Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

First and foremost, the constant feeling that time is running out is just the effect of a big marketing machine built to make you vulnerable to their suggestions. Life isn't a race, and certainly not a race for money and things.

At 35 you are not even close to old, and even when you do become 'old' there will still be plenty of time for new things, excitement and fulfillment. It will just look different than when you were 20, and that's a good thing. Most 20 year olds are shallow and certainly not 'fulfilled' in any meaningful way. That's why they spend so much time escaping to festivals, bars and clubs.

Feeling stuck, behind or in the doldrums is normal from time to time. It's a sign that you need a change. If you're single and with half a mil in the bank at 35, you're one of the very very lucky few. You aren't living paycheck-to-paycheck and no-one's dependent so you absolutely have the luxury of time, lots of it!

You can afford to change things up, make some mistakes, and figure it out. Start with a focus on your health: both body and mind. Then you'll naturally get a better perspective on the other aspects of your life, and how to change them for the better.

My life as I currently know it didn't even start until everything I had built fell apart around 40. Since then I've had 2 kids and third on the way, a couple of exciting career changes, built things with my hands, learned entirely new skills, navigated disasters. Just one example - I learned to ski at 40, and over the next few years trying to keep up with my wife I managed to learn enough to be able to do some of the most challenging and beautiful runs in the Rockies.

To be honest I feel younger (at-heart) than when I was 30 and playing by the rules, living for the weekends. There are so many ways you can find fulfillment in life beyond socializing in entertainment venues.

I'm nearing the 50 mark and expect the next decade to be just as full as the last. I probably won't be skiing many double-black diamonds, but you bet I'll be following my kids to the top of the mountain even if it's to wave at them and take the easier way down. I can't even imagine the adventures that face us.

I'm sure you have no idea what's ahead for you, either. Just don't let it be another night on the couch in front of a screen. Look forward.

One way towards spiritual health is to find wonder in things beyond my control, and for me that is primarily looking at the moon and stars, augmented by walls in the woods and noticing phenology—-what animals are active when, noticing frost on the ground, posting attention to the wind direction by feel, things like this. I don’t ascribe any meaning to any of this, just immerse myself in the observation practice.

Not sure if it helps, but I can tell you what I would personally do if I was in your exact situation.

I would live cheaply, I would exercise and train and buy the requisite gear, and then at the next opportunity I would go hike the PCT.

I really want to do it, but with “settling down” on the horizon it looks unlikely that I’ll ever be able to do so.

Maybe you wouldn’t say “hike the PCT” but perhaps you can put yourself in my shoes for a moment and think - what would I regret not being able to do assuming I am settling down 5 or 10 years from now?

If I hadn’t already done so, my answer would have been “backpack around the world.”

I’m sure there are lots of big experiences you could devote some time to, that would in themselves give you the opportunity to gain clarity on what you want.

Obviously. I’m saying that your soviet paratrooper roll training isn’t going to save your head in a bike crash, I know because I’ve done a whole lot of both. Biking to work is the place where you’re most likely to be hit by a car, and thus not be able to roll and not be protected by a backpack.

Hey I’m not telling you what to do, only pointing out that assuming you have control over physics in an accident is a pretty bad assumption, and that telling new riders that a few falls prepares them for non-helmet riding is dangerous advice because it’s not true.

I don’t know where you live, but we all know the Netherlands is famous for having some of the best bike infrastructure in the world, and also for low helmet use. Still, the chances of TBI in an accident in the Netherlands is 2x higher without a helmet than with. https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/neur.2020.0010

In the US, helmet efficacy has been demonstrated repeatedly. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29677686/

You do you, I’m just saying from my perspective, and from actual experience, the single best thing I can do to prevent a serious debilitating bike injury is wear a helmet. It’s by no stretch of the imagination the only thing I can do, and I like some of your other advice you gave. I just think if you care about slippery surfaces enough to lower your seat, or care about cars enough to wear a reflective vest, a helmet sure seems like a good idea.