a cliche that it almost meaningless but the JOY of a child is just insane. To have some around who is almost always happy to see you (and super pissed when you go away), initially at least, is just wonderful to be around. To me at least parenting is one of the most complete human experiences. It's joyous and terrifying, exciting and mundane, just all of the things at once. It's not f…

> the JOY of a child is just insane It really is, and you just cannot understand it until you become a parent yourself. I used to roll my eyes when friends said that, but it's true. This'll probably sound really cheesy, but sometimes I look at my kids and it feels like my heart will burst with the love I feel for them.

Parent here, with teenagers.

I wouldn't say it's impossible to understand. Imagine having a dog or other pet that you love ridiculously. Then one day the pet starts talking, reading, doing math homework instead of chewing your shoes as often.

It's a wild ride.

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