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Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#161
I don't agree with the people saying find new friends.

I drink, but alcohol makes me feel terrible so I don't drink nearly as much or as often as many of my friends. But I still hang out with them and we still have a good time. It's not that big of a deal.

Alcohol is a quick dopamine hit and a signal that fun is about to happen. But, really, what are you doing /during/ the fun? Talking with friends. Playing games. Doing recreational activities. Eating a good meal. Taking your mind off the troubles of the day. That's the core. That's the fun.

The dopamine of the core fun is going to take a little more time to hit, that's all. You have to be patient when you do those core fun activities for that to happen. And it will.

You have to retrain yourself. Nothing more, nothing less.

To help yourself along you can pick a new trigger; a signal to yourself to get into fun mode. Pop a tic-tac. Repeat a mantra three times in your head 'work hard, play hard'. Whatever. But do it consistently and don't do anything you wouldn't do while drinking (like ruminating over work or actually getting back to work). You'll break the spell!

This is all assuming you're not an alcoholic and actually physically dependent on alcohol. (Cravings, self destructive behavior, compulsion to drink, agitation when not drinking etc) If that's the case you'll need some sort of treatment and quickly. And you will probably have to remove yourself from situations where you might relapse. I've seen alcoholism absolutely destroy people and it's not something to tackle by yourself.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#162

You need a new group of friends, firstly. It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to. So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without…

>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…

Change the topic to drugs instead of alcohol: "Me and all my friends are cocaine addicts. I just can't have fun without cocaine." If you've recognized that your cocaine use is detrimental to your life, does that sound like an environment you should remain in?

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#163
You’re ahead of the game being 23 and asking this already. I wasted too many years drinking heavily at bars and clubs being part of the cool kids. God the things I could’ve been accomplishing and the different social circles I could’ve been a part of instead.

It’s hard, everyone who has found a way out can try to explain but ultimately it’s a personal choice which involves lots of foresight and discipline… and/or hitting rock bottom.

Best of luck. It may help to itemize all the short/mid/long term negative effects and try to internalize them so you “feel” the loss each time you decide to drink.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#164
post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…

No, it's correct advice. I don't know how old you are, bu there's nothing hugely unconditional about keeping friends. Moving on from friends is a standard part of adulthood, and what OP describes sounds like such an occasion.

Agreed! If these a important lifelong buddies then you salvage the friendship by doing things together that don't involve/require drinking and hope that they don't declare you an outcast.

But if this is just some scattered collection of folks whose lives revolve around getting drunk together, then IMO it's no big loss to move on. There's plenty of awesome people out there to discover.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#165
post #46

My guide to having a sober life. 1) Focus on good conversations and not drinks (you can get high from a good talk) 2) Excercise! A lot! 3) Focus on the music and dancing and not the bar 4) If people pressure you to drink, day you will do later ( they will forget anyways) or say you the driver 5) Have a sober partner 6) celebrate each Sunday not hungover with sports, sex or what you enjoy 7) If you are drinking to go…

> Focus on good conversations and not drinks

Where do you find this. Bars provide me with a building full of people who are likely more sociable and open to talking with randos at the time, though the conversations tend to be dumbed down a bit. The disinhibition is powerful.

The only other places I have “good conversations” these days are in niche online spaces, with people I won’t find irl.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#166

6 years sober here. Most of the advice so far wouldn't have been much help when I first stopped drinking. It's honestly hard, and the first year or two won't be great. Boardgames and cafes are boring as fuck compared to getting drunk. Sure, rafting and cycling and other examples might fill up a Sunday afternoon, but they don't work for Friday night. Over time you adjust. I've made a few friends that don't drink. I ha…

> At some point you realize that you won't be having as much fun as getting drunk.

Did you move away or you stayed in the same place? I notice that changing things radically helps a lot; I moved 1000s of kms which allows to reboot. If I would've stayed, well, all people from my previous life live there still and the same bars and other 'fun' is there still. When I go back for a visit, even a week, it is party time then first night and all nights after that until groggy and nauseated on the plane home. I don't enjoy that anymore as I like my work and my hobbies and most of them need a clear and responsive mind, not a cotton ball and depression. My current group of friends mostly drink socially but don't mind to have people to do fun stuff with that do not. So for me a Friday of not drinking at all(which are most Friday nights of the year), I cook pizza in my woodoven, cook food, make snacks and have a movie or game night etc. My mates get slightly legless but we all have a lot of fun and I am mostly busy with preparing things so time flies with something I enjoy.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#168
post #94

You need a new group of friends, firstly. It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to. So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without…

> You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is really good advice. You'll never be able to give up a bad habit or an addiction so long as the people around you are caught up in the same thing. For years I was unable to quit smoking, in part because the folks I hung out with and the people I dated were all smokers. I moved to a different city, started hanging out with non smokers and was able to quit in a few mon…

I would even say; move away if you can. Far enough away so you don't see everyone too often or the places where you had 'fun'. Moving away for school or work also helps 'breaking up' with all friends at once for a good reason in case you don't want to tell the real reason.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#169
As someone that had problems up until around your age and has been on the wagon for a while, there was something in my life that made me choose between alcohol and something better. There are two paths your life can take going forward: the one with alcohol, and the one without. 'Fun' aside, the one without is much better. The first 6 mos - 1 yr are the hardest in all respects, but once you get through that it's a little more second nature. Find something to do instead. For me it was work - exercise might be better - you can tell people you're not drinking because you're in training. Non-alcoholic beers helped me, others say that's not a good idea YMMV - Heineken 0.0. Good luck to you!

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#170

You need a new group of friends, firstly. It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to. So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without…

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