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Loving Someone with Depression

mentalhealth.org.uk

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Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#151

Post by hnarayanan »

khazhoux wrote: post #24

A bit surprised no one's broached this question: At what point is it OK to leave your depressed partner? I know someone who left his depressed spouse of over 25 years. He loved her and tried to make it work, but eventually chose happiness for himself, for the second half of his life. He left her alone and essentially friendless. No easy answers there.

I’m a left spouse. My mental health was (and is) poor and I didn’t do enough to help myself.

I fully acknowledge why I was left and I’m trying to be better.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#152

Post by Broken_Hippo »

codeafin wrote: post #49
orasis wrote: post #37

Yeah sorry. I’m not going to just listen. A lot of the time you need to push them to take the next step because they are STUCK. Go exercise, eat some healthy food, take your damn meds, try new meds, try ketamine if suicidal, try psilocybin if treatment resistant. But coddling depression just drags it out longer and digs the spiral deeper. Yes, it is a disease which means it needs to be treated.

Glad to see this, as someone who has almost only been with people with depression, this article was a very aggressive "You're not doing enough, you're doing it wrong, you're not trying hard enough, you should be doing better" which is hypocritical. The post did not come from a place of compassion or support, but entitlement. This article doesn't understand how hard it is to listen to hours, days, months, years of a p…

This honestly just sounds like you dislike modern society and have serious misgivings about what mental illness does to people. Your list of behaviors illustrates this:

- Sleep small amounts of absurd hours A small amount of research will let you know this isn't necessarily a sign of depression, even if you witness it in others. Many folks sleep entirely too much instead. Not only that, but this is easily something other life things do: Having an infant, for example, or working long hours at a stressful job or having a health issue. Heck, if you only see them once a month, a woman's hormone cycle could do this.

- Eat junk foods Sometimes, but that's because depression robs folks of energy and motivation. Junk food is better than nothing at all. But more to the point, it is really common for normal folks to eat junk food. Just have a busy schedule or live in the Midwest.

- Spend all their time on video games, YouTube, TV shows, social media This isn't a sign of depression because it is normal in society. Signs point to such folks spending the time differently.

- No exercise So, basically normal. Exercise isn't a cure-all, and not everyone can afford things like safe areas outdoors nor proper shoes.

- Take substances such as caffeine or other recreational drugs Coffee sells really well, as does tea. I'm awfully sure that this isn't a sign of depression. I'll add that loads of folks take recreational drugs - most popularly, pot/hash and alcohol - that aren't mentally ill.

It doesn't matter if it isn't easy for you: Depression makes those things more difficult. No one said it was easy.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#153

Post by Broken_Hippo »

lemiant wrote: post #101

This is not constructive advice. It is a heck of a lot more complicated than this is making it out to be. You wouldn't leave your loved one with a broken leg until the "found their own way" to the doctor.

A broken leg is sometimes a bad metaphor.

Sure, you'd take them to the doctor for a broken leg, and help them as they get better. I'd leave someone that didn't do this.

But if the person refused to go to the doctor, what do you do then? How do you assess if they are bad enough to try to force them into hospitalisation if they aren't obviously a danger to anyone? What if the broken leg winds up causing abusive behavior (on repeated occasions) - do you stay? If their leg doesn't heal correctly and you have to care for them, can you handle the stress? What happens if you find out you aren't a good caregiver and it makes you hate your life?

I know these examples seem extreme, but it is closer to what folks sometimes deal with when their loved one has a mental illness.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#154

Post by jjeaff »

cm2012 wrote: post #127
DrBoring wrote: post #122

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Small polite correction: Hunter Biden is one of Joe Biden's sons from his first wife. The German Shepherds are named Major and Champ.

Thanks, too late to edit but appreciated!

Hilarious. I was so confused at why anyone would name a dog after someone in the family.

I was already running through my head a scenario like on King of the Hill where Hank Hill's father, Cotton, decides to name his newborn son Hank and refers to him as "Good Hank".

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#155

Post by thelittleone »

I've previously been diagnosed with BP, ADHD and depression. Tried all sorts of meds. I was never debilitated by these conditions but felt it was holding me back. Several trips to South America, a lot of work on cleansing my body and diet, and I found love for life and a fire inside. I released all my past grievances, reformed new perspectives, let go of strong opinions and learned not to connect feelings with identity, observing them coming and going instead.

Through this I have developed such a love and thirst for life. Each day I wake up and write what I am grateful for. Every day is a gift.... the simpler the thing that I can genuinely feel grateful for (example a glass of water) the great freedom and distance I feel from those conditions.

I feel for those going through this and I wish you the very best.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#156

Post by kkjjkgjjgg »

Are there any citations to the claims she is making in her article about the nature of depression and the things people should do around depressed people? Like she claims "listening" is the correct thing to do, so supposedly it helps against depression?

Tbh it sounds to me more like a power thing "see I am depressed, and you are treating me all wrong and you have to do this and that because I am depressed".

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#157

Post by jjeaff »

DrBoring wrote: post #130

Are there any kind of financial support programs for people with depression? I feel like I'm stuck in this trap where I am not healthy enough to endure full time employment, but I don't have enough income to pay for treatment. I expect there might be government services available, but I'm dubious of their efficacy. What I'd love is some sort of grant program where the goal is to help intelligent semi-effective people…

Depending on how much money you make, you should be able to get a subsidized marketplace health are plan (Obamacare). If you are single and make around $25k a year, your premiums would be near $0 in most states. And they have full mental health coverage.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#158

Post by tpoacher »

I feel that this author falls for the exact same mistake with their intended audience that they accuse them of doing.

From the wording I thought it would be an article on identifying and empathising with the less-visible curse of depression, that of being a carer. Instead it was just advice, intended to help not the carer, but the advice giver, to feel better that they've actively tried to 'fix' the problem.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#159

Post by ir123 »

nus07 wrote: post #73

I suffer from depression and oscillate between days of high productivity and days of listlessness. I am a fairly decent programmer who has cracked FAANG interviews and got PIPed out of one in the past mostly due to my depression . I now work at a job which pays me well but is nowhere close to FAANG levels and I am fine with that because I need a job that allows me the 1-2 days in two weeks where I can barely do anyth…

Hi, I'm pretty much in the same situation. I have bursts of high productivity and then periods where I cant get out of bed.

It's not bipolar because it's not random, there are things that trigger the change.

I also had offers from FAANG but I purposely did not take it because I know myself and I know that these companies are not forgiving.

I did something much more risky and moved to an ecommerce firm in Europe. I thought this company would be forgiving and the competition would be less. Boy was I wrong, people are competent here and I was already given a warning.

I had one of my triggers and now I'm extremely tired all the time and cannot get out of bed. My mind is working at 30 percent and all the work I have done in last 4 months have been because of short 1-2 hours of productivity bursts.

It gets sooo stressful to work, but I try really hard just to avoid an embarassing pip and avoid losing my visa. My family back at home depends on my money.

I keep contemplating going back home but I cannot make up my mind.

Any advice will be appreciated.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#160

Post by kkjjkgjjgg »

cgearhart wrote: post #42

I have been living with a bipolar/depressed spouse for the past ten years. About once every three or four years we have a major episode (often a depressive abyss immediately following a manic period). I feel deeply for anyone suffering this or similar diseases…but I’m also tired of articles like this one at this point. It feels like they all come at me from this perspective of what I need to do for my spouse while th…

I don't think "just listening" is even an acknowledged treatment of depression. So they say nothing works, you can't tell them to do anything because their brain is just broken, but supposedly "just listening" works? I'd say the article is simply unfounded bullshit.
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