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Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#191

Post by throwaway19937 »

jawns wrote: post #41

I'm a lifelong teetotaler. Back in college, I would go to house parties and bars and do everything that everyone else was doing; the only difference is that I would have a Coke in my hand instead of a Rum & Coke. That was (mostly) fine for me, because I never felt the temptation to drink, and the fun I derived was from the social enjoyment, not from what I was drinking. But I've had friends who struggled with alcohol…

> Back in college, I would go to house parties and bars and do everything that everyone else was doing; the only difference is that I would have a Coke in my hand instead of a Rum & Coke.

I have found that I get fewer questions about my drink if I have the bartender put a lime in the Coke.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#192

Post by gravlaks »

Spinnaker_ wrote: post #125

6 years sober here. Most of the advice so far wouldn't have been much help when I first stopped drinking. It's honestly hard, and the first year or two won't be great. Boardgames and cafes are boring as fuck compared to getting drunk. Sure, rafting and cycling and other examples might fill up a Sunday afternoon, but they don't work for Friday night. Over time you adjust. I've made a few friends that don't drink. I ha…

I play FPS games, and I perform worse when I'm drinking, and I get sleepy. So for me it works better to stay sober. Actually I prefer to stay sober even while watching a show, because I don't like the dizzy feeling, unless if drinking socially.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#193

Post by NikolaNovak »

rdtwo wrote: post #171
sanedigital wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Change the topic to drugs instead of alcohol: "Me and all my friends are cocaine addicts. I just can't have fun without cocaine." If you've recognized that your cocaine use is detrimental to your life, does that sound like an environment you should remain in?

The % of the population that does not drink and isn’t religious is pretty tiny.

But we are pretty awesome! :->>

More seriously though - It's 2022. For better or for worse, if that is desired, it is trivially easy to find fellow members of any given subculture and preference group. Friendly non-alcoholic atheists are far from fringe in this day and age (geography depending of course, but the short post does not specify).

Finally, I don't think I've read the "non-religious" portion in the original ask - so not sure where that part even comes in. People who don't need to drink to have fun, or people who can have fun without drinking, are pretty common.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#194

Post by milkytron »

msarrel wrote: post #87

When I stopped drinking 9 years ago, I discovered that those drinking buddies aren't actually friends. In fact, what I discovered was that almost everyone I knew wasn't actually my friend. What a relationships revolve around getting loaded, they're really fun, at least for a little while, but those really aren't friends. It's a hard decision to make. So much of our society revolves around alcohol and the acceptance o…

> What a relationships revolve around getting loaded, they're really fun, at least for a little while, but those really aren't friends.

I have friends that have groups like this. They joined frats in college and still hang out with their frat bros regularly, drinking almost every weekend. I join on occasion, but I'm not on their "call list" or whatever when they start making plans for parties. I don't mind.

But what I do notice is that when they really need help, want to do something sober, or experience something new, I'm always on the list. I feel like I'm a friend to them when a friend is what they need. But their party friends are a totally different group.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#195

Post by sanedigital »

rdtwo wrote: post #171
sanedigital wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Change the topic to drugs instead of alcohol: "Me and all my friends are cocaine addicts. I just can't have fun without cocaine." If you've recognized that your cocaine use is detrimental to your life, does that sound like an environment you should remain in?

The % of the population that does not drink and isn’t religious is pretty tiny.

OP didn't say "my friends drink and it bothers me." They said "my friends are alcoholics and can't have fun without drinking." He's not looking for friends who don't ever drink. Just ones that understand moderation.

I'm also not sure why religion comes into it. If you're a non-believer and you don't want to socialize with believers I feel like you've missed the whole point of atheism/agnosticism.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#196

Post by ss108 »

Digory wrote: post #136
thepasswordis wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

OP said "all my friends are alcoholic" not "all my friends are alcoholics". I read that as: all of my friends drink alcohol, not all of my friends are addicted to alcohol. If OP and all of his friends are alcohol addicted, then yeah: that's a medical problem and my advice doesn't apply, which I already said.

Among primary English speakers, “alcoholic” almost always refers to abusive drinking. I can’t imagine using “alcoholic” to describe people who consume alcohol in moderation. And I am around a lot of teetotalers.

In the context of 23 year-olds, I think it's safe to say that none of them are actual alcoholics, just that they drink A LOT, as many people at that age do.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#197

Post by hoerzu »

the_only_law wrote: post #165
hoerzu wrote: post #46

My guide to having a sober life. 1) Focus on good conversations and not drinks (you can get high from a good talk) 2) Excercise! A lot! 3) Focus on the music and dancing and not the bar 4) If people pressure you to drink, day you will do later ( they will forget anyways) or say you the driver 5) Have a sober partner 6) celebrate each Sunday not hungover with sports, sex or what you enjoy 7) If you are drinking to go…

> Focus on good conversations and not drinks Where do you find this. Bars provide me with a building full of people who are likely more sociable and open to talking with randos at the time, though the conversations tend to be dumbed down a bit. The disinhibition is powerful. The only other places I have “good conversations” these days are in niche online spaces, with people I won’t find irl.

You can look for quality instead of quantity in my opinion with new people.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#198

Post by djyaz1200 »

Lots of good advice here.

I'd recommend going to AA meetings. AA has a vibrant network of people dedicated to not drinking meeting everyday all around the world. If you don't like the first meeting try a different one, they vary widely.

Find other indulgent drinks to enjoy, ginger beer is a fun one that is widely available.

Tell friends you "don't drink" once, if they need to be told more than once they aren't your friend.

Much of the physiological drive to drink is literally based on thirst, so keep yourself super hydrated at all times. Being hydrated also dilutes your stress hormone (cortisol).

Exercise more, if you stop chronic drinking provided you're otherwise healthy you should start to feel much more energetic in a few weeks. Use that energy to improve your body and mind with rigorous exercise. This will help you look better, feel better about yourself and gives you a reason not to drink. A hard workout gives a feeling really similar to drinking but entirely healthy and natural. The more you look like a serious fit athlete the more people will easily accept it when you pass on drinks.

Crossfit gyms are a great place to make friends with healthier people.

Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#199

Post by sumosudo »

When I decided to stop drinking, the first 8 months were the hardest part. My brain was hard-wired with the expectation that 'fun' equated to being in situations where alcohol was acceptable. Only there where laughter and social ease was abound due to alcohol, was where the fun was. It turns out the opposite is in fact the case. The thin facade of fun at gatherings, places, situations that are dominated by alcohol were really sad substitutes for life. The realisation that what I was doing was running from life, not partaking in it, is how I discovered the world beyond the veil of hangovers and manufactured interactions.

Frankly no piece of advice here will help you. Each to their own, as life is varied and rich for each, alone, as they see it.

What will help you, is making the choice that the person you were when drinking is not the person you will be today. If you have fucked up badly while drunk; that memory, if you have it, is the most powerful reminder you can carry. Don't be that guy again. Then it will begin to fall into place; you will become that man that lives life. Its not fun. Don't expect to start having fun any time soon either. You literally have to fight your own brain and wiring. You're going to have to treat yourself like a naughty kid who needs to be reprimanded often, to stay away from the pit.

You will lose a lot of friends, but friends aren't made at bars. Fun is who you are, not what you do. Life is going to happen with or without you, so make sure you are present when it does. Eventually you replace the thing you revere now, with a reverence for life, and that is where the greatest fun lies.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#200

Post by 0xbadcafebee »

You need to develop a personality and lifestyle that includes interests in something else. Art, sports, music, theater, gaming, martial arts, auto racing, millions of different "outdoors" activities, stamp collecting, volunteering, sewing, trivia, building furniture, rock climbing, travel, dancing, bird watching, gardening, cooking, philosophy, history, economics.

It's a very big world out there. Get out there, look for what draws your interest, then do that thing with other people that like to do that thing. That will probably lead to new friends, unless your drinking friends have the same non-drinking interests that you develop.

I also highly recommend some therapy. Find out why you were drinking instead of doing all those other fun things.

Oh, and if you continue to drink, drink better alcohol. It costs more money and it's harder to find, and it tastes better, so you savor it and don't look to get drunk. A lot of the time now I just drink water if I can't find a drink I like. Not gonna waste my money on shitty booze that's bad for me anyway.

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