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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#491

Post by alea_iacta_est »

At 35, it's not an uncommon feeling, some call it a mid-life crisis.

The reason imo is it's an age when we start feeling our body is getting old, the feeling of "immortality" of our 20s is gone, we realize the clock is ticking.

Add to that what happens those last 2 years, the isolation, especially if you're single, and so of course it's a hard period for you.

Personally, the way I dealt with it, was through reading everything I could find about philosophy, particularly stoicism and buddhism. It helped me a lot, taught me how those feelings are unavoidable at times, how the mind create that pain and how to make it more easily manageable.

But there's no secret weapon, no magic cure, life is painful at time, and things get better by themselves as long as we don't add to it by feeling guity or thinking "it's not fair". Some realization takes time, so be patient and gentle to yourself, one day at a time.

Good luck friend.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#492

Post by Borrible »

I started my IT career at your age. In my twenties, I worked as a nurse in trauma intensive care. Saw some ugly stuff.

Do the world, which took about 3.5 billion years to spawn you, a favor for a few months:

https://hospicefoundation.org/Volunteer

Gives a whole new perspective.

But if not, gallows humor is more pleasant anyway.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRHN5vxnZrI

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#493

Post by alvah »

datavirtue wrote: post #362
tayo42 wrote: post #335

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Where are you getting 10% guaranteed a year?

Just about any index fund.

You must be very young. Just about any index fund would have returned ~0% pa from mid 2000 to mid 2013, i.e. not very long ago.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#494

Post by dasil003 »

joconde wrote: post #360
Drakim wrote: post #310

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not sure I agree with those ways of thinking about introvert and extrovert. It's not simply if whether you like hanging out with others or prefer being alone. You don't flip from being extrovert to introvert just because you have a time in your life where you prefer to be alone. Extroverts don't become introverts while grieving the death of a loved one. It has to do with whether hanging out with others drains or…

> You don't flip from being extrovert to introvert just because you have a time in your life where you prefer to be alone. Extroverts don't become introverts while grieving the death of a loved one. These are hypotheses that I wouldn't rely on to give advice. It could discourage someone who is dissatisfied with themselves from trying to change. Who says it's impossible? Your personal experience, or observing people a…

I believe GP is talking about the definition of the word, not commenting on human limitations.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#495

Post by wnolens »

elzbardico wrote: post #165
hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

Plus one in health and physical fitness. Buying a bicycle and using it daily was probably the best investment I ever made in myself. Also, I can't believe that I smoked those filthy cigarretes for so long, but how good is that I stopped this habit. About material realizations please remind that the average successful enterpreneur age is about 45. I only started being able to save serious, retirement-style money when…

Biking is a pillar of my mental health.

It instantly transports me to feeling 10 years old again, when I lived in a state of joy and acted on intuition.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#497

Post by Zhyl »

strictfp wrote: post #77
mikewarot wrote: post #41

I'm 58. Everything IS an different iteration of the same thing. Generally, if intelligent adults are involved, there are likely to be some useful new things in the new iteration, small improvements. On rare occasion, there are massive changes that only become apparent later. (Like when transistors first appeared, they wore out, like tubes, but slower... germanium was replaced by silicon, and lifetimes tended towards…

Quoted post unavailable.

To make it more general:

"Find your hobby, or try things until it finds you. You will probably be surprised by what you find gratifying and it will almost certainly be oddly specific."

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#498

Post by callesgg »

The human mind needs goals, you are without a goal (or you are ignoring your goal) so you feel life is empty.

Think hard and deep; are there things on this planet that you would like to achieve? Family, work, travel, home, inventions, helping others?

Write it down, and start to think about how to reach that goal. When you have some steps that would take you closer to your goal take those steps.

My personal take is that you are programed to wanting kids, so that should be a goal for most people.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#499

Post by mfashby »

urban_strike wrote: post #225
dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

> I have a hard time to see any relevance in a life without children anymore. In my view, having kids is a great way to take off the existential pressure of life being meaningless, by just having a default "do it for them" answer to every single question or hardship in life. And what then will give your child's life such a straightforward meaning? Well, just have kids of their own I guess, and their kids the same, al…

It definitely does give you a default answer to keep going. And I don't think thats a terrible thing.

I was lucky to have a great childhood. Becoming a parent is one route to giving someone else a great childhood. Lots of humans derive a feeling of meaning from giving good things to other humans, whatever form that might take. Parenthood isn't the only way to do this, of course.

Also, eventually one generation might figure it all out. We can only keep going and find out!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#500

Post by husamia »

hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

+ Health + Travel + find something that wakes you up in morning and work on it
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