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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#701

Post by drran »

meristohm wrote: post #671
drran wrote: post #540

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you're only biking on the road I wouldn't get that, only slows you down. They will make you feel like you are moving slower, but my bicycle computer shows that I move faster. Moreover, wheels follows ground more precisely, which reduces risk of losing contact with ground. I'm crossing road bumps at full speed, while sitting and continuing pedaling. > Not sure if you're serious... I'm serious for both recommendin…

I hear you, and acknowledge the strong opinions around Helen’ helmets while bicycling. I usually wear a helmet (I’m in the USA), and for slow trips on known routes sometimes I skip it. If I lived in the Netherlands (or anywhere with a robust bike-commute culture) I might never wear a helmet, because I’m not so fast anymore and I’d be doing known routes at moderate speed. I lean towards wearing helmets, and support we…

Helmets, and other protective equipment, works, so it may help you to survive many kinds of incidents: road incident, train wreck, fall from sky, etc. There is no doubt.

However, cycling to work is the safest mean of transportation per km traveled.

Nobody will force me to do downhill on a bike without full gear on, because I can fall, puncture my artery, and then bleed out in 2 minutes. One of my earliest memories is: I'm laying on the ground on my back and watching as my bike flying over me, like in slo-mo.

However, I see no sense to wear a helmet when doing one of the safest routine on this planet. I had two road accidents (I hit another cyclist, I hit a safety pole with handlebar when a car in front of me suddenly closed the path for me) and a dozen near-misses while biking in about 40 years. I had much more near-misses in the city (dozens) when walking.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#702

Post by qgin »

There are so many answers here to the effect of “Stop right now, find an acceptable partner, get married, have kids, everything else is meaningless.”

From all the long-term (7+ years) couples I know well enough to know if they are actually happy or not, it’s the minority that are happy. Stats don’t suggest I’ve got an unusual sample.

And I’ve heard time and again from parents of older children (when they leave home, or even they become teenagers) that much of the feelings of uselessness or directionlessness return.

This isn’t to discount any of the joy or happiness anyone here is experiencing. The opposite, really. I’m jealous of you. I want to have what you have and I’m pursuing it the best I can. But I pursue it knowing that marriage is just a shot at happiness, not a guarantee or probably even a likelihood. And I’m pursuing it knowing that raising children is a beautiful source of meaning, but it is a season.

It’s a worthy goal. But I’m having trouble squaring the black and white portrayal here with what I’ve seen and experienced.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#703

Post by doktorhladnjak »

hermitcrab wrote: post #600
unobatbayar wrote: post #559

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But cycling doesn't cut it, right? Especially when you do it daily, you build some kind of immunity. Can't even sweat from cycling. Of course, it depends on duration and probably weather. I guess winter affected my experience. Running is way better for me.

Running can be hard on the joints though. A mix of different exercize is best, if you can manage it. Both for health and to keep it interesting. I do running, cycling, swimming and kick boxing (less swimming during COVID).

There's really no evidence that running is hard on your joints, as long as you avoid serious injuries. If anything, studies have shown that those who run regularly have better mobility in old age.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#704

Post by prodent »

drran wrote: post #401
tomerbd wrote: post #231

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Which bike did you buy?

Buy a bike with matching frame for your height, with good double suspension, e.g. with front and rear RockShox or better, and raise the handlebar to a comfortable height. Your back will thank you. Install all safety systems: front and rear bike lights, mirror, reflectors, use helmet, reflectors, wear reflective jacket, etc. You must be visible at the road at all times. (I use no helmet, because I'm trained to fall pr…

Do you ever take your bike off any sweet jumps?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#705

Post by alea_iacta_est »

kuhzaam wrote: post #632
alea_iacta_est wrote: post #491

At 35, it's not an uncommon feeling, some call it a mid-life crisis. The reason imo is it's an age when we start feeling our body is getting old, the feeling of "immortality" of our 20s is gone, we realize the clock is ticking. Add to that what happens those last 2 years, the isolation, especially if you're single, and so of course it's a hard period for you. Personally, the way I dealt with it, was through reading e…

Any particular books you’d recommend to someone uninitiated to buddhism/stoicism?

Here you go:

For stoicism:

- "Enchiridion" of Epictetus. - "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius (my personal favorite that I keep reading over and over). - "Letters from a stoic" from Seneca.

It's not a lot of authors but they're pretty dense and should keep you busy for a long time.

For buddhism, it's a very vast subject, but I'd start with:

- "Siddhartha", this is a novel but will give you an overview on the buddhist system of thoughts. It's also very well written and inspiring.

- "What the Buddha Taught", also an introductory book on buddhist toughts. - Another introductory book is "Buddhism for Beginners".

From there, and based on your interests that you will discover along the way, go into the "suttas" which are the religious texts. You may even want to go to a time before buddhism with the vedas and the Upanishads that have so much to teach us.

There are many schools of buddhism, some closer to what we'd call a religion in the west while others purely philosophical (without any emphasis on a god). Zen buddhism is yet another category, where the teaching is based almost entirely on mediation alone but it's the exception, even if in the west we often think buddhism = meditation, but it's not so.

So, as you can see, it's more a tree than a line and you'll figure it out as you go if it resonnates with you and how deep you want to go.

Enjoy!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#706

Post by mrkentutbabi »

jacquesm wrote: post #422
mrkentutbabi wrote: post #155

Never thought I’d think people would consider themselves a failure despite having $500k savings lol.

A reminder: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30179483

In what way this is a flamebait?

I really don’t understand.

Edit: ok I get it, my comments aren’t substantive enough.

I won’t post anymore.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#707

Post by MalamuteDog »

Find contentment in what you have and not in what you want. What you want is not true, a falsehood, quite often when we actively seek out our fantasies they fail to live up to our expectations, ergo it is the thought of something that appeals to us not the thing itself. Real fulfilment is serendipitous and you are only partly have agency in that. If you go though life stressing about what you have not the possibility for misery is as endless as your imagination. Look for the beauty in what you have, a morning sunrise while out jogging, a house, a quiet morning on your own terms, look for moments of peace in what you experience look for the tao and love it. You have been to festivals in your 20s, there's nothing else for you to learn there, it's made you wiser and to continue to act like you are 20 will just be an empty form of masterbation. Oh and get a dog, possibly a malamute and walk it twice a day, it's all you need really, the rest is details.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#708

Post by Malamute »

Find contentment in what you have and not in what you want.

What you want is not true, a falsehood, quite often when we actively seek out our fantasies they fail to live up to our expectations, ergo it is the thought of something that appeals to us not the thing itself.

Real fulfilment is serendipitous and you are only partly have agency in that.

If you go though life stressing about what you have not the possibility for misery is as endless as your imagination.

Look for the beauty in what you have, a morning sunrise while out jogging, a house, a quiet morning on your own terms, look for moments of peace in what you experience look for the tao and love it.

You have been to festivals in your 20s, there's nothing else for you to learn there, it's made you wiser and to continue to act like you are 20 will just be an empty form of masterbation.

Oh and get a dog, possibly a malamute and walk it twice a day, it's all you need really, the rest is details.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#710

Post by csdvrx »

sillysaurusx wrote: post #692
csdvrx wrote: post #626

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Then you find a new manager, in a different team maybe, who aligns with your values and respect your strengths. There are many different types of people in any company. It takes 2 to tango, and I'm sure one of these managers will be delighted to find someone just like them! As for punctuality, there are many people who are punctual but couldn't code their way out of paperback, let alone fight they way out of a soakin…

As someone who is at least reasonably productive and competent, who suffers from a medical condition that forces me to live in the reality you say is trivial, let me assure you that if you could switch places with me for one year, you wouldn’t write this. The inaccuracies are so overwhelming that it’s hard to correct it, and there’s also no point in having that conversation with someone who believes these things so s…

> suffers from a medical condition that forces me to live in the reality you say is trivial

LOL

You know nothing about me! A meeting before 11a has about 20% chances I will attend, tops. And even if, by chance, I happen to be there, I won't have much to contribute before my 2nd redbull.

Yet, somehow, I've found a way to make it work, by focusing on my strengths and what I can bring to the table, and moving myself to the right environment.

So I'm telling you, your perspectives limit you. Several people also have tried to tell you. But it seems you want to ignore that, maybe in a desire to be in the right because the alternative might be threatening to your self identity/the wisdom of your past decisions?

It may seem harsh for me to tell that, but some people like to double down on their errors, as (re)claiming agency can be frightening at first.

Well, whatever, if you are like that, and it works for you, why not?

> By the way, sign up at http://www.hnreplies.com/ and you never have to worry about missing replies, or use karma as a reply indicator.

I'm way too lazy for that :) It kinda works this way (unless when I forget what the karma was at the day before, oopsies), and HN is not important enough to me to make it worth being distracted by email/push notifications.

Maybe one day dang or someone will add a colored notification, a bit like reddit?

That I could use!

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