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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#691

Post by elzbardico »

tomerbd wrote: post #231
elzbardico wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Plus one in health and physical fitness. Buying a bicycle and using it daily was probably the best investment I ever made in myself. Also, I can't believe that I smoked those filthy cigarretes for so long, but how good is that I stopped this habit. About material realizations please remind that the average successful enterpreneur age is about 45. I only started being able to save serious, retirement-style money when…

Which bike did you buy?

A simple one from Oggi, nothing too fancy. disk breaks, 29" wheels, front suspension. but it doesn't matter. The single most important thing is having an adequate bike seat for your anatomy and an aluminum frame which is not too heavy. The expensive stuff gets important if you're a competitive person.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#692

Post by sillysaurusx »

csdvrx wrote: post #626
sillysaurusx wrote: post #435

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How do you do that when your manager always considers you an unreliable risk? I think you're dramatically underestimating how much it matters to be punctual in the vast majority of companies, regardless of whether your code output is reliable.

Then you find a new manager, in a different team maybe, who aligns with your values and respect your strengths. There are many different types of people in any company. It takes 2 to tango, and I'm sure one of these managers will be delighted to find someone just like them! As for punctuality, there are many people who are punctual but couldn't code their way out of paperback, let alone fight they way out of a soakin…

As someone who is at least reasonably productive and competent, who suffers from a medical condition that forces me to live in the reality you say is trivial, let me assure you that if you could switch places with me for one year, you wouldn’t write this. The inaccuracies are so overwhelming that it’s hard to correct it, and there’s also no point in having that conversation with someone who believes these things so strongly.

By the way, sign up at http://www.hnreplies.com/ and you never have to worry about missing replies, or use karma as a reply indicator.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#693

Post by 62951413 »

alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

There's no question that family is what is missing from your life. A grown man needs a family to take care of. And yes, it's a direct contradiction to what has been discussed on this very forum re:divorce. And no, I cannot suggest any magic solution to the question of finding a sane woman who you'd be madly in love with.

The good new is that 35 is far from the end for a man. I'd say you have five to ten years while you are still at the peak. Make sure to look for a woman a few years younger though.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#694

Post by arisAlexis »

Trasmatta wrote: post #445
datavirtue wrote: post #405

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you don't have kids you are missing a fundamental understanding of what is driving most people each and every day. You are clueless about most of the world because most people have kids and it profoundly affects them. You can't know this unless you experience it yourself. It's also difficult to understand what you are getting into by having kids. It brings on a profound level of anxiety about their feelings and ul…

> If you reach a certain age and are still childless just know that nearly everyone will feel sorry for you I legitimately do not care if people "feel sorry for me". I have good reasons for choosing not to have kids, and I hate the attitude that I'm somehow selfish or missing out on the "true meaning of life". Life is ultimately meaningless with or without kids. That allows you to make your own meaning, and kids are…

Its in the code. If many people thought like you our species would be extinct. The people that have this software version is the majority and any argument you make will not alter the code. Their code includes convincing others to make kids.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#695

Post by rowanajmarshall »

bosie wrote: post #620
speedcoder wrote: post #486

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes. Get whatever bike fits you. And I love my Tern [1] foldable bicycle. It folds into a bag which I can take anywhere in my car or on the bus or train and bike when I get there. [1] https://www.ternbicycles.com/us/bikes

Funny, I have been looking at Tern too (as well as Riese & Müller). Do you use it in the city as well? Which one do you have? How often do you really fold it up?

Alternatively, I've got a Brompton and I love the thing to bits. It folds in 30 seconds or less, small enough to put under a table at a coffee shop. They're incredibly well-built, and parts are easy to find. You can even get electric conversion kits.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#696

Post by franczesko »

bladegash wrote: post #189
alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

Yep, concur with this - having children and a family gave me a sense of fulfillment and purpose that has never really diminished. Won’t say every day is amazing or life is any less difficult. However, there is definitely something to be said for living your life for others instead of your own enjoyment.

I felt exactly the same as OP described. Once I became a dad (not that long ago), I felt that a missing piece of a puzzle finally fell in its place.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#697

Post by drran »

dahart wrote: post #669
drran wrote: post #640

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Biking to work is not a skydiving. See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35MHUtvIpP8

Obviously. I’m saying that your soviet paratrooper roll training isn’t going to save your head in a bike crash, I know because I’ve done a whole lot of both. Biking to work is the place where you’re most likely to be hit by a car, and thus not be able to roll and not be protected by a backpack. Hey I’m not telling you what to do, only pointing out that assuming you have control over physics in an accident is a pretty…

I see no breakdown of incident number by years of experience in your papers.

Newbies are like toddlers, so they will fall more often and will skew the statistic. Nobody says that walking is a dangerous activity, just because toddlers are falling multiple times per day.

Still, cycling is the safest mode of transportation per km, so, if you want to improve safety significantly, convince drivers and pedestrians to wear helmets first. Cyclist will follow.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#698

Post by altcognito »

bredren wrote: post #534
altcognito wrote: post #413

Earlier quoted context omitted.

He's not underplaying it. He is telling him to have perspective. Life has been pretty good to OP, at least as he portrays it. OP is not wrong. Time is running out . His best physical years are behind him. On the plus side he has deep experience. He probably has seen quite a bit. Maybe his feeling of having seen everything is justified. Existential dread is a bit of a thing, but it comes for the successful and the tru…

> His best physical years are behind him. They could be. Or it could depend on OP. Tom Brady has more Super Bowl Trophies and MVP selections from __after__ he was 37. There are plenty of athletic sports where being young does not offer easy superiority.

So, I really did bounce back and forth on putting a qualifying "his best days are likely behind him". In an absolute sense, you will never have as many fitness "opportunity" as you did when you were 16-35. Speaking as an older dude who exercises a lot: Enjoy working out way, way harder than you should at a young age and getting away with it because your body is like a superhero with its recovery rate.

I didn't mean anything beyond pure athleticism. Sport is another matter.

Physically, it's much more tricky to train and become an at an older age. But I'll agree that for some folks, you can be a better version of yourself at earlier ages -- it is just dependent on what type of athlete you were then, and much permanent damage your body has sustained over the years.

I ran sub 17 5k at 18 years old. Will my tendons and knees support the kind of workload that is required to attempt that again?

One day, your body will fail. Even Tom Brady knows father time always, always wins. You have to choose your battles and figure out where you want to spend your time.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#699

Post by operatingthetan »

unobatbayar wrote: post #559
elzbardico wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Plus one in health and physical fitness. Buying a bicycle and using it daily was probably the best investment I ever made in myself. Also, I can't believe that I smoked those filthy cigarretes for so long, but how good is that I stopped this habit. About material realizations please remind that the average successful enterpreneur age is about 45. I only started being able to save serious, retirement-style money when…

But cycling doesn't cut it, right? Especially when you do it daily, you build some kind of immunity. Can't even sweat from cycling. Of course, it depends on duration and probably weather. I guess winter affected my experience. Running is way better for me.

The air moving around your body causes the sweat to dissipate, unless you are only going like 10mph, you are definitely sweating.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#700

Post by Aidevah »

drzaiusapelord wrote: post #618
Aidevah wrote: post #598

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Also 35 isn't 65. This is the prime age for most business people, artists, writers, etc. This is typically a professional and creative peak that lasts, at least, another decade or so. A person this age often has the drive and vitality of youth but the wisdom of someone older. Its no wonder so many great works are created by people around this age. The age of 35 does represents an important milestone for many artists…

Those are all pre-modern people before the invention of vaccines and antibiotics and who had terrible health and suffered by now preventable childhood diseases. Their 35 is not our 35. Shakespeare, I believe, wrote about joint pain, aging, and losing his memory and mind at 35, which is not typical of a modern 35 year old. Substance abuse and artistry go hand in hand and a lot of these artists were addicts and drunks…

I do not deny the existence of creative peaks after 35, which is of course not a rarity (just look up Elliott Carter for a truly awe-inspiring example). What I mean to say is that there seems to be a certain (mental? physiognomical? spiritual?) obstacle at 35 which affects all artists but especially those who relied on their precocity or talent which was more abundant in their early years. Those who cruised through their youth using the gifts they were born with are faced with a difficult decision in their 30s: they can either accept the decline in the rate and quality of their works or shift to methods which requires much more effort. Of course, not all artists were prodigies and they are not equally affected by this obstacle.

I don't know how sickness affects creativity, although quality of health has never seemed to be a disqualifying factor for the production of great works. Thomas Mann of course utilised this as his central idea in The Magic Mountain. The sickness of Schubert, Chopin and Beethoven does not see to have negatively impacted their creativity; Schubert seems even more sublime when he realised death was near, and Beethoven's deafness hasn't affected the quality of his late works.

The case of Shakespeare is peculiar in itself. If you read all his plays in sequence of composition, you would notice a certain weariness that becomes gradually apparent. Coriolanus, Timon of Athens and Troilus and Cressida contain an undisguised bitterness which is largely absent in the earlier tragedies (although you can glimpse a hint of it in Anthony and Cleopatra). The late romances, Winter's Tale and The Tempest, are of course unusually heavy in their subject matter. Harold Bloom interprets this as a certain melancholy in Shakespeare which made him weary of the theatre business altogether, which certain explains his early retirement. The health complaints in his 30s doesn't square with the fact that most of his greatest works were still to come at that stage.

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