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Loving Someone with Depression

mentalhealth.org.uk

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Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#121

Post by kindadepressing »

ativzzz wrote: post #114
kindadepressing wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey, thanks for your response. It’s heartening to see someone who cares for the well-being of strangers. Not to be even more of a downer, but… I feel like I’m running out of options. I’ve tried Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Effexor, and Remeron, prescribed by 3 different doctors. I’ve seen 6 different therapists. I’m extremely privileged to say that I’m currently seeing a Stanford PhD out-of-network weekly. I’ve heavily e…

> Part of me wonders if I have what your sibling commenter describes as “congruent depression” — depression which is expected given the circumstances of one’s life. I have a similar issue. It's a chicken/egg question. Is depression causing the struggles I'm going through, or are the struggles causing depression? I've done a lot of self exploration recently through a bunch of different therapists and have been diagnos…

>Maybe heavy internet/gaming/porn use for 20 years combined with a lack of good habits has just created an addiction to stimulation and set me up for failure in general.

This is something I wonder too. Could I have trained myself into this state? Is this a learned behavior? Has years of laziness and gratification seeking created a state where effort is no longer an option?

> Maybe I just need to start believing in God and let Jesus take the wheel.

I've been told this works really well. I have a weird feeling it might even work for me, if I could somehow get myself to buy into the whole organized religion thing. Maybe if Elon started a Church of the Simulation I could get on board, haha.

The potential link to ADHD is interesting. At times I've wondered if I have ADHD. I certainly relate to many of the symptoms. I actually was diagnosed and prescribed Ritalin, but I have to admit that I was drug seeking at that time so not really sure the diagnosis holds water.

>Speaking of TMS, a new depression treatment out of stanford has come out recently that sounds similar

Funny you mention this, I was reading about it on HN a few days ago. It gave me hope. I actually emailed the group asking to be a part of a future study.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#122

Post by DrBoring »

cm2012 wrote: post #81
magpi3 wrote: post #21

I think the overarching message with this post is right on whenever you are talking to someone who is struggling: listen, love, and don't judge. A hug is much better than a suggestion on how the family member can "fix" themselves. I also want to put a plug in for dogs. I have struggled with depression on and off in my life, and two years ago I adopted a dog I saw being abused in the street. She was just a little pupp…

Just want to say that dogs are not a magical panacea. I've seen them make life worse for depressed people (many dogs have behavioral problems that a depressed person is not equipped to deal with). If you're on the fence about taking on the responsibility of pet ownership, I'd lean towards the side of not getting one. Some of the problems I've seen with people who've adopted dogs: 1) One dog got scared by a loud firew…

Small polite correction:

Hunter Biden is one of Joe Biden's sons from his first wife.

The German Shepherds are named Major and Champ.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#123

Post by cm2012 »

spaetzleesser wrote: post #107
khazhoux wrote: post #24

A bit surprised no one's broached this question: At what point is it OK to leave your depressed partner? I know someone who left his depressed spouse of over 25 years. He loved her and tried to make it work, but eventually chose happiness for himself, for the second half of his life. He left her alone and essentially friendless. No easy answers there.

I left a partner who has OCD and probably some other issues that cause massive mood swings and make her do a lot of irrational things. I tried for years to help and be understanding. It never really got better, never ending ending, often self-made problems kept coming and it reached a point where I felt either we go both down or I have to leave. So I left. I feel guilty to some degree but it was also clear that I cou…

Kafka's The Metamorphosis explores this a bit. The protag, before the story starts, is relied upon by his mom, dad and sister for everything. Once he becomes a bug they become self sufficient again.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#124

Post by ativzzz »

kindadepressing wrote: post #121
ativzzz wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Part of me wonders if I have what your sibling commenter describes as “congruent depression” — depression which is expected given the circumstances of one’s life. I have a similar issue. It's a chicken/egg question. Is depression causing the struggles I'm going through, or are the struggles causing depression? I've done a lot of self exploration recently through a bunch of different therapists and have been diagnos…

>Maybe heavy internet/gaming/porn use for 20 years combined with a lack of good habits has just created an addiction to stimulation and set me up for failure in general. This is something I wonder too. Could I have trained myself into this state? Is this a learned behavior? Has years of laziness and gratification seeking created a state where effort is no longer an option? > Maybe I just need to start believing in Go…

>This is something I wonder too. Could I have trained myself into this state? Is this a learned behavior? Has years of laziness and gratification seeking created a state where effort is no longer an option?

That's what I think about myself, and medicine won't magically undo the years of instant gratification. I read atomic habits (https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits) and am trying to integrate good habits/clear out some worse ones in addition to medication/therapy. It's fucking hard to make new habits.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#125

Post by TranquilMarmot »

ycombinete wrote: post #104
hemloc_io wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Going to take a different, probably controversial perspective on this. (But this is my pseudo anon account so whatever;) I had a similar thing happen with my long time girlfriend, 5+ years. She had a rough childhood and covid measures eventually made her suicidal as we graduated college. Eventually she got treatment, and is doing better (yay!). This is all great other than the meds have now evened her out too much. S…

> have some side effects that have effected us. I assume part of this is the typical effect that she now has almost no libido

To be fair, depression has enough of an effect on libido on its own

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#126

Post by mianos »

GlenTheMachine wrote: post #20

Depression can also manifest in different ways. One way is anger, frustration, and anxiety. My wife’s depression was like this. She would come home from work, find one thing wrong with our apartment - there were dirty dishes in the sink, the clothes hadn’t been folded - and get angry with me for not having taken care of it. The fact that I had cooked dinner and mopped the floors didn’t count. She was angry with me pr…

I am in the same situation, for for word.

> But if you lose your own mental health you’re pretty much done.

I sometimes feel I am at the edge of this then somehow I do some work I am happy with, see a friend, ride a bike or go for a swim and I am back from the edge. The gas-lighting is sometimes so surreal I am speechless.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#127

Post by cm2012 »

DrBoring wrote: post #122
cm2012 wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just want to say that dogs are not a magical panacea. I've seen them make life worse for depressed people (many dogs have behavioral problems that a depressed person is not equipped to deal with). If you're on the fence about taking on the responsibility of pet ownership, I'd lean towards the side of not getting one. Some of the problems I've seen with people who've adopted dogs: 1) One dog got scared by a loud firew…

Small polite correction: Hunter Biden is one of Joe Biden's sons from his first wife. The German Shepherds are named Major and Champ.

Thanks, too late to edit but appreciated!

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#128

Post by TranquilMarmot »

lemiant wrote: post #101

This is not constructive advice. It is a heck of a lot more complicated than this is making it out to be. You wouldn't leave your loved one with a broken leg until the "found their own way" to the doctor.

Right- you would give them a lift or call them an ambulance!

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#129

Post by laurent92 »

codeafin wrote: post #49
orasis wrote: post #37

Yeah sorry. I’m not going to just listen. A lot of the time you need to push them to take the next step because they are STUCK. Go exercise, eat some healthy food, take your damn meds, try new meds, try ketamine if suicidal, try psilocybin if treatment resistant. But coddling depression just drags it out longer and digs the spiral deeper. Yes, it is a disease which means it needs to be treated.

Glad to see this, as someone who has almost only been with people with depression, this article was a very aggressive "You're not doing enough, you're doing it wrong, you're not trying hard enough, you should be doing better" which is hypocritical. The post did not come from a place of compassion or support, but entitlement. This article doesn't understand how hard it is to listen to hours, days, months, years of a p…

> - Eat junk foods

Isn’t that a side effect of lazyness?

> - Spend all their time on video games, YouTube, TV shows, social media

And loneliness?

> - Take substances such as caffeine or other recreational drugs

Doesn’t everyone drink caffeine? Asking seriously. I am depressed but I believe computer addiction sucks my liveliness, fortunately with programming instead of gaming, so I was able to make a career out of it, but it’s been the bane of my life. I prefer caffeine because it bumps my mood and I can still do sports, as opposed to meds which cut my libido and break my will to do sports and make me want to eat fat (so basically cuts my manliness), but could caffeine be the cause of anything and do most people do without?

After 39 years old, I just conclude people hate people who work and invent values to break our life (preferring some people to others, celebrating other people’s deeds (meanwhile I’ve donated thousands to charities, in hours and money, who cares?), now locking us down with covid psychosis, it sounds very fun to them), I’m done trying to better myself, ideology of favouring the weakest turns into hating the “rich” and plain bullying. If the world didn’t revolve around making our life difficult, people like me wouldn’t spend our life at work and they wouldn’t be able to fund their awful “social” (social but not me) projects. The economy of the nation revolves on stable bullying.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#130

Post by DrBoring »

Are there any kind of financial support programs for people with depression?

I feel like I'm stuck in this trap where I am not healthy enough to endure full time employment, but I don't have enough income to pay for treatment.

I expect there might be government services available, but I'm dubious of their efficacy.

What I'd love is some sort of grant program where the goal is to help intelligent semi-effective people improve themselves by healing their depression.

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