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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

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Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#351

Post by kixiQu »

vorpalhex wrote: post #305
eatbitseveryday wrote: post #280

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hm interesting. I’ve actually gotten these types of messages before, and now they seem strange. My replies were enthusiastic but did not lead to anymore than a shallow interaction, so I felt it was a waste of my time. Perhaps my cynical view, but I don’t want to be used for someone else’s need to feel like they’re connecting with someone when they’re not interested in more than a hello and hope you’re well. Those are…

Sometimes shallow interactions are fine. Like bread in your diet, there's nothing wrong with it so long as it isn't the only interaction. It's an opportunity for engagement. Sometimes nobody wants to take the opportunity but it's valuable to have. If you want it to be more engaging, make it so. Ask questions in return, share good responses. "How are you?" can be answered in one word or several paragraphs.

Yeah, but it sucks when someone reaches out, you go for the paragraphs, and then you get a sentence or two back. You can try and make it engaging, but that doesn't mean both parties are looking to be engaged.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#352

Post by dorkwood »

notreallyserio wrote: post #211

The biggest reason I don't maintain contact with people from my past is I was a much worse person in my past and I'm either embarrassed about my behavior or concerned that my shittiness is what led to our relationship in the first place. In any case, I find it's easier (and emotionally satisfying) to stay in touch with a couple people that I can have natural, unforced conversations with. Scheduling interactions on a…

> The biggest reason I don't maintain contact with people from my past is I was a much worse person in my past and I'm either embarrassed about my behavior or concerned that my shittiness is what led to our relationship in the first place.

I feel the same. In fact, I intentionally avoid interacting with people from my past since they may have bad memories involving me that I'd be resurfacing by contacting them. I've considered reaching out to certain people to apologize, but I stopped when I realized I was mostly just looking for absolution rather than actually trying to make them feel better. To me, the kindest thing I can do is stay out of their lives.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#353

Post by runjake »

sivers wrote: post #331

(I'm the guy he refers to in that post.) If anyone reading this builds software like this, and releases it publicly, whether free or for sale, please let me know. I'd be happy to send people your way. Because of https://sive.rs/dbt I get a few emails a week from strangers, asking if my software is public yet, or if not, what else I would recommend. (And I might never make my software public. It's too tied-in to my no…

Glad to see you back -- at least for a couple comments, Derek!

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#354

Post by Fire-Dragon-DoL »

notreallyserio wrote: post #211

The biggest reason I don't maintain contact with people from my past is I was a much worse person in my past and I'm either embarrassed about my behavior or concerned that my shittiness is what led to our relationship in the first place. In any case, I find it's easier (and emotionally satisfying) to stay in touch with a couple people that I can have natural, unforced conversations with. Scheduling interactions on a…

I'm on the same boat,however one things I learned with my kids is that you can apologize for what you feel embarrassed about.

I've resumed chatting with some people this way (even though they didn't feel there was a need)

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#355

Post by throwaway2037 »

Jeff_Brown wrote: post #313
travisporter wrote: post #255

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I dunno, I am very bad on the phone and an introvert but I found that even after a few years I have people who are genuinely happy to speak with me. I forced myself to call one of them last week and reconnected. Not my best friend but feels good

The forcing is weird, right? Why in the world does it take so much work to reach out to someone? The obvious explanation would be fear of rejection. Another story you could tell is fear of connection due to opportunity cost -- what if, among all the people you could connect with, this one isn't a great choice but will end up consuming a lot of your time? But I think it's probably the first.

You wrote: >

No, forcing isn't weird if you have an introverted personality. I work with many people who have a strongly introverted personality. (I am a mixed bag!) They have taught me lots of social skills about how to interactive with people who have a different type of personality.

I am happy that the GP made the effort to make contact with "old friends". I hope the other side understood it was a big leap for you and made a good effort to be a friendly contact. I with GP luck in their effort to maintain contact while being an introverted person!

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#356

Post by awiesenhofer »

Jeff_Brown wrote: post #316
bgroat wrote: post #216

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Every couple of days I scroll through my text history to the bottom and see if there's anyone there I'd like to talk to. I call it "The Poor Man's CRM"

I like this. I'd like it a ton if I had a single feed that would aggregate my texts, whatsapp, my various email addresses, telegram, signal, skype, zoom, facebook messenger ...

One can only dream, but some kind of Adium/Trillian for social media would be amazing.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#357

Post by throwaway2037 »

atrus wrote: post #344
weka wrote: post #334

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah this works great until you realize you're the one _always_ initiating and they say "Wow thanks for getting in touch" and you don't talk to them for another 3 years.

Sure, but that just all it is though, a short two second message exchange. Everyone feels good for a bit, and that's that. What's the downside?

This feels like the friend/emotional equivalent of a "Help Vampire" -- someone at work who is constantly asking for help. A /very/ distant friend/contact who is pinging you once every 1/2/6/12 months (thank you crontab!) are doing nothing other than "keeping a contact list"... while sucking blood from your neck. If they are an extrovert and you are a introvert, the exchange is not zero sum!

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#358

Post by ttyprintk »

notreallyserio wrote: post #211

The biggest reason I don't maintain contact with people from my past is I was a much worse person in my past and I'm either embarrassed about my behavior or concerned that my shittiness is what led to our relationship in the first place. In any case, I find it's easier (and emotionally satisfying) to stay in touch with a couple people that I can have natural, unforced conversations with. Scheduling interactions on a…

Valid points, but this post is about organizing communication for professional development. The author mentions referrals and interesting code. Consider a professor and past grad students.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#359

Post by christiangenco »

sivers wrote: post #331

(I'm the guy he refers to in that post.) If anyone reading this builds software like this, and releases it publicly, whether free or for sale, please let me know. I'd be happy to send people your way. Because of https://sive.rs/dbt I get a few emails a week from strangers, asking if my software is public yet, or if not, what else I would recommend. (And I might never make my software public. It's too tied-in to my no…

Hi Derek!

My implementation of your system is just a bunch of markdown files. The title of the file is a friend's name, the frontmatter at the top keeps info about them that doesn't change too often (ex: birthday, address, kids names), and each time I chat with them I add a section with an H1 title that's the date we chatted (ex: "# 2022-02-14\n"). My notes about the chat go under that heading.

Based off of that structure I can do a bunch of cool things with simple scripts:

- print out a list of upcoming birthdays, half birthdays, birthdays on Jupiter, etc. of all my friends - print out a list of friends I haven't contacted within my desired `frequency` (the subject of this post) - create or open the friend file containing a particular name from the command line (ex: `,people Sarah` prints out all the Sarah files I have and asks me which I'd like to open)

I think plain text is the way to go with something as personal as a system for keeping track of your friends. I was inspired to go this route by your post on journaling[1]:

> If digital, use only plain text. It’s a standard format not owned by any company. It will be readable in 50 years on devices we haven’t even imagined yet. Don’t use formats that can only be read by one program, because that program won’t be around in 50 years. Don’t use the cloud, unless you’re also going to download it weekly and back it up in plain text outside that cloud. (Companies shut down. Clouds disappear. Think long-term.)

I've been chewing on how to make this system something that might be used by other people who don't know how to use the command line. Something like the way Obsidian[2] works might make sense.

1. https://sive.rs/dj

2. https://obsidian.md/

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#360

Post by PhantomBKB »

When I was in school, I'd get home and call at least 2-3 friends on a daily basis on the landline, just to chat or ask what all homeworks we were supposed to do for the next day. We lost touch after we graduated and went our separate ways. But what I miss the most from those times was how interconnected our lives were. We'd hang out together all the time in school, then come home and talk on the telephone. After exams, we'd meet up at someone's house for a sleepover, play video games and gossip about school all night long.

I have tried implementing a similar lifestyle with my new friends as I grew older, but it just didn't work. I realized then, that the kind of bond we shared was a rarity and others had not had such an experience. I barely call anyone now. And more importantly, I feel uncomfortable calling people. Like I'm disturbing them. However, back in school days it was the telephoning that made us the great friends we were because we got to have 1 on 1 conversations with each other very often.

In recent times, texting has destroyed the telephoning culture. I absolutely detest texting, but all of my peers are doing it. I wish times were a little simpler.

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