Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

I hear you, and acknowledge the strong opinions around Helen’ helmets while bicycling. I usually wear a helmet (I’m in the USA), and for slow trips on known routes sometimes I skip it. If I lived in the Netherlands (or anywhere with a robust bike-commute culture) I might never wear a helmet, because I’m not so fast anymore and I’d be doing known routes at moderate speed.

I lean towards wearing helmets, and support wearing them in cars (I don’t do that yet because of social stigma, though maybe I’ll work up the gumption now that I think about it).

That's really impressive. What's the code? Something like that sounds like it could be a really inspirational success story.

If you let that feeling in for a bit, can you figure out why you feel like you're wasting your time? Is it inefficiency or just plain waste?

I felt this way about Diablo 3 for a bit, at some point I thought "I could've learned 3 languages by now instead of this". Turns out I still like gaming, but yeah, I really do also want to do other things with my time. So no more grindy stuff, I'll game, but more the stuff I can play for 30 minutes and stop, or alternatively some RPG/single player game that I can play for 40 hours over a few weeks to get my fill, and then move on.

Loneliness has several parts - spiritual, sexual, belonging, tactile, conversational, etc. Some take a lot of work to address, but others might have a straightforward fix:

1. Dancing classes might solve the tactile aspect. Dancing requires a lot of face time during the class, and even more practice time between classes to really get the most out of it. If you're physically fit you might enjoy lindy-hop, for example: https://youtu.be/e62p_K4-Cvc?t=24

2. Likewise contact sports, e.g. martial arts. For example judo and greco-roman wrestling both are tactile. https://youtu.be/PVJoN9MCw_E?t=28

3. Groups sports might help with belonging, esp outdoor sports where masks are not an issue. Beach volleyball, for example. Not the professional type, but the casual one where people drink beer after a game. https://youtu.be/Kx7GlMXVZAM?t=163

4. Conversations are hard to enjoy with a mask, so maybe move to a red state. If your situation is dire, it might require dire measures. I heard North Carolina is great like this - a friend recently moved there for this reason (among many). [no video :)]

Do you feel like any of this is helping? Often times I get a seemingly great advice which I can't follow, so how is this for you?

Agreed on the spirituality. I have felt similarly unhappy as the original poster & some others on the thread. Stuck in corporate unfulfilling tech job. 2 years ago, I was able to break free (happy to share if folks are curious to hear).

This advice has worked for me, it could work for you:

(1) Health: actively prioritize good sleep, learn to cook some mediterranean dishes (easy, tasty, exotic, healthy, good as leftovers). Make lots, and share with people. Cook the same dishes a bunch of times until its muscle memory, then try something new. If you are into weed - smoking a J, putting on fun music, turning the lights down & doing some cooking / meal prep - seriously, one of the most fun activities, and so helpful.

(2) Fitness: yoga (google "sun salutations" - 10 min & you're good), 1000% embrace #bikeLife (great exercise, dramatically helps unwind the mind, it's a hobby you can do for most of your life, lots of mechanical fiddling), and wear a helmet 100% of the time. Try a social racquet sport (squash when its cold, pickleball when warm). Squash is my #1 favorite, recommended sport. Easy to learn, low impact, tons of cardio (1000+ kcal burned / hr), tons of fun, great community, internationally played, & you can play it until you're old. Pay for 5 lessons. It's worth whatever money it costs.

(3) Spirituality. Check into Buddhism. It's a highly practical way to think about & live your life & purpose. I strongly suggest this book (its a quick read, uses plain speech / low jargon, highly actionable throughout the day). It does a great job of explaining how happiness works (I want to say "mentally mechanically"), wanting/shoulding, being observant & intentional of emotion-thought-word-action chains. It's had a huge positive impact on my own sense of worth, relationships with people around me, the feeling of life purpose - good stuff. This is the book:

Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness: Walking the Buddha's Path (Meditation in Plain English) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0861711769/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_Cah...

(4) Music. Learn to play an instrument. Check out piano. It's WAY easier than you think it is. You already know computer keyboard shortcuts & combos. Same thing works in piano. Youtube Search for "4 chord song axis of awesome". You can learn that exact song in an afternoon, and you have that skill - and ability to express- all those songs for life. When there is any decision in your life that involves a music option, lean into it.

Hang out with healthy & interesting old people - do what they do, ask their advice.

I asked my grandmother of 95 years - still healthy of mind - "What get's you up in the morning each day?". Without missing a beat, she said "Music." She plays piano, sings, dances (wiggles these days). It makes her soul alive, and brings joy to the people around her.

To put that Thought into Action, I bought a little MIDI keyboard, plugs into computer or ipad. Garageband makes it so easy. I can't believe I had that app on my Mac for 15+ years and never thought to seriously play around with it. Making fun hilarious synth songs are dead simple, and tons of fun - especially with a friend, partner, etc. I went from "there is no way I can play a musical instrument, I have to just accept this in my life & move on." to being able to sit down at a piano in any bar, and slam out some fun honky tonk / blues. In 3 months. Music can seriously be used as a mental health tool. When I am feeling down, I can now "procrastinate" on the piano for 15 min as a reward. I try to play the most ridiculous epic concert to myself (so many dumbass epic Spinal Tap style solos). After that, I can feel that the "cloudy soul" / clenched chest anxious feeling is replaced with an enlivened soul vibe. All this to say, I'm now convinced that music is the key to this life. Seriously consider checking it out. If you know anyone who plays an instrument, ask them "could you show me how to do the easiest cool thing?" This is never a chore to a musician, and usually makes their whole day. Get lessons with a real person - a true performer, the best you can find. A couple hours of their time would be GOLD.

Finally: Listen to Earl Nightengale, and find a way to play the album on shuffle every morning (you can use an Alexa Routine to shuffle play the Spotify playlist). Earl Nightengale's advice has been the #1 thing that helped me shift from an unfulfilling life to a life I am actually excited to wake up to.

https://open.spotify.com/track/5tTvGc18CCgyDrye65PAGP?si=Z7x...

I can say from experience in my own life, that the advice works. Best of luck on the journey.